In A Decent Woman, my historical novel about Puerto Rico in the early 1900's, I deal with many issues of the day - racism, poverty, the forces of nature, birth and death. The situations my characters find themselves in are no different from issues we face today. My heroine is a midwife who encounters all those issues. I was familiar with many of the situations that my characters found themselves in, so many times it wasn't a huge stretch for me to write those chapters. When I wasn't familiar with a subject, I used my imagination and research to fill in the gaps.
I put myself in my character's head, body and soul when I write. When I can't come up with an appropriate or poetic word or when I need a more powerful word, I go to the thesaurus and dictionary that sit next to my laptop. I can usually find and select words that convey and enhance what I'm trying to say, but most times, I show and don't tell. A character's actions and behaviors can very often give the reader a good sense of scene, mood and feeling, so I challenge myself to not use fancy words.
One of the most difficult scenes in my first novel to write was when a minor character's infant dies. I've never lost a child which I've always said would be the death of me. I'd surely lose my mind. How cliche those words and phrases sound. Working on the scene, I found words such as palpable, gut wrenching, anguish, sorrow and pain. None of the words seemed appropriate, so I wrote what the mother's face looked like, what she did with her hands, body and eyes. It was a tough scene to get through. There can be nothing more painful than losing a child. I did the best I could. I'm a mother of two adult children.
Yesterday, a good friend invited me to share a late breakfast with her. I was excited to see her as we'd both been so busy this winter. As we sat in the restaurant catching up with omelets and a side of pancakes, she took a phone call. I watched the blood drain from her face as her eyes filled with tears. "I have to go see my friend and you must come with me. I can't go alone." Her face told me that there was no backing out. We quickly paid our bill and left the restaurant. On the drive to her friend's house in another town, my friend told me that she'd found her adult son dead that morning. Her only child. A woman I've never met. My friend had lost her daughter years ago and although I felt like a major, major intruder, I would be there for my friend. No doubt, memories were flooding her mind, as well. I couldn't imagine. I said prayers for everyone.
I won't go into the scene that we walked into. I will tell you that at times of deep sorrow, anguish and pain, there are no words.
Rest in peace.
Ellie
Showing posts with label motherhood. Show all posts
Showing posts with label motherhood. Show all posts
Friday, March 15, 2013
Thursday, March 7, 2013
Moments of Pure Magic
On the news last night, a mother told a reporter how she'd searched online for the location with the most snow in the area and she'd driven her kids to Manassas, Virginia so that they could play in the snow. Beautiful! Good for her and her kids, I thought.
I love a good snowfall, but I didn't enjoy trudging through the slushy snow to the post office yesterday. The sidewalks were impassable which meant that the only recourse I had was to walk the one block to the post office in the cleared street. Almost immediately, I felt cold wetness in my sock. Nice. The winter boots I purchased two winters ago were no longer water-proof. Fun!
I remember as a kid when NOTHING kept me inside and nothing prevented me from playing outside other than restriction, no matter what the weather was. My mother bundled my sister and I up until we looked like mini-blimps and once she opened that front door, we were gone until nighttime. How did we do it? How did we stay out that long? I suppose those were more innocent times when parents could let their kids out to play and not worry so much. We had no cell phones to keep us connected with our parents and were never where we told our mother we'd be. Never!
I remember one snowy afternoon when my sister, some friends and I decided that we would make an igloo. I'm laughing as I type this. Not should we or could we, we would. I love kids and their incredible imagination. They have no fear and no censor in their heads telling them that it's impossible. Of course we made that igloo! It was a fine igloo-like structure and it took us all afternoon. I still remember peeking out of our makeshift doorway in wonder as the sun went down and the snow glistened under the back porch light like millions of diamonds. A moment of pure magic! We heard my mother yelling for us shortly after that and I remember worrying that the boys would destroy our igloo in the morning. I hardly slept.
When we got inside, my sister and I stripped off our wet clothing onto the bathroom floor. The hems of my pants were frozen and I probably could have balanced my stiff pants to stand upright. I remember looking at my red, chapped legs as I entered the hot bath, wondering if I'd lose my legs to frost-bite. The steam rose off the hot water and soon, I felt tingling sensations as my skin warmed up. I never did lose a limb to snow, but in later years, my sister and I would laugh that a hot bath is probably the worst thing you can do for near-frostbite! We didn't know and we didn't have a Merck manual at home. We simply played outside until we could no longer feel our fingers and toes and then, we went home with runny noses and huge smiles.
