Such Profound Sadness...

I want to share a writing exercise I enjoy when I'm either feeling a bit blocked or feel so scattered that I can't imagine concentrating on my manuscript. Today is that day. In light of the horror, pain and devastation in Moore, Oklahoma, I can only write.

I've selected a photograph that my daughter took while on vacation. At times like these, I am at a loss as to what I should do and I must write out my feelings and emotions. It helps me.

I stare at the photograph until something comes to mind. I love that my daughter thought to have her camera or cell phone with her when she decided to wade in the ocean. My children are wonderful photographers. It's an awesome shot. I notice the rocks and pebbles that are visible on the ocean floor and the beautiful reflection of the sun hitting the surface of the water. I imagine the water is turquoise and the skies were clear. My daughter was happy on that day.

My thoughts soon turn to the ideas of clear and murky. Clarity and darkness. In light of the devastation, horror and unfathomable pain in Moore and Joplin, Oklahoma and other towns in the state, it is a dark day in Moore.The situation in the town feels murky, dark and heavy as I watch the rescue workers fighting to clear debris away, hoping and praying to find more men, women and especially, children alive. Lost pets. Homes and businesses lost. Hundreds of people desperately working through the muck, dangerous, sharp objects, cars, mangled steel and aluminum, searching non-stop for any sign of life or a piece of cherished family memorabilia. It can't be easy to know where to look, but I am deeply touched by people's love, involvement and commitment to the rescue of possible survivors. It's a massive debris field ten feet high and yet, the people of Oklahoma are clear--they will continue in the search and they will rebuild.

Our hearts break for the children and for the parents and family members who don't know where their loved ones are. Heart wrenching to watch grieving parents and family members. Enormous grief. I shed tears of joy as I watched parents reunited with their children with the mountains of debris all around them. Beautiful and so moving.

I pray for strength, courage, and more strength as the people of Oklahoma as they go through the following days, week and months of recovery and rebuilding their town and their lives. I pray for the souls of those lost and especially, for the young children who perished. Sweet angels who sought shelter in the one of the safest places they knew. I am in awe of the teachers and other personnel who sheltered, shielded and cared for the children during this deadly tornado with their bodies and with their lives. All heroes to me.

I will continue to support the residents of Oklahoma with prayers and assistance where I can. I pray that no more tornadoes touch down as hurricane season begins next week across the United States. I wonder when the murky feelings will clear for the good people of Oklahoma. If they ever clear. Such palpable and profound sadness...

Peace and love,
Ellie

Patience, Prayer and Being Proactive in Publishing

So, my horoscope for May says that this is the best month of the year for Virgo which would be me. Apparently, my houses of fame and recognition are highlighted this month, specifically in the fields of writing and publishing. Woot! Well, that is IF you believe in horoscopes, astrology, the planets and stars aligning for our highest good. I'm a middle of the road believer in astrology, but of course, I'm rooting for the planets this month. Yes, to writing recognition and a publishing contract! I'm in!

This morning, a friend posted a quote on Facebook which I can't remember verbatim, but it basically says that good things come to those who wait. Hmmm. I believe in patience and praying. I do. Lord knows, writers need and require tons and tons of patience and prayers. I pray, but I also believe that God gave me a brain. As in, I can't just sit here and wait for something to happen for me--I have to be proactive. For that publishing contract to happen, I have to query, query and keep querying agents.

It's like the joke about the guy who is sitting on the roof of his house in a flood. He's calling to God, pleading for Him to help him escape and survive the flood. A guy in a row boat approaches the house and encourages the man to jump into his boat, but he says, "No, I'm afraid I'll fall into the water and drown! Go on and save yourself! God will save me!" The man in the row boat can't convince the man. He shrugs and rows away.

In a few minutes, a helicopter flies by and spots the man on the roof. The pilot circles back, throws down a ladder and yells for the man to grab a hold and he'll fly him to safety. But, the man yells back that he's frozen in fear and is afraid that he'll grab for the ladder, miss it and be thrown into the flood. The helicopter flies away.

The man calls out to God, again pleading for Him to save him. God answers, "Boy, I've sent you a boat and I've sent you a helicopter, what are you doing to save yourself?! Use your brain, man!"

So, I'm a bit superstitious and IF I get an agent and a publishing contract this month, I will always and forever believe in astrology!! But to be on the safe and sane side, I'll keep praying, working on my novel-length manuscript, A Decent Woman, and I'll keep querying agents :)

Happy Friday to you!

