I've been causing myself a bit of anxiety lately by trying to do too much. My biorhythm is lower in the Fall, going into Winter, so I'm listening to my body. I'm going into semi-hibernation mode. Do you do that?
My house is warm and toasty and I've taken out the warmer quilts and comforters for my bed. I have a warm blanket on my couch for naps and I've already made a pot of chicken soup that lasted me three days. Comfort foods and creature comforts are on the menu these days.
During this time of year, I don't accept many invitations and I enjoy my home. The river park is closed for the season and my car doesn't leave the lot as much. I stay close to home except for the Holidays which are fast-approaching. I love my home so this is a non-issue for me. I've lived alone for four years, so this isn't something that takes getting used to. I'm always busy and I enjoy the solitude at this time of year.
As for writing, I continue to edit my first novel, A Decent Woman. Seems hard to believe, doesn't it? Well, my new book on writing and editing the best novel I can, has inspired me. I know my novel is interesting to agents because I've had more than a dozen agents contact me for sample chapters over the last year. I've decided to give my novel a modern twist and this seems to be great for my historical novel. I'm not taking out a thing, only starting the book with a granddaughter who goes back for her grandmother's funeral and finds her journal which tells the story of Ana, the midwife. I am enjoying the process and I believe this will make my novel current and more commercial.
Agents have told me I'm a wonderful writer, that they enjoy my writing style and that my story intrigues them. The only negative thing I've heard from them and I don't think they're being kind to save my feelings, is that historical novels are difficult to sell. Well, adding the modern day element should fix that. I'm excited about going forward!
In my free time :) I decided to paint a portrait of Ana, the midwife. My Afro-Cuban, former slave will come to life. I've always wanted to paint Ana as I see her in mind's eye for my book cover. I am starting today. I haven't painted a portrait in two years, but I know I am ready. That part of my creative life has been missing and it seems like the time to start when I'm close to home.
This morning, I started Oprah and Deepak Chopra's 21-Day Meditation-Desire and Destiny; actually it begins tomorrow, but I wanted a head start. I enjoyed 20 minutes of relaxation sitting in my chair and I must have been very relaxed because I didn't even know that my cat,
Pierre, was snuggled in my lap. Nice. I love meditating and the clarity and peace it affords me.
I desire to continue to write and my destiny is that of a writer and an artist. I'm blessed to do what I love and am passionate about.
Happy Veteran's Day to you. I honor my father today along with men and women who have served and still serve this country with honor, pride and sacrifice. I also honor their families and the sacrifices they all make.
Ellie
Showing posts with label challenges. Show all posts
Showing posts with label challenges. Show all posts
Monday, November 11, 2013
Friday, November 8, 2013
When Do You Know When Your Novel is Finished?
Good morning! It's a beautiful day in West Virginia! The sun is out, it's a bit breezy and although it's partially cloudy, I'm enjoying my morning. The day could be better, but I'll take the sun peeking through the clouds any day. It rained all day yesterday, so I'll take partly cloudy.
Yeah, I've got ideas about what the "perfect" day looks like, but I'll take what is given to me. What choice do I have, any way? Today is what it is. I'll take it. Hey, I woke up. That is good enough for me.
I'm accepting about many things that happen and have happened in my life. I believe in going with the flow and finding the silver lining in every situation, no matter how difficult it may be or feel like. If my house feels cold and I realize that raising the temperature will result in a huge gas bill, I put on another layer and thank God that I have a roof over my head. It's all about how you look at things.
The only situation that I refuse to settle on, however, is my novel. Yes, the manuscript is finished and I've had my novel professionally edited, but is it really finished? I can't answer that question this morning.
I'm asked this question all the time--"Is your book finished?" I usually answer, "Yes and no" to which I get confused looks. Yes, I've written a book and it's saved on my laptop and I have a physical copy of the manuscript sitting on my dining room table. So, yes. But, every time I buy another how to write a novel book...I second guess myself which opens the door for self-doubt and worry. Is my book really finished? I hate reading a book and finding a typo. It makes me so sad for the author!
I know many writers who experience this. I've also had this experience in painting. When do you know when you're really finished with a work of art? It's a tough one! Maybe...
you know you're finished when you've read and reread your book and don't find any typos.
you know you're finished when you've exhausted every known avenue of editing.
you know you're finished when you've written the best book you know how to write.
you know you're finished when you've handed your manuscript to a couple of readers and they don't find anything.
you know you're finished when you just can't bear reading your novel one more time!
I was at that sweet spot until I bought yet another book on editing last week. Crap. No more! I'm reading this LAST book on how to write a breakout novel and no more how-to books!!
My book, A Decent Woman, is ready and when I'm asked if my book is finished, I shall ask the person to cover their ears and I shall yell, "Hell, yes!!"
Happy weekend to you all :)
Ellie
Yeah, I've got ideas about what the "perfect" day looks like, but I'll take what is given to me. What choice do I have, any way? Today is what it is. I'll take it. Hey, I woke up. That is good enough for me.
I'm accepting about many things that happen and have happened in my life. I believe in going with the flow and finding the silver lining in every situation, no matter how difficult it may be or feel like. If my house feels cold and I realize that raising the temperature will result in a huge gas bill, I put on another layer and thank God that I have a roof over my head. It's all about how you look at things.
The only situation that I refuse to settle on, however, is my novel. Yes, the manuscript is finished and I've had my novel professionally edited, but is it really finished? I can't answer that question this morning.
I'm asked this question all the time--"Is your book finished?" I usually answer, "Yes and no" to which I get confused looks. Yes, I've written a book and it's saved on my laptop and I have a physical copy of the manuscript sitting on my dining room table. So, yes. But, every time I buy another how to write a novel book...I second guess myself which opens the door for self-doubt and worry. Is my book really finished? I hate reading a book and finding a typo. It makes me so sad for the author!
I know many writers who experience this. I've also had this experience in painting. When do you know when you're really finished with a work of art? It's a tough one! Maybe...
you know you're finished when you've read and reread your book and don't find any typos.
you know you're finished when you've exhausted every known avenue of editing.
you know you're finished when you've written the best book you know how to write.
you know you're finished when you've handed your manuscript to a couple of readers and they don't find anything.
you know you're finished when you just can't bear reading your novel one more time!
I was at that sweet spot until I bought yet another book on editing last week. Crap. No more! I'm reading this LAST book on how to write a breakout novel and no more how-to books!!
My book, A Decent Woman, is ready and when I'm asked if my book is finished, I shall ask the person to cover their ears and I shall yell, "Hell, yes!!"
Happy weekend to you all :)
Ellie
Tuesday, November 5, 2013
There's That Word Again.
Boy, do we play mind games with ourselves when we're in the creative seat. I sure do, anyway. I tend to teeter between writing my head off and being blocked a couple of times a month. Excuses, excuses, I know. Normally, I can work through most things, but my Inner Child is alive and well this week.
I'm looking for any excuse not to sit my butt down and write today. Are you like me? Is it all or nothing for you? I get in those moods. It's either write for nine or ten hours a day or nothing at all. If anything on my to-do list crosses my mind, it can break the creative cycle. As it has today.
I love and hate lists. Mine never seem to end in this old house. There's always something to do and I have to remind myself that I do it alone. I give myself a break because I just can't do it all. I realize those are excuses, too. But, how realistic are they? They have to get done, right?
I have to clean. I have to put the Fall wreath on my front door. I have to throw out clothes. I have to find the perfect winter walking outfit. I have to walk Ozzy more before it snows and we have icy sidewalks. I have to lose weight before winter sets in. I have to do a deep cleaning before the days get shorter. I have to and I must organize my documents. NOT.