My mother was a relaxed mother or maybe she just needed time to herself. I, on the other hand, was not so relaxed with my young kids. I owned a Merck manual that listed every disease known to man and I used it! "Let me see that spot on your leg again," I'd tell the kids. "What were your symptoms again?" It got to the point where I was so frightened that something would happen to my kids that I couldn't relax. I threw out that Merck manual and my kids taught me to play again. It was either keep my kids inside or go outside with them because the world in the late '80's was much different from the world of the 60's. So, I joined in.
Last night, I took a slushy walk with my Pug, Ozzy. Again, I marveled at how the snow glistened and sparkled under the streetlight as we walked home. Pure magic. Today, my inner child is alive and well. Take your inner child out and get your play on.
Peace and love,
Ellie
Monday, February 18, 2013
My Mother is a zOmBiE
Good morning!
I'm writing this blog in the sunniest spot of my daughter's kitchen in Northern Virginia and couldn't be happier. The sun's rays are warming my back and my cafe au lait is piping hot . The faint smells of olive oil and garlic from last night's fantastic dinner linger in the air. I'm very happy that my children were available for a visit this past weekend.
What a feast we had last night! My daughter's boyfriend cooked ribs that practically fell of the bones and I'm craving my daughter's caramelized brussels sprouts and fried eggplant slices, delicious! My son ordered gourmet white pizza and four cheese pizza as appetizers, yum! Perfect Sunday! We grazed and relaxed all afternoon. It doesn't get better than that for me. Color me very happy!
This morning we have blue skies in Northern Virginia and although the temps are COLD, my heart is happy. My children and I shared a beautiful weekend with laughter, great food and warm hearts. We made new memories and as always, there is no place on this planet I'd rather be than with my children.
In addition to sharing great food, laughter and warm hearts, we had zOmBiEs. Apparently for my children and my daughter's boyfriend, no Sunday is complete without The Walking Dead :) I must admit that I love the show, too. I had watched the first season and last night, I was happy to catch up before episode two of season two began. I hadn't planned on starting yet another season of anything as I can really into it, but I'd watch zombies to be in the same room with my kids. You bet your life I wouldI
So now I'm hooked yet again (as I was with Lost) and as I did when my kids were young, I got involved in what they like. You want to have a great conversation with a kid or a young adult? Pay attention and genuinely share something they like or are passionate about. Don't fake it, either. Kids can smell disingenuous a mile away.
I don't have to force myself to like zombies, I just do. Well, I wouldn't say that I like zombies, but I just smile when I see one. But if I really saw one, I'd run like hell! Yeah, sometimes seeing a zombie's head exploding like a watermelon against the grate of the car makes me cringe, but I'm rooting for Rick's group to live. Sometimes I look away and I'm always relieved. Yes, Rick is losing his mind. Yes, he is and I think Axel's death last night was a crime. I did not see that shot in the temple coming! I sure wish that he and Carol had gotten together; they looked good together although a trip to the hairdresser might help her a bit. And lastly, I don't think Rick's wife Laurie is alive. I think what he's seeing is a vision, a warning for him to face facts, she's gone. How convenient that the crew found baby formula, huh?! My kids don't know what they're using for diapers. I asked. Ya gotta love that show :)
My kids are working today and I'll see them after work. As I sit sipping my cafe au lait in a sunny corner of my daughter's cheery kitchen, I wonder. Could I write a zombie novel? Could I? It makes me laugh because I very well could. The Walking Dead show started out as a comic book. It's a story, so why not? There are group and individual stories, protagonists and antagonists with dozens of zombies walking around. You could write any story and every now and then, have a zombie or ten walk through. Bash in their heads, shoot them in the head and keep going with your story. It could work! I suppose I could tell any story and throw in zombies and voila! A best seller?!
Doubtful. But then again, who knows. Never say never :)
Peace and love on this gorgeous Monday in Northern Virginia.
Ellie
I'm writing this blog in the sunniest spot of my daughter's kitchen in Northern Virginia and couldn't be happier. The sun's rays are warming my back and my cafe au lait is piping hot . The faint smells of olive oil and garlic from last night's fantastic dinner linger in the air. I'm very happy that my children were available for a visit this past weekend.