Peace and love,
Ellie

The Muck and the Mire

Sometimes you have to go through the muck and mire to get to a beautiful place.

I bought this 107-year old house (duplex) two years this month on a wing and a prayer. I'd never purchased a home on my own and it was a terrifying experience. If I hadn't had the most amazing, awesome, and encouraging real estate agent in the world on my side, I wouldn't have done it. I know this. Well, with her gentle push, I bought the house and I'm so glad.

My old house is solid and sound and today, everything works! I LOVE old houses, old furniture, old books and it's no surprise to me that I LOVE writing historical fiction.

Yeah, the water pressure isn't great in my old house and I don't have outlets where I'd like them, but all in all, it's a great house for me. Unfortunately, the chimney was closed off, so I don't have a working fireplace, but I have a great mantle. All the floors are Southern Pine and the doors, door knobs, and sash windows are original. I was smitten.

I'm missing sixteen wood shutters that were stolen when the house was in foreclosure years ago and I hate that crappy metal awning, but the house works for me. It's just the right size with three bedrooms and one bathroom. And, room in the utility room for a teeny weeny powder room in the future.

The small yard which runs along the side of the house to a flagstone patio in the back, off the kitchen door is just enough for me to maintain and I can mow the lawn in five minutes. I planted a garden along the front fence which I can see from my dining room window where I write. A special writing place is important to me.

I've decorated the house like I like it with furniture that reminds me of my many postings around the world and my children's photographs surround me. I've had happy times in this house and although my children live in the DC area and I miss them. This is home, our home. They don't visit as often as I'd like them to, but they're allergic to cats and there's Pierre, my cat. So, I visit them.

Life was good before I left for Europe four weeks ago. Then, I received a letter from the city. All the owners on my street (the city planner is making her way to every street in my town) received a letter citing the things we have to do to be in compliance with city ordinance. My letter stated that I had three months to remove the chipping red paint on the red brick...that's my whole house.

I don't know why people paint red brick with red paint. Doesn't make sense to me, but that's what a former owner did. So, as the new owner, it was my problem. I was really upset with this news and tried not to think about it during my vacation, but the idea of a major financial ordeal kept creeping into my mind. I dreaded going home to deal with this.

So, my friend and former owner of the house graciously offered to help me scrape paint off the brick when I returned. We didn't know how we were going to reach the second story and up from there, but we would begin. She and I began scraping paint yesterday morning and after an hour, a man walked by and offered to scrape the paint off my entire house for $130! Thank you, God!! A stranger to me who was looking for quick money. I was a bit hesitant, but after speaking with him and asking him to sign a legal contract that I printed off the laptop, I agreed to the price.

Yesterday was a beautiful sunny day, so he is nearly finished with the largest portion of the house, the side. This morning it's raining, so I doubt I'll see him, but I'm so happy that he walked by when he did, looking for work. The house looks great and I'll deal with the mortar later.

As I looked at this photograph this morning, I had a great idea...I'll have him remove the crappy metal awning! He has to work on the front of the house and that will make it much easier for him and make the front more aesthetically pleasing! The thought makes me so happy! The house is an historic property, BUT the awning isn't original to the house, so I'm good there.

It's said that to move forward to a better place, you have to reach and go through a rough patch. The city is just doing their job and now, I will be able to remove the awning at a great price. In the future, I'll have someone build a wood railing with a Federal style wood awning with two wood pillars. Perfect. That should make the Historical Society or as we jokingly call it, the Hysterical Society, happy :)

My manuscript, A Decent Woman, will have to wait a week for me to get stuck in it again. However, this glitch in my writing routine turned out to be the best thing ever.

I'm happy on this rainy West Virginia morning.

Peace and love,
Ellie

Writing Momentum and My Inner Child

I want to spend the day writing after four weeks of international travel and visiting family and friends in Europe and the DC area, but...I'm feeling scatterbrained. I visited and toured three countries with my best friend and then, a long-time, dear friend died while I was gone. I don't know if I just had too much excitement or what. Maybe I'm just plumb tired and overstimulated! I'm 55. I guess I'm allowed a bit of tired after a wonderful vacation that continued into the following week with visiting with friends and family in the US.