There it is. That word. Organize. I really hate it or is the word documents that I hate? Both cause me to scrunch up my nose and go clean my toilet.
Here's the weird thing--my house is organized. Okay, that's taking it to the extreme. The lower level of my house is organized-ish. If you come to my house, you'd see a nice living, a very nice dining room, a cute kitchen, clutter-free steps and semi-clean windows. As clean as 107-year old windows can be. My bedroom is pretty and the bathroom is adorable.
This is me trying to pat myself on the back for things that I have done! But, the list continues...
Other things on my mind this morning and I'd better get them down because they're driving me bonkers already:
I need to color my hair before the Holidays. There it is. That word. Holidays. Sheesh. I stayed home all weekend and wrote like a fiend and was SO happy. And then, I saw a holiday commercial, complete with Christmas music. What?
A friend told me how many Saturdays we have until Christmas...are you kidding me? Well, that just made me come to a screeching halt! Immediately, I had this sense of urgency and anxiety started creeping in. I could feel it. And, just as I was at 3,000 plus words on novel #2!
What else do I need to do before I can sit and write without interruptions, distractions, and delays? I need to wait until January 2014. Could that be true? The same thing happens to me in the Spring time when the plants are peeking through in my garden and I am dying to get my hands dirty.
What's the solution?!
Just write through it ALL. Steal an hour or two to write and don't give in to the censors in your head. I'm telling myself that, by the way. Just write when you can and don't stress yourself out.
Okay, I feel better now. My Inner Child is happy again. I don't have to pull my hair out and stress my hair, the holidays, my house, my documents and my semi-organized house that could look better.
All I have to do is show up when I can and write. So simple. It's ME who was complicating it all.
Ellie
I'm looking for any excuse not to sit my butt down and write today. Are you like me? Is it all or nothing for you? I get in those moods. It's either write for nine or ten hours a day or nothing at all. If anything on my to-do list crosses my mind, it can break the creative cycle. As it has today.
I love and hate lists. Mine never seem to end in this old house. There's always something to do and I have to remind myself that I do it alone. I give myself a break because I just can't do it all. I realize those are excuses, too. But, how realistic are they? They have to get done, right?
I have to clean. I have to put the Fall wreath on my front door. I have to throw out clothes. I have to find the perfect winter walking outfit. I have to walk Ozzy more before it snows and we have icy sidewalks. I have to lose weight before winter sets in. I have to do a deep cleaning before the days get shorter. I have to and I must organize my documents. NOT.
There it is. That word. Organize. I really hate it or is the word documents that I hate? Both cause me to scrunch up my nose and go clean my toilet.
Here's the weird thing--my house is organized. Okay, that's taking it to the extreme. The lower level of my house is organized-ish. If you come to my house, you'd see a nice living, a very nice dining room, a cute kitchen, clutter-free steps and semi-clean windows. As clean as 107-year old windows can be. My bedroom is pretty and the bathroom is adorable.
This is me trying to pat myself on the back for things that I have done! But, the list continues...
Other things on my mind this morning and I'd better get them down because they're driving me bonkers already:
I need to color my hair before the Holidays. There it is. That word. Holidays. Sheesh. I stayed home all weekend and wrote like a fiend and was SO happy. And then, I saw a holiday commercial, complete with Christmas music. What?
A friend told me how many Saturdays we have until Christmas...are you kidding me? Well, that just made me come to a screeching halt! Immediately, I had this sense of urgency and anxiety started creeping in. I could feel it. And, just as I was at 3,000 plus words on novel #2!
What else do I need to do before I can sit and write without interruptions, distractions, and delays? I need to wait until January 2014. Could that be true? The same thing happens to me in the Spring time when the plants are peeking through in my garden and I am dying to get my hands dirty.
What's the solution?!
Just write through it ALL. Steal an hour or two to write and don't give in to the censors in your head. I'm telling myself that, by the way. Just write when you can and don't stress yourself out.
Okay, I feel better now. My Inner Child is happy again. I don't have to pull my hair out and stress my hair, the holidays, my house, my documents and my semi-organized house that could look better.
All I have to do is show up when I can and write. So simple. It's ME who was complicating it all.
Ellie
Friday, September 27, 2013
Squash the Censors and Naysayers
When I left Northern Virginia and my job as a bilingual (Spanish) family support worker with a great non-profit, I had a plan and a dream--buy a small house and write full-time. I moved west where I could afford a home and finished my novel. I accomplished both in a very short period of time because I was motivated and probably a little bit nutty.
It has been three years since that moving truck pulled up to my new life. Was it easy? Yes, it was once I decided that was what I wanted to do. I was committed to my plan and the pieces fell into place very easily and very quickly. I decided and the Universe conspired with me to make my dreams a reality, but there were pros and cons
As I was renting, buying was a smart move although I live on much less than when I was working full-time. I've adjusted and it has been a steep learning curve as I'd never bought and financially managed a house on my own. I moved two hours from my adult children which was very painful, but I only saw my children twice a month and they lived ten minutes from my home. I loved working with my clients, but I was tired of running around with 27 client families and the paperwork...was just awful. I felt like a hamster in a wheel most days and creatively, I was stifled. There was little time to write and paint which I've done since I was in my early teens. I needed a creative life. Moving was the best decision ever and I've never looked back. There were sacrifices to make, however.
Is it still easy? No, it's not. I live retirement pay check to retirement pay check and tax season is always stressful, but with God's help and being creative and frugal, I manage. I still see my children once or twice a month which is great and I have met new friends in my new town. I try to take a road trip per month to visit friends and family which I love and my social life can be active if I choose. I love my home and I'm still working on this old house and garden which give me a lot of joy, satisfaction and peace.
The difficult parts of sticking to my plan are: sticking to my plan when money is tight and keeping the faith and my dream of seeing my historical novel, A Decent Woman, alive. I've looked into part-time jobs in my town, but they are either not available or the money is too low for the amount of time required. I want to write, period. To go backward and work full-time isn't an option for me. I've already lived my dream for three years, there is no going back in my hard-headed brain. I will make ends meet because I want this life and I must persevere. Worrying won't help. I must remain steadfast and confident about my novel and my historical novel-in-progress, Finding Gracia.
The most difficult part I've experienced is actually staying the course when rejection letters arrive and when I meet people whose faces seem to say, "Get a real job" when I say that my book hasn't been published yet. When I tell them that I'm working hard on getting an agent and a publisher the traditional route, I imagine that they're thinking how irresponsible I am. I 'hear' their thoughts out loud, "Time to give up on that dream, Ellie. Self publish your book." It's like a brief instant of pity crosses their faces and they're thinking how delusional I must be to continue to go after this dream of seeing my book in print, the traditional way. Of course, I have no clue what they're thinking, but it's like I hear those words. My censors are alive and well some days.
There's nothing like meeting new people to shake your firm foundation a bit and it's even harder with friends and family who know you well. Of course, this doesn't happen often, but when it does, it seems that all the good wishes and support instantly fade away. That's when I begin playing mind games with myself. I remind myself WHY I moved and WHY I must write. I believe in my novel and I love my story and characters. I have to silence the censors and naysayers in my head! When this happens, I take a walk or a short drive to clear my head. I remind myself of the difficult roads for all authors, including best selling authors. I visualize myself signing a stack of my books on a book tour and signing the contract for my second book. These tricks usually work and before I know it, I'm writing again.
I remind myself about how fortunate and blessed I am to do what I'm passionate about. I'm grateful for the opportunity and gift of writing full-time and very blessed to have a roof over my head. My children are happy, healthy and successful and I live alone with little or no distractions.
NOW, if I could just win the lottery...