What a feast we had last night! My daughter's boyfriend cooked ribs that practically fell of the bones and I'm craving my daughter's caramelized brussels sprouts and fried eggplant slices, delicious! My son ordered gourmet white pizza and four cheese pizza as appetizers, yum! Perfect Sunday! We grazed and relaxed all afternoon. It doesn't get better than that for me. Color me very happy!
This morning we have blue skies in Northern Virginia and although the temps are COLD, my heart is happy. My children and I shared a beautiful weekend with laughter, great food and warm hearts. We made new memories and as always, there is no place on this planet I'd rather be than with my children.
In addition to sharing great food, laughter and warm hearts, we had zOmBiEs. Apparently for my children and my daughter's boyfriend, no Sunday is complete without The Walking Dead :) I must admit that I love the show, too. I had watched the first season and last night, I was happy to catch up before episode two of season two began. I hadn't planned on starting yet another season of anything as I can really into it, but I'd watch zombies to be in the same room with my kids. You bet your life I wouldI
So now I'm hooked yet again (as I was with Lost) and as I did when my kids were young, I got involved in what they like. You want to have a great conversation with a kid or a young adult? Pay attention and genuinely share something they like or are passionate about. Don't fake it, either. Kids can smell disingenuous a mile away.
I don't have to force myself to like zombies, I just do. Well, I wouldn't say that I like zombies, but I just smile when I see one. But if I really saw one, I'd run like hell! Yeah, sometimes seeing a zombie's head exploding like a watermelon against the grate of the car makes me cringe, but I'm rooting for Rick's group to live. Sometimes I look away and I'm always relieved. Yes, Rick is losing his mind. Yes, he is and I think Axel's death last night was a crime. I did not see that shot in the temple coming! I sure wish that he and Carol had gotten together; they looked good together although a trip to the hairdresser might help her a bit. And lastly, I don't think Rick's wife Laurie is alive. I think what he's seeing is a vision, a warning for him to face facts, she's gone. How convenient that the crew found baby formula, huh?! My kids don't know what they're using for diapers. I asked. Ya gotta love that show :)
My kids are working today and I'll see them after work. As I sit sipping my cafe au lait in a sunny corner of my daughter's cheery kitchen, I wonder. Could I write a zombie novel? Could I? It makes me laugh because I very well could. The Walking Dead show started out as a comic book. It's a story, so why not? There are group and individual stories, protagonists and antagonists with dozens of zombies walking around. You could write any story and every now and then, have a zombie or ten walk through. Bash in their heads, shoot them in the head and keep going with your story. It could work! I suppose I could tell any story and throw in zombies and voila! A best seller?!
Doubtful. But then again, who knows. Never say never :)
Peace and love on this gorgeous Monday in Northern Virginia.
Ellie
Sunday, November 25, 2012
The Pumpkin Pie Debacle
Hi all,
I hope you had a super Thanksgiving with your loved ones. I had a wonderful weekend with my family. A busy, fun, and wonderful weekend full of laughter, joking around, hanging around, and eating way too much.
Okay, I'm not going to lie...since Friday, I've enjoyed four smallish plates of Thanksgiving leftovers and one delicious sandwich of turkey, dressing and gravy. I haven't, however, had enough slices of pumpkin pie with Redi Whip.
I could have baked a pumpkin pie, but I was traveling to my kids by train and my kids ran out time. My sister swore she would have pumpkin pie for our dinner and I believed her, but I wanted just one more pie. Just one more. I love pumpkin pie.
As soon as I arrived in Northern Virginia, my daughter, son and I drove to Safeway to buy an extra pumpkin pie. No big deal, right? Well, normally not a big deal, but it was Thanksgiving Day. I grabbed the pies, super excited and loving Safeway for the extra pies. I paid for the pies, got into my daughter's car with a huge smile. "A real coup! I found two pumpkin pies!"
To which my son jokes (and probably jinxes), "Watch her have bought sweet potato pies!" We all laughed and then, I checked the bags. My heart sank. Are you kidding me? Two sweet potato pies and no pumpkin. I had picked up two sweet potato pies at the supermarket by mistake. Damn, was I mad. The sign behind the stack of pies was clearly marked and clearly read, "pumpkin pies" but, I failed to read the labels slapped on the boxes which held the 'wrong' pies. These were clearly sweet potato pies.