I arrived in the US and stayed with another friend for two days before heading home for two days. Then, I got on another train and headed back to the DC area for my nephew's graduation and Mother's Day. On Monday, I stayed with my friend's daughter and we grieved the loss of her mother and my dear friend. A lot of emotion and activity for one lady.

I truly don't know what day it is and when I woke up, for a split second I didn't know where I was. If it's Tuesday, this must be Belgium! Wasn't that a movie from the 70's? Must look that up...and look at my phone so that I can find out what day it is because I honestly have no clue.

Anyway, I LOVED visiting my friends and enjoyed a beautiful Mother's Day with my children. I wouldn't trade those special moments and new memories for anything, but, it sure was nice to sleep in my own bed last night. I had a great night's sleep and so did my furry babies. We had a very nice reunion last night. Ozzy the Pug is at my feet, snoring softly and Pierre the Maine Coon kitten looks like a sphinx, lying on the window sill, watching cars go by. The kitten's tail is swishing from side to side and Ozzy's rhythmic breathing is kinda making me sleepy. Am I still jet lagged?

It's early on a cloudy morning and the weather people are calling for rain, two days of rain which is perfect writing weather. I have a bad feeling that I won't be able to write today, though. I feel pulled in too many directions this morning. I don't feel grounded. Actually, I feel a bit jittery. Have I already had too much tea? Is the Universe conspiring against me writing today? 

I had a mental to-do list going on the train home last night. I just hate that. I want to get stuck in my manuscript and I want the world to slow down. I resent having to clean my house, pay bills, do laundry and I'm feeling my Inner Child come out! I want to be alone with my characters and my story. I want to get reacquainted and I want to work on the issues the agent in NYC suggested I work on. I want to write! I'm feeling a mid-life tantrum coming on. "I'm not doing that because I don't wanna!"

I must return to saying, "No, thank you," to invitations during my work week and this weekend will be spent at home alone. I've just decided. I've seen most of my good friends during the last four weeks and it was wonderful. Time to get to writing and spending some quality alone time with me, myself and I...and with my furry babies who need their yearly shots, nails clipped and Ozzy could do with a bath. Crap...even the animals are pulling me away from my manuscript. I miss my friend in Austria dearly

Just before I departed for Austria in late April, I was gaining ground with my manuscript, A Decent Woman and had a daily writing schedule that I was very happy with. On Mondays, I cleaned my house (lightly cleaned, let's not lose our heads here, I don't love housework) and I did the laundry. I paid bills and wrote replies to emails. I also cut my grass and weeded the garden a bit. After all that was done, I had Tuesday-Sunday to write and blog. I was one happy camper, but don't get me wrong--my European vacation was awesome!! I wouldn't trade that experience with my friend for nothing! We had a super time together and we have new memories that will never be forgotten.

I've arrived home mid-week and I'm feeling discombobulated. Time for a list! A list will help ground me and I'm a great list maker. That's what I need to do--make a list to regain my momentum at home and with my novel. I'm behind on bills and my house needs scraping and repainting...which began today. I'm tired just thinking of all that.

Hey. I just thought of something. I'm a fiction writer...if I want today to be Monday, it shall be so. If I choose tomorrow to be my To-Do List Fictional Monday, no one will be able to convince me otherwise! My Inner Child is alive and well. 

Time to check the phone to see what day it is and to look at the 1,000 plus photographs I took in Austria, Hungary and Romania :)

Peace and love,
Ellie

Planes, Trains, Metro and Automobiles

No, I'm not dreaming of a white Christmas nor is it anywhere near December. My sister posted this photograph of us on her Facebook page and I nabbed it. As with old family albums and lack of know-how, my sister and I share the albums which means she has many photographs that I don't have and vice versa. I don't have a scanner at the moment and would love to purchase one so that we each have a complete family album.

Photographs. Many people complain about Facebook and many have decided to jump ship through the years for various reasons, but I have to say that enjoy it. Many days, I have to force myself NOT to check FB. It can get addicting. I have friends in many corners of the world and this is how I keep in touch with them. I keep up with my kid's and family's news, chronicled with photographs. If I lose my camera or my iPhone, well my photos are relatively safe on FB. If I drop my laptop and shatter my hard drive (which I've done) and lost it all, my photos are safe on FB.