Ellie
It has been three years since that moving truck pulled up to my new life. Was it easy? Yes, it was once I decided that was what I wanted to do. I was committed to my plan and the pieces fell into place very easily and very quickly. I decided and the Universe conspired with me to make my dreams a reality, but there were pros and cons
As I was renting, buying was a smart move although I live on much less than when I was working full-time. I've adjusted and it has been a steep learning curve as I'd never bought and financially managed a house on my own. I moved two hours from my adult children which was very painful, but I only saw my children twice a month and they lived ten minutes from my home. I loved working with my clients, but I was tired of running around with 27 client families and the paperwork...was just awful. I felt like a hamster in a wheel most days and creatively, I was stifled. There was little time to write and paint which I've done since I was in my early teens. I needed a creative life. Moving was the best decision ever and I've never looked back. There were sacrifices to make, however.
Is it still easy? No, it's not. I live retirement pay check to retirement pay check and tax season is always stressful, but with God's help and being creative and frugal, I manage. I still see my children once or twice a month which is great and I have met new friends in my new town. I try to take a road trip per month to visit friends and family which I love and my social life can be active if I choose. I love my home and I'm still working on this old house and garden which give me a lot of joy, satisfaction and peace.
The difficult parts of sticking to my plan are: sticking to my plan when money is tight and keeping the faith and my dream of seeing my historical novel, A Decent Woman, alive. I've looked into part-time jobs in my town, but they are either not available or the money is too low for the amount of time required. I want to write, period. To go backward and work full-time isn't an option for me. I've already lived my dream for three years, there is no going back in my hard-headed brain. I will make ends meet because I want this life and I must persevere. Worrying won't help. I must remain steadfast and confident about my novel and my historical novel-in-progress, Finding Gracia.
The most difficult part I've experienced is actually staying the course when rejection letters arrive and when I meet people whose faces seem to say, "Get a real job" when I say that my book hasn't been published yet. When I tell them that I'm working hard on getting an agent and a publisher the traditional route, I imagine that they're thinking how irresponsible I am. I 'hear' their thoughts out loud, "Time to give up on that dream, Ellie. Self publish your book." It's like a brief instant of pity crosses their faces and they're thinking how delusional I must be to continue to go after this dream of seeing my book in print, the traditional way. Of course, I have no clue what they're thinking, but it's like I hear those words. My censors are alive and well some days.
There's nothing like meeting new people to shake your firm foundation a bit and it's even harder with friends and family who know you well. Of course, this doesn't happen often, but when it does, it seems that all the good wishes and support instantly fade away. That's when I begin playing mind games with myself. I remind myself WHY I moved and WHY I must write. I believe in my novel and I love my story and characters. I have to silence the censors and naysayers in my head! When this happens, I take a walk or a short drive to clear my head. I remind myself of the difficult roads for all authors, including best selling authors. I visualize myself signing a stack of my books on a book tour and signing the contract for my second book. These tricks usually work and before I know it, I'm writing again.
I remind myself about how fortunate and blessed I am to do what I'm passionate about. I'm grateful for the opportunity and gift of writing full-time and very blessed to have a roof over my head. My children are happy, healthy and successful and I live alone with little or no distractions.
NOW, if I could just win the lottery...
Ellie
Tuesday, August 20, 2013
Going Solo and Taking Risks in Life
I replaced the power cord on my laptop last year and was back in business. This morning, my newish power cord didn't do the job. I'm borrowing my neighbor's power cord and had to apply plumbing tape just to keep it plugged in.
Ellie Unplugged. I don't like the sound of that, so my son ordered me yet another power cord. Thank you, son! I just pray it's not my laptop...that would suck royally.
I love new beginnings whether it's me, someone I love or a complete stranger. I love challenges, new experiences and new vistas and my children are no strangers to new beginnings. We started new lives in the United States after my marital separation in Belgium 2005 where we'd lived for 13 years. I taught my children by example to embrace new beginnings and take risks in life and they are certainly following my lead--my son is taking a three week "lone wolf" trek through Southeast Asia next month.
My initial reaction was a dropped jaw as I heard the news from my son on the phone this afternoon. But I know my son--he will research everything he can possibly research and he's travel savvy enough to know that he has to be careful and watchful. He has consulate phone numbers, train schedules and names of hotels on the way, but he's solo. I'm thrilled and worried at the same time. However, I raised fearless children and that makes me proud. I shouldn't be surprised that he is ready for this international trek.
My son invited his sister, my daughter, on this trip which really warmed my heart. But she is in graduate school and working part-time, not a good time for her. I'm PRAYING that she can go on one portion of the trip as she has always wanted to visit Southeast Asia. I think this would be a great trip for them both. My daughter is on her own adventure with graduate school and her new beginning will be when she graduates--she's a natural born therapist. I'm as thrilled for her as this is her passion in life and the happiest day will be when she graduates and my other happiest day will be when my son returns from this "lone wolf" trip!!
I joked with my son that I had time off and could go along on his adventure and knew that he'd laugh--he did :) It's not my place to go on this trip or any trip that my children go on these days. These are my children's life adventures and I'm thrilled for them. I did good with these two. I'm so proud of their life's achievements and their courage in the face of adversity when it has hit. I couldn't ask for any more from my children--they amaze me and I love them more than life itself.
Writing a book takes a lot of the same things that we're talking about here--risk taking, stamina, courage, resilience, strength of character, facing rejection and setbacks, and love of our stories and characters. Writing my first book, A Decent Woman, was a new chapter for me and seeing my book in print will be a whole new beginning and I'm more than ready for that!
Take the risk for your dream and passion in life--you'll never be sorry you did. Just put one foot in front of the other and walk toward your new beginning.
Peace and love,
Ellie
Ellie Unplugged. I don't like the sound of that, so my son ordered me yet another power cord. Thank you, son! I just pray it's not my laptop...that would suck royally.
I love new beginnings whether it's me, someone I love or a complete stranger. I love challenges, new experiences and new vistas and my children are no strangers to new beginnings. We started new lives in the United States after my marital separation in Belgium 2005 where we'd lived for 13 years. I taught my children by example to embrace new beginnings and take risks in life and they are certainly following my lead--my son is taking a three week "lone wolf" trek through Southeast Asia next month.
My initial reaction was a dropped jaw as I heard the news from my son on the phone this afternoon. But I know my son--he will research everything he can possibly research and he's travel savvy enough to know that he has to be careful and watchful. He has consulate phone numbers, train schedules and names of hotels on the way, but he's solo. I'm thrilled and worried at the same time. However, I raised fearless children and that makes me proud. I shouldn't be surprised that he is ready for this international trek.
My son invited his sister, my daughter, on this trip which really warmed my heart. But she is in graduate school and working part-time, not a good time for her. I'm PRAYING that she can go on one portion of the trip as she has always wanted to visit Southeast Asia. I think this would be a great trip for them both. My daughter is on her own adventure with graduate school and her new beginning will be when she graduates--she's a natural born therapist. I'm as thrilled for her as this is her passion in life and the happiest day will be when she graduates and my other happiest day will be when my son returns from this "lone wolf" trip!!
I joked with my son that I had time off and could go along on his adventure and knew that he'd laugh--he did :) It's not my place to go on this trip or any trip that my children go on these days. These are my children's life adventures and I'm thrilled for them. I did good with these two. I'm so proud of their life's achievements and their courage in the face of adversity when it has hit. I couldn't ask for any more from my children--they amaze me and I love them more than life itself.
Writing a book takes a lot of the same things that we're talking about here--risk taking, stamina, courage, resilience, strength of character, facing rejection and setbacks, and love of our stories and characters. Writing my first book, A Decent Woman, was a new chapter for me and seeing my book in print will be a whole new beginning and I'm more than ready for that!