I immediately opened the car door, yelling, "I'll be right back! I'll just exchange them, there was a huge stack of pumpkin pies!" My daughter grabbed the belt loops of my jeans, holding me in. "You're not going back inside, we're late, Mom!"
"You don't understand, Sweetie." I said, laughing as I unhooked her fingers from my jeans, "I MUST have pumpkin pie on Thanksgiving! I don't eat pumpkin pie but twice a year and sweet potato pie will not do!"
On and on my kids kept telling me things like, "Mom, pumpkin is exactly like sweet potato pie", "Let it go!" and, "Let's go!" When my kids realized that I wasn't leaving the Safeway supermarket, they gave in. Exasperated, my son got out of the car, vowing to come back with a pumpkin pie. My hero!
Ten minutes later, he came to the car carrying a Safeway bag. "Well? Do we have lift off? Did you find a pumpkin pie?"
"Um. Safeway is out of pumpkin pies. All they have left are sugar-free pumpkin pies."
"What? No! It won't be Thanksgiving without pumpkin pie." I'm told I actually pouted like a four year old.
"Mom, it's okay! Let's just go, we're late."
I moaned and groaned, "Should have made a pie." After a while, it changed to,"You're right, we are late." After all, I am an adult :)
Thank goodness, my sister had a pumpkin pie for us. Yay! I had my slice and everyone wanted slices of sweet potato pie (which surprised me) and I got to take the remaining pie to my daughter's house (where I was staying). I snuck a midnight slice of pumpkin pie with Redi Whip, happy as a kid.
My family and I had a great Holiday dinner. I was blessed to enjoy two wonderful days with my children. I loved our time together and I went home with no leftovers and no more pie. Good. I was beginning to forget about leftovers and pumpkin pie when my girlfriend invited me to share her Holiday leftovers tonight! I'm SO there, I told her! I have no will power, damn! She made a homemade pumpkin pie to die for :)
I swear, no more Holiday food. Enough is enough. Zumba is calling me. Vamos a bailar! Vamos a rebajar de peso! Si!
Peace and love,
Ellie
I hope you had a super Thanksgiving with your loved ones. I had a wonderful weekend with my family. A busy, fun, and wonderful weekend full of laughter, joking around, hanging around, and eating way too much.
Okay, I'm not going to lie...since Friday, I've enjoyed four smallish plates of Thanksgiving leftovers and one delicious sandwich of turkey, dressing and gravy. I haven't, however, had enough slices of pumpkin pie with Redi Whip.
I could have baked a pumpkin pie, but I was traveling to my kids by train and my kids ran out time. My sister swore she would have pumpkin pie for our dinner and I believed her, but I wanted just one more pie. Just one more. I love pumpkin pie.
As soon as I arrived in Northern Virginia, my daughter, son and I drove to Safeway to buy an extra pumpkin pie. No big deal, right? Well, normally not a big deal, but it was Thanksgiving Day. I grabbed the pies, super excited and loving Safeway for the extra pies. I paid for the pies, got into my daughter's car with a huge smile. "A real coup! I found two pumpkin pies!"
To which my son jokes (and probably jinxes), "Watch her have bought sweet potato pies!" We all laughed and then, I checked the bags. My heart sank. Are you kidding me? Two sweet potato pies and no pumpkin. I had picked up two sweet potato pies at the supermarket by mistake. Damn, was I mad. The sign behind the stack of pies was clearly marked and clearly read, "pumpkin pies" but, I failed to read the labels slapped on the boxes which held the 'wrong' pies. These were clearly sweet potato pies.
"You don't understand, Sweetie." I said, laughing as I unhooked her fingers from my jeans, "I MUST have pumpkin pie on Thanksgiving! I don't eat pumpkin pie but twice a year and sweet potato pie will not do!"
On and on my kids kept telling me things like, "Mom, pumpkin is exactly like sweet potato pie", "Let it go!" and, "Let's go!" When my kids realized that I wasn't leaving the Safeway supermarket, they gave in. Exasperated, my son got out of the car, vowing to come back with a pumpkin pie. My hero!
Ten minutes later, he came to the car carrying a Safeway bag. "Well? Do we have lift off? Did you find a pumpkin pie?"
"Um. Safeway is out of pumpkin pies. All they have left are sugar-free pumpkin pies."
"What? No! It won't be Thanksgiving without pumpkin pie." I'm told I actually pouted like a four year old.