Social media. Author platform. Many have a love-hate relationship with social media and authors...well, get used to it. It's now part of the author/publishing/marketing experience. There's no escaping Facebook, Twitter, writing a blog, reviewing other authors, and writing essays in magazines and ezines, it is what it is. Much as I dislike tooting my own horn ad nauseum (that's what it seems like to me), I know that I have to keep up-to-date and active on these accounts. I must put myself  'out there' for my novel's sake and for the sake of adding numbers to sales once I'm published. Yes, I'm taking the positive route here.

On being published. Well, that seems a long way off on this chilly Spring morning in Northern Virginia. I spent three wonderful weeks in Europe with my friend and her family, flew back to the US a week ago and four of those days were spent in Northern Virginia with my super kids, family and friends for my nephew's graduation, a cemetery visit with my friend N and for Mother's Day which was amazing! Tonight I head to my friend's N's daughter's house. I haven't seen her since her Mom passed away. Should be an emotional evening and I'm happy to be with her and her children for one night. Then, I head home tomorrow afternoon.

NO complaints. But...I'm ready to get home. I want to fully unpack, wash my clothes and wake up in my own bed, make coffee in my coffee press, fire up my laptop, kiss my furry children, check and enjoy my garden, and return to my normal routine. I'm excited for my writing routine to commence as well after nearly four weeks away from my novel-length manuscript, A Decent Woman. It's time to put the pedal to the metal as they say. I have some work ahead of me before I can resubmit my manuscript to the NY agent.

Precious moments. Although I'm a bit weary, I wouldn't change a thing about the experiences I've had this past April and May. I never dreamed I'd return to Europe. I ran for domestic and international flights, found the Viennese house I shared with my ex-husband and two beautiful children 25 years ago, I walked through Austrian vineyards, up cobblestone streets and snuck under a fence to reach a heuriger for a icy cold Radler beer with my friend K. I marveled at Gothic and Baroque architecture in Vienna, onion-topped Orthodox churches in Romania and was introduced to Gyor, a Hungarian city I'd never been to. I rode an elevator up to the top floor of Stephansdom to view the frescoes, visited nearly every church and palace in Vienna, and witnessed an awesome lunar eclipse as the full moon rose over the Carpathian Mountains as my friend K and I approached Brasov, Romania. I shared my nephew's happy graduation and had the most beautiful Mother's Day with my children. I visited with my departed friend N at her grave site. I will miss her.

Tomorrow afternoon, I'll be on the train home.

All blessings, every single one. Special memories.

Peace and love,
Ellie

Finally, Home Sweet Home.

Boy, am I happy to be on land and to sleep in my own bed! I departed Vienna, Austria on Monday at 7:40 am, headed to London where I had a six hour lay-over. I had tried to reroute my trip through Brussels, Belgium instead of London to have time with in-country friends, but the cost to change that leg of my trip was outrageous. Just not possible or feasible for me at this time and I knew I could keep myself busy at Heathrow Airport with my Kindle and with people watching.

However, six hours are six hours and they dragged on and finally, I headed to JFK Airport, the longest leg of the trip. I actually dreaded that flight as I don't usually find sleep when I'm flying, it has always eluded me. But, I'm happy to say that as the passengers got settled in their assigned seats, I had two empty seats, one on either side of me! That has never happened! The guy across from me had four empty seats in his row and I could tell we were both dreaming of stretching out. I might be able to sleep, I thought!

The guy and I eyed the stragglers who entered the plane minutes before take-off and I was praying that they wouldn't be sitting next to me. At that moment, more than any other time, I wanted that door to close! Close, dammit! Ha ha~! Passengers around me eyed empty seats, wondering how fast they could stand up and claim a seat or two once the doors closed and the pilot asked the flight attendants to take their seats. When we heard the doors close, the guy and I exchanged high five's like we'd just made a slam dunk! Yes! Sleep was possible! He immediately stretched out across the five seats and I gathered the three blankets and pillows, ready for a movie on my choice of three screens! Life is good!

I watched one movie and actually fell asleep during the second film, only to be woken by the flight attendant asking me if I wanted a beverage. Nooooo! I sat up, politely asked for a Bloody Mary, heavy on the vodka, hoping it would lull me back to sleep. Nothing doing. I rewinded the movie (isn't that an awesome feature?!) and watched until the end and then, dinner was served.  And, what a wonderful dinner it was--curried chicken on basmati rice. I was able to catch a few winks and before I knew it, we were landing in JFK. I took the red eye to Washington, DC and boy, were my eyes red!!

British Airways, I love you.