Take the risk for your dream and passion in life--you'll never be sorry you did. Just put one foot in front of the other and walk toward your new beginning.
Peace and love,
Ellie
Monday, June 24, 2013
That Super Moon and My Quit Date
One of the reasons I will remember the Super Moon of this past weekend is clear--it was a mad, crazy, gorgeous moon. I will remember that I saw it best last night, Sunday, June 23, 2013. But, I will mostly remember that date for a very good reason--I quit smoking on that day.
When I wrote the first draft of my first novel, A Decent Woman, I was a non-smoker. I'd quit for eight years...and then, I found myself separated from my husband of 25 years. I didn't smoke for a year during our divorce proceedings, but on my 50th birthday, I had one celebratory cig. Just one. Well, you know you can't have just one cigarette. A year later, I was a divorced lady and a 50-year old smoker. Fast forward five years and the habit was well-reestablished. Yesterday morning was my quit date and with the help of a close friend I hadn't seen in years and a gorgeous moon to gaze upon, I put the cigarette pack down.
I want to complete the first draft of my second novel, Finding Gracia on El Camino, (not 100% sold on the title) as a non-smoker. I want my non-smoking status to remain in effect until forever. I have adult children to enjoy and I want to be around for all of their joyful occasions and for my future grandchildren. Done.
Now, I write a blog about the writing life which happens to be MY life. So it would make sense that I share some personal things because what I experience in life has influences on my writing, why I write and the ins and outs of my writing and blog posts. Although I'm able to put 'my stuff' on the imaginary shelf above my head while I write my books, stuff, my stuff seeps into my blog. That's tougher for me. Very often, I view my blog as my journal which is what they used to be known as when I first started blogging in 2007.
I'm a good, solid writer and I'm 100% committed to writing and publishing books. I don't know it all and I'm learning every day. That's what I share in my blog posts with my readers--The Writing Life--my experiences on my path of writing books and seeing them published. I'm always going to be a student of life and a writer who learns every day. I do tackle writing challenges and the joys of writing in my blog, but not as an expert, but from my personal experience. I often blog about style, marketing, publishing, agents, and the writing biz in this my only blog, but my life also sneaks into blog posts. As much as I'd like to believe that outside 'stuff' doesn't affect my blogs and my writing, I know better. I sure does.
I'm a little groggy this morning and I know why. I've given up coffee, tea and red wine for a few months while I get a good grip on this non-smoking thing. All triggers for me. I haven't had a coffee or a tea this morning. I'm sure I'll go through caffeine withdrawals, as well. Great :) That's okay, a little headache is okay and it won't last long.
Off to make Dr. Oz's green juice. I need to detox a little more and I definitely need a week full of peace, quiet, serenity, calm and R&R.
Peace, love and ZEN moments in my path to a smoke-free life.
Happy Monday to you!
Ellie
Tuesday, June 18, 2013
The Secret to a Successful Writing Career...REALLY??
At this very moment, a good friend and former co-worker is in labor with her first child. I'm very excited for her and her husband and found myself waking up like a nervous Auntie every two or three hours to check my cell phone for updates. I texted my friend about 40 minutes ago, thinking that maybe the baby had been born since her labor began early last night. She texted back that her contractions were every two minutes. I was AMAZED that she texted me back, I thought I would surely hear from her husband and not her! She must have amazing drugs or an incredibly high tolerance to pain or as they called it in my birthing class way back when--discomfort. Yeah, right. Discomfort :) I'm praying for my friend and her baby. What a beautiful time for them.
Several of my younger friends have had babies this year and all returned to their jobs within a few months of giving birth and in one friend's case, after she gave birth to twins. They all seem to have supportive husbands with their own jobs and super daycare situations which you would expect in the DC area. A couple of friends have relatives living nearby for extra help which is great.
This morning I read an article in The Guardian by Alison Flood about author/mother Zadie Smith's criticism of author Lauren Sandler's (single child, mother of one) suggestion "that women should restrict the size of their families if they want to avoid limiting their careers." The suggestion that limiting the children was the secret to success initially raised my eyebrows and annoyed me. But, as I continued to read, I began to vacilate between agreeing with a small point of the suggestion and shaking my head in disagreement at Sandler's suggestion. There are so many sides to this issue.
I began writing my first novel in 2006 when my children were in high school. It wasn't a choice, mind you. I had been an at-home Mom in a traditional marriage (as was my parent's marriage) where my husband worked outside the home and I took care of the house and the children. I was blessed to be able to stay home, I always said that. I was a working artist and a late blooming writer who didn't get the 'writing a whole novel' bug until my kids were in high school. My then-husband drove the kids to school in the morning and I remember thinking that I had eight wonderful free hours to write as both kids played sports after school. My husband didn't get home until 7, so my creative life was productive and seemless. When my kids and husband walked through the door, I closed the laptop and put down the paintbrushes.
At that time, I had a married author friend who had two elementary school children. She managed to write and publish two books, so I knew it could be done. We were both at-home Moms and many times we agreed that it was easier to focus on writing while working at home. I used to say that having children gave me three things I personally lacked--organization, discipline and focus. I knew I had limited time and energy so, I made good use of my time in those days. My husband's income allowed me to write and not worry about the bills. Fact.
Today I'm divorced and support myself. I write full time. My children have graduated from college and have successful careers. I retired myself from a short career in the social services arena and have free time every day. And, you know what? With a lack of structure and schedule, and no real demands on my time--I find my creative organization, discipline and focus lacking some days! My friends with careers and children at home do more than anyone I know and accomplish great things and, good for them! As a 55 year old, I can no longer run around like I did in my 30's and 40's. Their schedules make me tired, but I applaud them.
I don't think the question should be how many children could possibly interfere and mess up a writing career. I believe it's who we select as the father of our children that's important (since we're talking about women in this blog), if they want children. My girlfriends with children seem to have husbands who support their careers for the long haul. Their husbands seem to be on board with taking turns with household chores, running the kids around and taking them to doctor appointments. As long as the children are well taken care of, it doesn't matter to me who does it as long as it's done and done well. Whatever floats your boat.
What I know--the keys to a successful career are discipline, organization, focus, drive, creativity, money, a supportive spouse (if they're married), family nearby, or excellent daycare (if they have children). There's no one answer here. So why add children to the issue? Children aren't the issue and the number of children isn't the issue.
I can't count the way in which my children enriched my life as newborns, toddlers, grade school children, tweens, high schoolers, college-aged kids and now, as adults!
Did remaining childless make Emily Bronte a superior writer? Were all of Hemingway's children taken care of by a nanny or his ex-wives? Was that why he was such an amazing, prolific writer? Who knows. I believe every situation was/is different and you'll find every possible scenario with any author, male or female. There are plenty of single Dads out there writing and publishing fantastic books with young children at home and women with three or four children pumping out highly acclaimed books. There are single or married writers, men and women, with no children who with all the time in the world, can't seem to finish a book.
After I read the article, I read all the comments (which are sometimes more interesting than the blog post they follow) out of curiosity. Well, weren't my panties in a damn twist by this comment made by a reader I'm assuming is a man:
"On the other hand there is the argument that the quality of women's writing never quite matches that of men, regardless of how many children are involved."
This guy gave me a major wedgie that I'm still having trouble with! Who says that?!
I know that I'll return to that article all day long to check out the comments to this little nugget and this genius' rebuttals.
Ellie
Several of my younger friends have had babies this year and all returned to their jobs within a few months of giving birth and in one friend's case, after she gave birth to twins. They all seem to have supportive husbands with their own jobs and super daycare situations which you would expect in the DC area. A couple of friends have relatives living nearby for extra help which is great.