"Mom, it's okay! Let's just go, we're late."
I moaned and groaned, "Should have made a pie." After a while, it changed to,"You're right, we are late." After all, I am an adult :)
Thank goodness, my sister had a pumpkin pie for us. Yay! I had my slice and everyone wanted slices of sweet potato pie (which surprised me) and I got to take the remaining pie to my daughter's house (where I was staying). I snuck a midnight slice of pumpkin pie with Redi Whip, happy as a kid.
My family and I had a great Holiday dinner. I was blessed to enjoy two wonderful days with my children. I loved our time together and I went home with no leftovers and no more pie. Good. I was beginning to forget about leftovers and pumpkin pie when my girlfriend invited me to share her Holiday leftovers tonight! I'm SO there, I told her! I have no will power, damn! She made a homemade pumpkin pie to die for :)
I swear, no more Holiday food. Enough is enough. Zumba is calling me. Vamos a bailar! Vamos a rebajar de peso! Si!
Peace and love,
Ellie
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
On Being Grateful and Gracious
Hi all,
This will be my last blog before Thanksgiving as tomorrow morning, I'll be on a train headed to Northern Virginia. I'm excited to see my children and cook our side dishes together. I'm also excited to share our Thanksgiving meal with my sister and her children in Maryland.
I wish you a beautiful Thanksgiving with your loved ones and safe travels if you'll be on the road!
I love traveling by train. Not only do I love the beautiful West Virginia and Virginia countryside, it's a great way to people watch. I'm not a stalker, believe me! I just enjoy observing and listening to people, wondering what their story is as I sit quietly, enjoying the views. More than once, I've built characters on people I've watched and listened to. I watch their body language, how they interact with others and their facial expressions as they converse. People are fascinating to me :)
I'll be cooking side dishes with my son and my daughter in her home while watching the Thanksgiving Day parade in NYC and in the afternoon, we drive to Maryland to share Thanksgiving dinner with my youngest sister and her kids. We always have a great time when we get together and this Holiday should be no different. We laugh and joke while we get dinner and the table ready, we take photos of each other and the kids as a group, we start dinner off with a prayer and I always ask my family to say what they're thankful for.
That Thanksgiving tradition might be getting old for our kids who range in age from 27 to 21, (maybe it's already old for them!) but I never tire of it. To me, it's important to give thanks and NOT only on this day. I believe that the root of happiness and joy is in the giving to others and not in the receiving. This year, I got a surprise that changed my mind a bit.
My family is blessed and we know we are. We've all had difficulties, faced challenges and found ourselves in the deep valleys before. Most of us have come out of those valleys into the sunshine. I hope you have, too. When I've found myself in the dark, I only have to look around me and listen - there's always someone who needs help, my help.
In the past, it was me who was the helper whenever I could. This year, I received many blessings and realized that for once, I was the person other's thought needed help. That came as a big surprise to me as a self-sufficient, stubborn, single Mom! I like to think that I've got all my ducks in a row and my shit sorted out :) I just didn't expect it and it was beautiful!
This year I received four invitations from beautiful new friends in my new town to share Thanksgiving dinner with their families because they wanted to make sure I wasn't alone. They know that I live two hours from my kids and family. Another friend brought me a little artificial Christmas tree with lights because he knows that I'll spend Christmas with my kids and family in Virginia this year and he figured that I'd probably not put up a tree this year. Beautiful!
Those invitations and gifts, were precious gifts to me. Gifts that warmed my heart and yes, made me cry. I cry a lot these days which I attribute to menopause :) Happy tears, mind you. My friends wanted to make sure that I was taken care of and that's a beautiful thing. I was so thankful and grateful.
I learned a valuable lesson this week. Life is a give and take and it's as important to allow others to help us as it is to help others. It's good Karma for everyone involved :)
Happy Thanksgiving to you.
Peace and love,
Ellie
This will be my last blog before Thanksgiving as tomorrow morning, I'll be on a train headed to Northern Virginia. I'm excited to see my children and cook our side dishes together. I'm also excited to share our Thanksgiving meal with my sister and her children in Maryland.
I wish you a beautiful Thanksgiving with your loved ones and safe travels if you'll be on the road!