All in all, I had a wonderful time with my friend K in Austria, Romania and Hungary. I miss her already. I had a great flight back to the DC area where my friend D and her boyfriend picked me up at the airport. I spent two relaxing days with them, spoke to my gorgeous children and caught up with the daughter of my oldest and dearest friend N who passed away while I was gone. I missed her by a day and also missed her Muslim funeral on Monday as I was flying home. She will be sorely missed.

My friend N never regained her speech nor mobility after her stroke. I believe I grieved for her during the year she spent in the nursing home or it just hasn't hit me yet. I miss our morning phone calls and I'm reminded of the many trips we took together in my 20's onto my 50's. A long friendship that I will always treasure.

N kept a photo album of all our trips and I asked her daughter if I could possibly have that album. N always managed to get the best photos of our trips and it will give me a lot of comfort. Her daughter graciously said yes and for that I am very thankful.

Rest in eternal peace, N. You will never be forgotten.

Peace and love,
Ellie

European Update & Cutting Characters from My Novel

My friend K and I are back at her home in Wien (Vienna) for the weekend before my flight back to the US on Monday after spending a few days in Hungary on our way to and from Romania. I can't remember when I've enjoyed a trip more!

We stayed in Gyor, another Hungarian city I was unfamiliar with and would visit again. What a lovely little jewel of a city! K and I didn't have time to take a proper tour, but walking through the town square and down little streets is usually all I need to get a good sense of a town, village or city. We sat in the town square sipping Radler beers, eating amazing goulash soup with crisp frites and people watching while the sun set behind the main church on the square. Amazing.

K and I had both been to Budapest, Sopron and the Lake Balaton region, so we headed home early to have more time in Vienna. I still wanted to visit the house my ex-husband, children and I lived in 25 years ago. I also have several churches and the Belvedere Museum I would love to go through and enjoy before my departure on Monday morning.

                                                          . . . .

So, yesterday was May 1, also called May Day in Europe and Labour Day in England. K and I decided to head back to my old stomping ground of the 19th district in Vienna. We bought two gorgeous lilac bouquets along the way and found my old street address on her map. Nothing looked familiar as we approached my old street, but when we turned the corner and looked up the steep, cobblestone street, I remembered...memories of pushing the English pram that held my three year old and one year old came back to me. Some things you never forget. My body remembered the strain and I remembered how difficult it was for me, a young mother with no German language, living in Vienna at the time. Vienna was our first overseas posting as a young married couple and the first time I lived in Europe as an adult, not an Army dependent. My children are now 28 and 24 years old and I am happy to have photographs to share with them.

As I write this blog post, my long-time friend is still in hospice in Northern Virginia. Her daughter and family have decided to take her off antibiotics that aren't helping with a severe infection that is coursing through her body and the last thing I heard was that the family had also decided to take her off the feeding tube...all very emotionally charged and strained. I don't know if everyone in the family is in agreement with this decision. I will only support their decision and my very private opinion will remain that...private. I've asked the necessary questions (to me) and I'm leaving that to the family and God.

I also received a very kind note from the agent who had the exclusive read on my manuscript, A Decent Woman. His recommendation to take out the chapters of Serafina, the second most important protagonist in my novel, is spot on. I've often thought that my two female protagonists were vying for first place. Years ago, I wondered if the story would be better served by focusing solely on Ana and have Serafina be a minor character. I will do just that. I highly concur with him. It is Ana's story to tell. The narrative momentum must remain strong.

I've decided to save the original manuscript and make a copy where I remove Serafina's chapters and rewrite, rewrite, rewrite. Last night, I emailed the agent to ask whether he would accept a second look at my manuscript once I make the necessary changes and beef up Ana's story. He said yes last night. I was thrilled.

This morning, I have renewed faith and again, have hope that I'm on the right track with this book and this agent. He has seen something in my story worth pursuing...or he's been super polite. Regardless, I am highly encouraged by the agent's quick responses to my emails this week and his "yes" in answer to my question about resubmitting.

Early next week when I depart Vienna and arrive in the US, I begin the rewrites after I am reunited with my precious children and visit the hospice on my way home to my furry babies in WV. 

My lifelong friend's battle with life is precarious at this time and I am again reminded of how precious life is. This trip has reminded me of how beautiful life and the world is. I'm very thankful to my friend K and her family for the kind and gracious invitation to spend three weeks with them. She gave me a beautiful gift.

Peace and love,

Ellie