This morning I read an article in The Guardian by Alison Flood about author/mother Zadie Smith's criticism of author Lauren Sandler's (single child, mother of one) suggestion "that women should restrict the size of their families if they want to avoid limiting their careers." The suggestion that limiting the children was the secret to success initially raised my eyebrows and annoyed me. But, as I continued to read, I began to vacilate between agreeing with a small point of the suggestion and shaking my head in disagreement at Sandler's suggestion. There are so many sides to this issue.
I began writing my first novel in 2006 when my children were in high school. It wasn't a choice, mind you. I had been an at-home Mom in a traditional marriage (as was my parent's marriage) where my husband worked outside the home and I took care of the house and the children. I was blessed to be able to stay home, I always said that. I was a working artist and a late blooming writer who didn't get the 'writing a whole novel' bug until my kids were in high school. My then-husband drove the kids to school in the morning and I remember thinking that I had eight wonderful free hours to write as both kids played sports after school. My husband didn't get home until 7, so my creative life was productive and seemless. When my kids and husband walked through the door, I closed the laptop and put down the paintbrushes.
At that time, I had a married author friend who had two elementary school children. She managed to write and publish two books, so I knew it could be done. We were both at-home Moms and many times we agreed that it was easier to focus on writing while working at home. I used to say that having children gave me three things I personally lacked--organization, discipline and focus. I knew I had limited time and energy so, I made good use of my time in those days. My husband's income allowed me to write and not worry about the bills. Fact.
Today I'm divorced and support myself. I write full time. My children have graduated from college and have successful careers. I retired myself from a short career in the social services arena and have free time every day. And, you know what? With a lack of structure and schedule, and no real demands on my time--I find my creative organization, discipline and focus lacking some days! My friends with careers and children at home do more than anyone I know and accomplish great things and, good for them! As a 55 year old, I can no longer run around like I did in my 30's and 40's. Their schedules make me tired, but I applaud them.
I don't think the question should be how many children could possibly interfere and mess up a writing career. I believe it's who we select as the father of our children that's important (since we're talking about women in this blog), if they want children. My girlfriends with children seem to have husbands who support their careers for the long haul. Their husbands seem to be on board with taking turns with household chores, running the kids around and taking them to doctor appointments. As long as the children are well taken care of, it doesn't matter to me who does it as long as it's done and done well. Whatever floats your boat.
What I know--the keys to a successful career are discipline, organization, focus, drive, creativity, money, a supportive spouse (if they're married), family nearby, or excellent daycare (if they have children). There's no one answer here. So why add children to the issue? Children aren't the issue and the number of children isn't the issue.
I can't count the way in which my children enriched my life as newborns, toddlers, grade school children, tweens, high schoolers, college-aged kids and now, as adults!
Did remaining childless make Emily Bronte a superior writer? Were all of Hemingway's children taken care of by a nanny or his ex-wives? Was that why he was such an amazing, prolific writer? Who knows. I believe every situation was/is different and you'll find every possible scenario with any author, male or female. There are plenty of single Dads out there writing and publishing fantastic books with young children at home and women with three or four children pumping out highly acclaimed books. There are single or married writers, men and women, with no children who with all the time in the world, can't seem to finish a book.
After I read the article, I read all the comments (which are sometimes more interesting than the blog post they follow) out of curiosity. Well, weren't my panties in a damn twist by this comment made by a reader I'm assuming is a man:
"On the other hand there is the argument that the quality of women's writing never quite matches that of men, regardless of how many children are involved."
This guy gave me a major wedgie that I'm still having trouble with! Who says that?!
I know that I'll return to that article all day long to check out the comments to this little nugget and this genius' rebuttals.
Ellie
Thursday, June 13, 2013
The Choices We Make in Life
I can't say that this week has been a fruitful writing week. I was so far behind with chores that I couldn't focus on writing for very long. I hated it. After a couple of days of trying hard to push 'things' out of my head, ignore the mess around me and get stuck in my second novel, I just gave up. Housework won.
Ellie-loss. House-win. It happens, but I don't get bogged down and fall into a slump. I know things have to get taken care of and I write better when I'm focused and energized. I know the house will be here long after I'm gone and I tell myself that, but I've also run out of paper plates and plastic bowls and Solo cups! It was time to clean, wash and put away. I did manage to connect with friends and family this week and that was wonderful.
My cyber friend Linda (who I've never met in person) has always pulled my chain about all the stuff I do and get accomplished :) She jokes about my desire to have it all and get 'er done! Okay. I write, I paint and exhibit my work, I garden, I take road trips with friends, I host gatherings at the river, and I take photographs. Creatively, you won't find anyone happier to do what she loves than me. I'm grateful, blessed and I know it. BUT, I also created a world that would give me the opportunity to write and be creative. And, so can you. I felt an urgency to change my life nearly three years ago and finish my first book started many years ago.
I moved to an area that I could afford, bought a house that I could well afford, and I live frugally, but living frugally doesn't mean I'm lacking a thing. It just depends on what makes you happy. I wanted to write full time, so I had to learn to live with less monthly income. Sacrifices had to be made.
When I decided to change my life, I imagined myself like a balance with arms outstretched, palms up. On one hand, I put living in the DC area, paying through the nose for a large, beautiful townhouse and working my ass off for little pay. I lived ten minutes from each of my kids and I had friends nearby which I loved, but I was also stressed out, overweight, frustrated with my pay, and lacked of creative life.
On the other hand, I put a better life for myself. I envisioned myself doing what I love and am passionate about, living in a largish, small town, and owning my own small home. I put writing and painting, puttering around my perennial garden, and my Pug playing in the yard. I knew I'd have to leave my children in the DC area and it pained me, so I searched for a home one to two hours from them. I found that house. I am able to visit my kids one to two times a month which always makes me very happy.
The balance (and my soul) tilted so much toward the creative life that the DC townhouse, the job and the stress fell out of my hands and I liked how that felt. I began my search for a new life and a new home. I could feel the weight lifting off my shoulder as I searched and when I finally bought and moved, I remember the joy and peace I felt seeing the DC area in the rear view mirror of my car. My heart was happy as I drove through the countryside and around the mountains to my new home. I'm still happy here and I love the life I've created for myself.
Yeah, I don't have a dishwasher, the water pipes are original to this old house and water pressure sucks and I don't have central AC, but the house is mine. I downsized and every six months or so, I get rid of items that I no longer need and that don't serve me. I don't always have extra money for travel and dinners out and I do stress about money, but who doesn't? Every time that I bemoan the fact that I don't have extra money for travel or new plumbing, I remember that I'm blessed to own a home. And, I write for a living. Done.
When I get a good bit of writing done, I go outside and weed. I have a small yard, a courtyard patio and I live in a small three bedroom duplex. I water my plants and vegies, take photographs of them and I sweep the patio. I go back inside and write for a few more hours. I might go back outside and repot a plant or paint a wall of my outdoor shed and go back inside to vacuum the rugs which are always hairy with a dog and a cat at home. The breaks I take from writing help me decompress, think and clear my head. A beautiful garden feeds my soul and make me happy. Yes, they are distractions, but they also feed me emotionally and spiritually. They fill my well. The major distraction for me with writing I discovered isn't my garden or house--it's the Internet. Can't live with it and can't live without it!
So, Linda :) Watch out, girlfriend! I'm going to continue to be like the US Army and get more done before 8 am than anyone you know!
Happy weekend to you all!