I love traveling by train. Not only do I love the beautiful West Virginia and Virginia countryside, it's a great way to people watch. I'm not a stalker, believe me! I just enjoy observing and listening to people, wondering what their story is as I sit quietly, enjoying the views. More than once, I've built characters on people I've watched and listened to. I watch their body language, how they interact with others and their facial expressions as they converse. People are fascinating to me :)
I'll be cooking side dishes with my son and my daughter in her home while watching the Thanksgiving Day parade in NYC and in the afternoon, we drive to Maryland to share Thanksgiving dinner with my youngest sister and her kids. We always have a great time when we get together and this Holiday should be no different. We laugh and joke while we get dinner and the table ready, we take photos of each other and the kids as a group, we start dinner off with a prayer and I always ask my family to say what they're thankful for.
That Thanksgiving tradition might be getting old for our kids who range in age from 27 to 21, (maybe it's already old for them!) but I never tire of it. To me, it's important to give thanks and NOT only on this day. I believe that the root of happiness and joy is in the giving to others and not in the receiving. This year, I got a surprise that changed my mind a bit.
My family is blessed and we know we are. We've all had difficulties, faced challenges and found ourselves in the deep valleys before. Most of us have come out of those valleys into the sunshine. I hope you have, too. When I've found myself in the dark, I only have to look around me and listen - there's always someone who needs help, my help.
In the past, it was me who was the helper whenever I could. This year, I received many blessings and realized that for once, I was the person other's thought needed help. That came as a big surprise to me as a self-sufficient, stubborn, single Mom! I like to think that I've got all my ducks in a row and my shit sorted out :) I just didn't expect it and it was beautiful!
This year I received four invitations from beautiful new friends in my new town to share Thanksgiving dinner with their families because they wanted to make sure I wasn't alone. They know that I live two hours from my kids and family. Another friend brought me a little artificial Christmas tree with lights because he knows that I'll spend Christmas with my kids and family in Virginia this year and he figured that I'd probably not put up a tree this year. Beautiful!
Those invitations and gifts, were precious gifts to me. Gifts that warmed my heart and yes, made me cry. I cry a lot these days which I attribute to menopause :) Happy tears, mind you. My friends wanted to make sure that I was taken care of and that's a beautiful thing. I was so thankful and grateful.
I learned a valuable lesson this week. Life is a give and take and it's as important to allow others to help us as it is to help others. It's good Karma for everyone involved :)
Happy Thanksgiving to you.
Peace and love,
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
Three Steps Forward and Two Steps Back.
Hi all,
As the Amtrak train rounded the bend toward my town, I reached into my purse to pull out my keys. No keys! I double checked and then remembered - they were on my sister's kitchen table. Oh well. I knew Junior, my dog sitter, had a house key and I have a spare car key at home. Disaster averted as Junior answered his cell phone; he was on his way to my house.
I'm always happy to get home after a weekend away. My house and garden looked great and it was lovely to be in my comfy bed with a good book last night - mine! The hard copy of my manuscript arrived while I was gone. I'd already made the changes my editor suggested (they were awesome changes) last week on Track Changes and now, I held 365 pages of my novel. How wonderful is that?
This week, I begin fleshing out the friendships in my novel and working on Point of View (POV) which I've found to be quite difficult! My editor has recommended taking out the two male character's POV which I totally agree with. My target audience - women. I get that and it makes sense to me. So, on we go :)
I had a nice time with my children and my sister this past weekend, celebrating our friend Carmen's 80th birthday. Carmen's three children, their families and nearly all her grandchildren were in attendance to include two new great-grandchildren. Carmen looked beautiful and her family did a wonderful job putting her party together. I was happy for her and happy that my children joined me in celebrating the special day.
As I looked around the Clubhouse dining room, I was reminded that all of my mother's friends have lost their husbands - all widows. I wondered if that still holds true, that women outlive men. None of these women were smokers nor heavy drinkers. My grandmother outlived my grandfather. They were the heads and hearts of their families. My grandmother was certainly the head of our family - the Matriarch.
What am I as the eldest daughter of my family? Am I the matriarch? Does that still exist in this day and age? Maybe it does. I suppose I felt like the matriarch when I was still married and financially able to help my children and my family after my mother and grandmother died. When someone had a problem or issue, I was ready and able to assist, but now as a divorcee living on a budget and two hours from my children - not so much. I guess I did feel like a matriarch in those days and was always happy to help; just didn't give it much thought until yesterday.
My children have graduated from college and are on their own. My sister and her children are doing well and my half-sister's children are pretty much on their own, as well. My kids know that I would sell my car and house if they were in dire straits and, thank God, they are doing more than well at this time.
My kids used to listen to my advice, suggestions and gentle words when they were in high school, in college and for a few years afterward. These days? Not so much! They roll their eyes, disagree with me and poke fun at me. My "words of wisdom" (judging by their reactions and facial expressions) must seem old-fashioned, out-of-touch and cooky to them :) I've kind of given up the generational or self-imposed title of matriarch. As they moved forward in their lives, so did I but it felt strange, at times.
I guess I thought I was the matriarch by default because my mother and grandmother has passed on. Unlike my mother, grandmother, Carmen and her girlfriends whose husbands passed on, I was divorced and didn't fare as well as I probably would have if I were a widow. Just sayin' and I wish him well :)
None of these women entered the dating world at 50 after divorce and none of them worked past 50 because they didn't have to. For the most part, women of my mother and grandmother's generations just settled into living alone as widows and living for their children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren. Many of these women volunteered their time to favorite charities and their churches; they still do as I learned yesterday.
Do today's matriarchs date, live lives as single women and still take single's cruises?! Do our children see us as matriarchs? Do mine? Is that word and title passe or non-existent? I think my children would love for me to be a matriarch. It's complicated...they don't like hearing about my dating life (non-existent at this time) and they'd love to see me married. I think my children secretly wish I would stay home and bake cookies like the old days when my world revolved around them. By the same token, they wish I would get a life so that they can live theirs without my interference and two cents :) It's a different generation.
My kids might not realize that I wish I could go back in time...but, it's NOT my reality at this time in my life. It's not their fault - they were raised in a traditional, father works outside the home, mother stays home family.
So, I'm a 55 year old, single woman who still has dreams, goals and aspirations. I have adult kids and I'm trying to figure out how I stay loyal to myself and parent adult kids IF we in fact, parent adult kids under 30! I don't think we do. I think my kids tolerate me and would pat my head like a good ol', loyal dog if they could :)
My youngest sister isn't the matriarch as she lives her life in MD and gets together with us on holidays and special occasions. Is Carmen the matriarch of her family or is she just the oldest? Why in the heck did I bother thinking that I was the matriarch, the family cheer leader, the wise old lady? Delusional, right? Am I more traditional than I thought? Why did I think that being the head of a family was so damn important and why have I fought tooth and nail to keep my small family tight and close-knit? No one else seems to be bothered by it. We just get together when we can and go our separate ways afterward. I've learned an important lesson this weekend. And it's all good.
Well, it's no wonder I write fiction, for goodness sake! I can be the matriarch in my novel, the heroine and the sage wise woman. As they say, I believe my debut novel is more of an auto-biographical than I thought. I thought this blog would be about writing and my novel...and I guess it is. These are the thoughts that come to mind as I edit. Am I supposed to only write about writing? Teach creative writing, give tips, and play the expert or is writing about life and what we've learned along the way WHILE we write? I'm not really sure.
I just hate letting people down, but time and life lately have shown me that I'm not letting anyone down. I was standing in my own way and didn't realize it. I was hanging onto a role that no one wants me to play...HUGE light bulb moment here. I'm okay with that now, but God help them if they want me to revert back. You can't have your cake and eat it, too :)
Peace and love,
Ellie
As the Amtrak train rounded the bend toward my town, I reached into my purse to pull out my keys. No keys! I double checked and then remembered - they were on my sister's kitchen table. Oh well. I knew Junior, my dog sitter, had a house key and I have a spare car key at home. Disaster averted as Junior answered his cell phone; he was on his way to my house.
I'm always happy to get home after a weekend away. My house and garden looked great and it was lovely to be in my comfy bed with a good book last night - mine! The hard copy of my manuscript arrived while I was gone. I'd already made the changes my editor suggested (they were awesome changes) last week on Track Changes and now, I held 365 pages of my novel. How wonderful is that?
This week, I begin fleshing out the friendships in my novel and working on Point of View (POV) which I've found to be quite difficult! My editor has recommended taking out the two male character's POV which I totally agree with. My target audience - women. I get that and it makes sense to me. So, on we go :)
I had a nice time with my children and my sister this past weekend, celebrating our friend Carmen's 80th birthday. Carmen's three children, their families and nearly all her grandchildren were in attendance to include two new great-grandchildren. Carmen looked beautiful and her family did a wonderful job putting her party together. I was happy for her and happy that my children joined me in celebrating the special day.