Peace and love,
Ellie
Ellie-loss. House-win. It happens, but I don't get bogged down and fall into a slump. I know things have to get taken care of and I write better when I'm focused and energized. I know the house will be here long after I'm gone and I tell myself that, but I've also run out of paper plates and plastic bowls and Solo cups! It was time to clean, wash and put away. I did manage to connect with friends and family this week and that was wonderful.
My cyber friend Linda (who I've never met in person) has always pulled my chain about all the stuff I do and get accomplished :) She jokes about my desire to have it all and get 'er done! Okay. I write, I paint and exhibit my work, I garden, I take road trips with friends, I host gatherings at the river, and I take photographs. Creatively, you won't find anyone happier to do what she loves than me. I'm grateful, blessed and I know it. BUT, I also created a world that would give me the opportunity to write and be creative. And, so can you. I felt an urgency to change my life nearly three years ago and finish my first book started many years ago.
I moved to an area that I could afford, bought a house that I could well afford, and I live frugally, but living frugally doesn't mean I'm lacking a thing. It just depends on what makes you happy. I wanted to write full time, so I had to learn to live with less monthly income. Sacrifices had to be made.
When I decided to change my life, I imagined myself like a balance with arms outstretched, palms up. On one hand, I put living in the DC area, paying through the nose for a large, beautiful townhouse and working my ass off for little pay. I lived ten minutes from each of my kids and I had friends nearby which I loved, but I was also stressed out, overweight, frustrated with my pay, and lacked of creative life.
On the other hand, I put a better life for myself. I envisioned myself doing what I love and am passionate about, living in a largish, small town, and owning my own small home. I put writing and painting, puttering around my perennial garden, and my Pug playing in the yard. I knew I'd have to leave my children in the DC area and it pained me, so I searched for a home one to two hours from them. I found that house. I am able to visit my kids one to two times a month which always makes me very happy.
The balance (and my soul) tilted so much toward the creative life that the DC townhouse, the job and the stress fell out of my hands and I liked how that felt. I began my search for a new life and a new home. I could feel the weight lifting off my shoulder as I searched and when I finally bought and moved, I remember the joy and peace I felt seeing the DC area in the rear view mirror of my car. My heart was happy as I drove through the countryside and around the mountains to my new home. I'm still happy here and I love the life I've created for myself.
Yeah, I don't have a dishwasher, the water pipes are original to this old house and water pressure sucks and I don't have central AC, but the house is mine. I downsized and every six months or so, I get rid of items that I no longer need and that don't serve me. I don't always have extra money for travel and dinners out and I do stress about money, but who doesn't? Every time that I bemoan the fact that I don't have extra money for travel or new plumbing, I remember that I'm blessed to own a home. And, I write for a living. Done.
When I get a good bit of writing done, I go outside and weed. I have a small yard, a courtyard patio and I live in a small three bedroom duplex. I water my plants and vegies, take photographs of them and I sweep the patio. I go back inside and write for a few more hours. I might go back outside and repot a plant or paint a wall of my outdoor shed and go back inside to vacuum the rugs which are always hairy with a dog and a cat at home. The breaks I take from writing help me decompress, think and clear my head. A beautiful garden feeds my soul and make me happy. Yes, they are distractions, but they also feed me emotionally and spiritually. They fill my well. The major distraction for me with writing I discovered isn't my garden or house--it's the Internet. Can't live with it and can't live without it!
So, Linda :) Watch out, girlfriend! I'm going to continue to be like the US Army and get more done before 8 am than anyone you know!
Happy weekend to you all!
Peace and love,
Ellie
Thursday, May 30, 2013
She Stood in the Storm...
She stood in the storm, and when the wind did not blow her way,
she adjusted her sail.
-Elizabeth Edwards
I remembered this quote after I wrote yesterday's blog post. I'd reread my words and realized that it was time to adjust my sail. I was already tired of feeling like the kid standing in front of a carousel, wanting to get on, but who can only watch the painted horses go round and round. I'd symbolically licked my index finger and put it up, searching for a breeze and yesterday, I didn't find a breeze. I don't do whiny and victim well, so writing out my feelings really helped me.
I decided that I would adjust my sail and find that damn breeze because I know it's out there. There's plenty of breeze to go around, I just have to find it and keep adjusting accordingly.
When I began my first novel, I was the kid who sits on a large piece of cardboard, giddy and eager to go down the snowy hill that glistens in front of her. The anticipation and adrenaline of seeing my novel published and read by family, friends and strangers really kept me going. I didn't know diddly squat about the publishing business, but I had high hope that my story was fresh and unique enough for publication and representation. The momentum was great.
But sometimes, we hit a patch of ice that derails us or we hit a patch where the snow has melted and the grass is growing, forcing our piece of cardboard to come to a dead halt. We keep scooting forward, hoping to find that momentum again and sometimes, we just don't find it. I'm not sure if my piece of cardboard came to a dead stop yesterday OR maybe I stopped it. Yesterday, I was frustrated and overwhelmed. I got tired of the false starts, rejection and seemingly, dead ends with my novel.
In 2006, I went through a marital separation, a trans-Atlantic move with my kids back to the US, and I divorced. I'd turned 50 and worked full-time while going back to school part-time. I'm no quitter. I've come through adversity and challenges with flying colors (to me) and I don't shy away from the road less traveled. I finish what I start.
This sounds like a pep talk, doesn't it? Well, sometimes you have to talk yourself into believing that you can do it. Fake it until you make it, they say. But, I'm not faking it--I'm doing it. I do, however, have to remind myself that I'm tough, tenacious, and that I've accomplished great things in my life. I've lived an interesting life here and abroad and I still have visions of adventures, living overseas, traveling, sharing in my kid's happy moments, and of holding my future grandchildren. There's a lot left to experience and I'm excited for the future with my children and my future as a writer and published novelist.
The writer's life isn't an easy road to navigate and the publishing world is even tougher. It's a lonely life at times, but I love it. I moved to WV to be able to write full-time and I've done just that. I received lovely comments and emails after I posted yesterday's blog post and I say THANK YOU. Two friends, both published authors, came forward to give me encouragement, support and virtual hugs. I needed them!
I went out with a good friend last night who has come through difficulties and adversity in her personal and professional life. She called out of the blue and didn't take no for an answer when she suggested we go out. I tried to beg off, saying my hair didn't look great and that my jeans were dirty (true), but she ignored me. "Be ready in 10 minutes, I've already left the house," she said. Okay, then! In that situation, I faked it until I made it. I really didn't want to go out.
During our catching up, I realized that my friend had needed the night out as much as I had. We kept thanking each other for the fun evening and vowed not to allow ourselves to get bogged down with the small stuff. And, that we have to get out every now and then!
This morning, I realized that I'd brought down my sail yesterday. I'd folded it carefully and put it away. Self-preservation? Perhaps it was. But, I've decided to unfold and raise that sail again today. I'm adjusting my sails toward small presses for my novel. I'm pleased that many big name agents have asked to see sample chapters of my novel. That shows me that I'm on the right path. I just have to keep adjusting my sails until I hit my stride by rewriting and making my novel the best it can be.
Good luck to all the writers out there! Hang in there, I know it's tough and you're not alone. Praying for smooth seas and lots of wind for us! I have renewed faith today. It's fragile, but it's there.
Thanks again to the writers who came forward yesterday, fanning my sails for me when I just couldn't catch a damn breeze :)
Peace and love to you,
Ellie
This morning, I realized that I'd brought down my sail yesterday. I'd folded it carefully and put it away. Self-preservation? Perhaps it was. But, I've decided to unfold and raise that sail again today. I'm adjusting my sails toward small presses for my novel. I'm pleased that many big name agents have asked to see sample chapters of my novel. That shows me that I'm on the right path. I just have to keep adjusting my sails until I hit my stride by rewriting and making my novel the best it can be.