As I looked around the Clubhouse dining room, I was reminded that all of my mother's friends have lost their husbands - all widows. I wondered if that still holds true, that women outlive men. None of these women were smokers nor heavy drinkers. My grandmother outlived my grandfather. They were the heads and hearts of their families. My grandmother was certainly the head of our family - the Matriarch.
What am I as the eldest daughter of my family? Am I the matriarch? Does that still exist in this day and age? Maybe it does. I suppose I felt like the matriarch when I was still married and financially able to help my children and my family after my mother and grandmother died. When someone had a problem or issue, I was ready and able to assist, but now as a divorcee living on a budget and two hours from my children - not so much. I guess I did feel like a matriarch in those days and was always happy to help; just didn't give it much thought until yesterday.
My children have graduated from college and are on their own. My sister and her children are doing well and my half-sister's children are pretty much on their own, as well. My kids know that I would sell my car and house if they were in dire straits and, thank God, they are doing more than well at this time.
My kids used to listen to my advice, suggestions and gentle words when they were in high school, in college and for a few years afterward. These days? Not so much! They roll their eyes, disagree with me and poke fun at me. My "words of wisdom" (judging by their reactions and facial expressions) must seem old-fashioned, out-of-touch and cooky to them :) I've kind of given up the generational or self-imposed title of matriarch. As they moved forward in their lives, so did I but it felt strange, at times.
I guess I thought I was the matriarch by default because my mother and grandmother has passed on. Unlike my mother, grandmother, Carmen and her girlfriends whose husbands passed on, I was divorced and didn't fare as well as I probably would have if I were a widow. Just sayin' and I wish him well :)
None of these women entered the dating world at 50 after divorce and none of them worked past 50 because they didn't have to. For the most part, women of my mother and grandmother's generations just settled into living alone as widows and living for their children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren. Many of these women volunteered their time to favorite charities and their churches; they still do as I learned yesterday.
Do today's matriarchs date, live lives as single women and still take single's cruises?! Do our children see us as matriarchs? Do mine? Is that word and title passe or non-existent? I think my children would love for me to be a matriarch. It's complicated...they don't like hearing about my dating life (non-existent at this time) and they'd love to see me married. I think my children secretly wish I would stay home and bake cookies like the old days when my world revolved around them. By the same token, they wish I would get a life so that they can live theirs without my interference and two cents :) It's a different generation.
My kids might not realize that I wish I could go back in time...but, it's NOT my reality at this time in my life. It's not their fault - they were raised in a traditional, father works outside the home, mother stays home family.
So, I'm a 55 year old, single woman who still has dreams, goals and aspirations. I have adult kids and I'm trying to figure out how I stay loyal to myself and parent adult kids IF we in fact, parent adult kids under 30! I don't think we do. I think my kids tolerate me and would pat my head like a good ol', loyal dog if they could :)
My youngest sister isn't the matriarch as she lives her life in MD and gets together with us on holidays and special occasions. Is Carmen the matriarch of her family or is she just the oldest? Why in the heck did I bother thinking that I was the matriarch, the family cheer leader, the wise old lady? Delusional, right? Am I more traditional than I thought? Why did I think that being the head of a family was so damn important and why have I fought tooth and nail to keep my small family tight and close-knit? No one else seems to be bothered by it. We just get together when we can and go our separate ways afterward. I've learned an important lesson this weekend. And it's all good.
Well, it's no wonder I write fiction, for goodness sake! I can be the matriarch in my novel, the heroine and the sage wise woman. As they say, I believe my debut novel is more of an auto-biographical than I thought. I thought this blog would be about writing and my novel...and I guess it is. These are the thoughts that come to mind as I edit. Am I supposed to only write about writing? Teach creative writing, give tips, and play the expert or is writing about life and what we've learned along the way WHILE we write? I'm not really sure.
I just hate letting people down, but time and life lately have shown me that I'm not letting anyone down. I was standing in my own way and didn't realize it. I was hanging onto a role that no one wants me to play...HUGE light bulb moment here. I'm okay with that now, but God help them if they want me to revert back. You can't have your cake and eat it, too :)
Peace and love,
Ellie
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