Good luck to all the writers out there! Hang in there, I know it's tough and you're not alone. Praying for smooth seas and lots of wind for us! I have renewed faith today. It's fragile, but it's there.
Thanks again to the writers who came forward yesterday, fanning my sails for me when I just couldn't catch a damn breeze :)
Peace and love to you,
Ellie
Thursday, May 16, 2013
The Muck and the Mire
I bought this 107-year old house (duplex) two years this month on a wing and a prayer. I'd never purchased a home on my own and it was a terrifying experience. If I hadn't had the most amazing, awesome, and encouraging real estate agent in the world on my side, I wouldn't have done it. I know this. Well, with her gentle push, I bought the house and I'm so glad.
My old house is solid and sound and today, everything works! I LOVE old houses, old furniture, old books and it's no surprise to me that I LOVE writing historical fiction.
Yeah, the water pressure isn't great in my old house and I don't have outlets where I'd like them, but all in all, it's a great house for me. Unfortunately, the chimney was closed off, so I don't have a working fireplace, but I have a great mantle. All the floors are Southern Pine and the doors, door knobs, and sash windows are original. I was smitten.
I'm missing sixteen wood shutters that were stolen when the house was in foreclosure years ago and I hate that crappy metal awning, but the house works for me. It's just the right size with three bedrooms and one bathroom. And, room in the utility room for a teeny weeny powder room in the future.
The small yard which runs along the side of the house to a flagstone patio in the back, off the kitchen door is just enough for me to maintain and I can mow the lawn in five minutes. I planted a garden along the front fence which I can see from my dining room window where I write. A special writing place is important to me.
I've decorated the house like I like it with furniture that reminds me of my many postings around the world and my children's photographs surround me. I've had happy times in this house and although my children live in the DC area and I miss them. This is home, our home. They don't visit as often as I'd like them to, but they're allergic to cats and there's Pierre, my cat. So, I visit them.
Life was good before I left for Europe four weeks ago. Then, I received a letter from the city. All the owners on my street (the city planner is making her way to every street in my town) received a letter citing the things we have to do to be in compliance with city ordinance. My letter stated that I had three months to remove the chipping red paint on the red brick...that's my whole house.
I don't know why people paint red brick with red paint. Doesn't make sense to me, but that's what a former owner did. So, as the new owner, it was my problem. I was really upset with this news and tried not to think about it during my vacation, but the idea of a major financial ordeal kept creeping into my mind. I dreaded going home to deal with this.
So, my friend and former owner of the house graciously offered to help me scrape paint off the brick when I returned. We didn't know how we were going to reach the second story and up from there, but we would begin. She and I began scraping paint yesterday morning and after an hour, a man walked by and offered to scrape the paint off my entire house for $130! Thank you, God!! A stranger to me who was looking for quick money. I was a bit hesitant, but after speaking with him and asking him to sign a legal contract that I printed off the laptop, I agreed to the price.
Yesterday was a beautiful sunny day, so he is nearly finished with the largest portion of the house, the side. This morning it's raining, so I doubt I'll see him, but I'm so happy that he walked by when he did, looking for work. The house looks great and I'll deal with the mortar later.
As I looked at this photograph this morning, I had a great idea...I'll have him remove the crappy metal awning! He has to work on the front of the house and that will make it much easier for him and make the front more aesthetically pleasing! The thought makes me so happy! The house is an historic property, BUT the awning isn't original to the house, so I'm good there.
It's said that to move forward to a better place, you have to reach and go through a rough patch. The city is just doing their job and now, I will be able to remove the awning at a great price. In the future, I'll have someone build a wood railing with a Federal style wood awning with two wood pillars. Perfect. That should make the Historical Society or as we jokingly call it, the Hysterical Society, happy :)
My manuscript, A Decent Woman, will have to wait a week for me to get stuck in it again. However, this glitch in my writing routine turned out to be the best thing ever.
I'm happy on this rainy West Virginia morning.
Peace and love,
Ellie
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
Writing Momentum and My Inner Child
I arrived in the US and stayed with another friend for two days before heading home for two days. Then, I got on another train and headed back to the DC area for my nephew's graduation and Mother's Day. On Monday, I stayed with my friend's daughter and we grieved the loss of her mother and my dear friend. A lot of emotion and activity for one lady.
I truly don't know what day it is and when I woke up, for a split second I didn't know where I was. If it's Tuesday, this must be Belgium! Wasn't that a movie from the 70's? Must look that up...and look at my phone so that I can find out what day it is because I honestly have no clue.
Anyway, I LOVED visiting my friends and enjoyed a beautiful Mother's Day with my children. I wouldn't trade those special moments and new memories for anything, but, it sure was nice to sleep in my own bed last night. I had a great night's sleep and so did my furry babies. We had a very nice reunion last night. Ozzy the Pug is at my feet, snoring softly and Pierre the Maine Coon kitten looks like a sphinx, lying on the window sill, watching cars go by. The kitten's tail is swishing from side to side and Ozzy's rhythmic breathing is kinda making me sleepy. Am I still jet lagged?
It's early on a cloudy morning and the weather people are calling for rain, two days of rain which is perfect writing weather. I have a bad feeling that I won't be able to write today, though. I feel pulled in too many directions this morning. I don't feel grounded. Actually, I feel a bit jittery. Have I already had too much tea? Is the Universe conspiring against me writing today?
I had a mental to-do list going on the train home last night. I just hate that. I want to get stuck in my manuscript and I want the world to slow down. I resent having to clean my house, pay bills, do laundry and I'm feeling my Inner Child come out! I want to be alone with my characters and my story. I want to get reacquainted and I want to work on the issues the agent in NYC suggested I work on. I want to write! I'm feeling a mid-life tantrum coming on. "I'm not doing that because I don't wanna!"
I must return to saying, "No, thank you," to invitations during my work week and this weekend will be spent at home alone. I've just decided. I've seen most of my good friends during the last four weeks and it was wonderful. Time to get to writing and spending some quality alone time with me, myself and I...and with my furry babies who need their yearly shots, nails clipped and Ozzy could do with a bath. Crap...even the animals are pulling me away from my manuscript. I miss my friend in Austria dearly
Just before I departed for Austria in late April, I was gaining ground with my manuscript, A Decent Woman and had a daily writing schedule that I was very happy with. On Mondays, I cleaned my house (lightly cleaned, let's not lose our heads here, I don't love housework) and I did the laundry. I paid bills and wrote replies to emails. I also cut my grass and weeded the garden a bit. After all that was done, I had Tuesday-Sunday to write and blog. I was one happy camper, but don't get me wrong--my European vacation was awesome!! I wouldn't trade that experience with my friend for nothing! We had a super time together and we have new memories that will never be forgotten.
I've arrived home mid-week and I'm feeling discombobulated. Time for a list! A list will help ground me and I'm a great list maker. That's what I need to do--make a list to regain my momentum at home and with my novel. I'm behind on bills and my house needs scraping and repainting...which began today. I'm tired just thinking of all that.
Hey. I just thought of something. I'm a fiction writer...if I want today to be Monday, it shall be so. If I choose tomorrow to be my To-Do List Fictional Monday, no one will be able to convince me otherwise! My Inner Child is alive and well.
Time to check the phone to see what day it is and to look at the 1,000 plus photographs I took in Austria, Hungary and Romania :)
Peace and love,
Ellie
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
Thoughts of Dogwoods and Life
After breakfast, I walked through my garden in my white robe, sipping hot tea and checking on all my babies. I hope that the perennials I planted last summer bloom again. I spotted two robins along the back fence and noticed new growth on the hydrangea plants and the astilbe. The daffodils and lilies are six inches high now and the ivy in the pot is as strong as ever. I still have this month to prune my ancient grapevines and the little dogwood tree my friend D gave me last year has tiny buds on the branches. That made me happiest of all.
Last year on Earth Day, my friend D was offered two 'twigs', dogwood trees with roots in a plastic bag of dirt. She surprised me with one 'twig' last year as a house warming gift and couldn't have known how happy that made me. D said she didn't know if the 'twig' would survive, but I was hopeful and so pleased.
You see, dogwoods were my mother's favorite tree. They will always remind me of my mother who passed away in 1992. She also loved lilac bushes. I love both. My parents had several flowering dogwood trees on their property in Northern Virginia. Beautiful dogwoods in creamy white and shades of light and darker pink. They're delicate-looking, compact trees that don't grow huge like an oak or a maple, perfect for a smaller yard like mine. Well, I was thrilled.
A Virginia dogwood had ended up in a West Virginian garden. Just like me, a Virginia transplant in a new home, I told D. I too, had been delicate, fragile, and had replanted myself many times after my divorce. My kids, family and many friends feared for me in a new town and state, worried that I'd hate West Virginia and that I'd made an awful mistake in moving. It didn't matter that it hadn't been my choice to leave Europe, end my marriage, and move across the Atlantic, but here I am.
I immediately planted the little dogwood in a large clay pot and decided that we would no longer call it 'twig'. It's a dogwood and I babied that tree all last spring. Midsummer D visited again and we planted the dogwood in my yard. I decided to plant it along the side fence away from the wind that always blows like crazy through the side yard. She reminded me that I would have to move it, but I was dead set in protecting it first. I staked the little dogwood and it has thrived there. The dogwood grew four inches last year and I'm praying that it survives the winter and continues to thrive. But, I might have made a small mistake with my precious little dogwood...
I planted it along the side fence, way too close to the fence, actually. In my attempt to protect and save the sapling, I'd forgotten about trust and allowing things to progress as they are meant to. I'll have to move it to a location where it is able grow as large as it wants. The spot is confining and not conducive to future growth...I forgot to trust.
as I write this blog post, it feels eerie. The comparisons between my new life in West Virginia and this little dogwood are amazing to me. I've always felt in tune with nature, so this shouldn't surprise me.
Two springs ago, I moved to West Virginia to start a new life. I bought and move to a house that I could well afford and to a location that would allow me to write full time. At the time, I saw no other option. Friends and my children encouraged me to look at other houses, but I was so afraid that I just made the decision and did it. West Virginia isn't forever, but it sure has been a soft place to land and I've been able to live my life as I envisioned it. I've felt safe and protected in this place. The experience of moving on my own has been difficult at times because I'm away from my two adult children, but I've healed here. I'd put down tender, shallow roots and they spread. I've grounded myself in this town and I feel I've thrived...
but, I now realize that I've planted myself real close to the fence in an attempt to regroup after divorce. I wonder what would have happened if I'd trusted and been a bit more patient? Well, I'm not one to dwell on the past nor agonize over decisions. I did what I thought was right for me. I finished my novel and have begun to write my second book. I've made friends and feel a part of my crazy and colorful neighborhood. I've also protected my heart in many ways...there it is.
Is it time for me to move away from the fence? What will moving away from the fence mean for me? What will it look like?
It looks like book #3, that's what it looks like :) The outline is already written because I've lived it. That book will be the sequel to the book I'm writing now or the ending...and I didn't realize it until just NOW. Just this second.
Trust.
Peace and love,
Ellie
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Pruning Your Novel
Every Christmas I choose a live tree and fresh wreaths and garlands to decorate the exterior and interior of my house. The evergreen smells and the joy that fresh trees and greenery offer me are worth the trouble and money. Once, I kept my tree and decorations up until March because I couldn't bear tossing them into the back of the trash truck. It happened again this year with the garlands of greenery along my front fence and the fresh wreath my friend gave me for Christmas - the one on the antique chair I placed on my front porch. Correction, had. I finally threw the wreath away yesterday. I hated doing that and was hoping to add little Easter eggs to it, but it was too dry and brittle.
I had the same experience with cutting out certain scenes and chapters in my first novel. I had put a lot of blood, sweat and tears into those scenes and chapters. I loved them, but ultimately, I had to face the fact that they did nothing for the novel I was working on. Pruning the novel felt like cutting away pieces of me! It was hard to do, but I understood why it had to be done. I could use those chapters and scenes in another book.
This coming March, I have to prune the ancient Concord grapevine on my patio that offers me precious shade in spring and summer, not to mention bushels and bushels of wonderful grapes through October. I bought this old house two years ago and couldn't bear the thought of pruning, fearful that I'd kill it in the process of pruning!
The first summer, I had more grapes than I could eat and last summer, the harvest was great, but not as bountiful as the previous year. I could tell. My friend insisted that this March was pruning time - a heavy, no holds barred pruning. That terrifies me. What if I kill it? What if the vines never grow back? I know it has to be done, but I'm scared.
It was then that I realized that there would be new growth on that old grapevine and more grapes. I also realized that there would be another book and another book after that with heavy editing. The three things I love, Christmas, gardening, and writing would continue and thrive with careful attention, love and pruning.
Pruning is necessary for new growth and a beautiful harvest.
Peace and love,
Ellie
Thursday, February 21, 2013
Your Last Day on the Planet
My friend N kept telling me I was nuts for trying that stunt and after taking a dozen shots, she let go of one belt loop and handed me her camera, saying "Take one for me!" So, I took one for the team :)
If you're looking for majesty and incredible views, visit Great Falls. If you're feeling too big for your britches, the Falls will leave you breathless and amazed. You will feel like a droplet of water, very small compared to the grandeur in front of you. The river and the falls are a treat for the senses, all of them.
Our favorite things to do was to have breakfast at Great Falls the minute the park opened. We'd pack a breakfast of hot coffee, boiled eggs, cheese and a baguette which we enjoyed sitting on a rock overlooking the Falls. My friend would read the Koran and I'd read pages from my daily devotional. To say that the views and sounds of that spot reach your emotional, mental, spiritual and physical places is pure truth.
A favorite photograph of my friend N is one I took of her in our spot reading the Koran. It's not one I will share with you. The memories and that photograph are precious to me because this friend, my best friend of 37 years, had a major stroke eight months ago. At this time, she doesn't speak nor can she walk. We communicate with our eyes and by touch. I tell her stories and remind her of the many road trips and trips we took together over the years. N doesn't respond or reply, but I know she remembers. Her eyes tell me that she's present and listening.
I visited N in the nursing home during my last visit to Virginia. My heart warms and breaks all over again when I see her. After sharing a beautiful weekend with my children and my friend N's only daughter and two grandchildren who miss her so much, I had ten rejection emails in my In Box from agents I'd queried before I left. "C'est la vie", I said to myself as N came to mind. This morning, I had three more rejections. I shrugged and immediately filed them away in a file I've titled "N". What can you do? It's all in a writer's day and I accept it.
I'm alive, healthy and happy, thank God and so are my children. I've spent years writing and editing my novel, A Decent Woman and I've already begun writing my second book, Finding Grace. It's all about the writing and the writing life to me. I'll keep querying agents and filing those rejections because this isn't life and death to me. I love writing books and will continue to write and send out queries. I'll see my book published one way or another...for N.
Putting things back into perspective back in West Virginia. This morning I ponder the hundreds of thousands of wonderful books out there that will never be in print. I think of writers who have just given up and I'm not going to be one of them. I tell myself to hang in there and I'm telling you, too. Keep writing as if today were your last day on this planet.
Peace and love,
Ellie
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