The Secret to a Successful Writing Career...REALLY??

At this very moment, a good friend and former co-worker is in labor with her first child. I'm very excited for her and her husband and found myself waking up like a nervous Auntie every two or three hours to check my cell phone for updates. I texted my friend about 40 minutes ago, thinking that maybe the baby had been born since her labor began early last night. She texted back that her contractions were every two minutes. I was AMAZED that she texted me back, I thought I would surely hear from her husband and not her! She must have amazing drugs or an incredibly high tolerance to pain or as they called it in my birthing class way back when--discomfort. Yeah, right. Discomfort :) I'm praying for my friend and her baby. What a beautiful time for them.

Several of my younger friends have had babies this year and all returned to their jobs within a few months of giving birth and in one friend's case, after she gave birth to twins. They all seem to have supportive husbands with their own jobs and super daycare situations which you would expect in the DC area. A couple of friends have relatives living nearby for extra help which is great.

This morning I read an article in The Guardian by Alison Flood about author/mother Zadie Smith's criticism of author Lauren Sandler's (single child, mother of one) suggestion "that women should restrict the size of their families if they want to avoid limiting their careers." The suggestion that limiting the children was the secret to success initially raised my eyebrows and annoyed me. But, as I continued to read, I began to vacilate between agreeing with a small point of the suggestion and shaking my head in disagreement at Sandler's suggestion. There are so many sides to this issue.

I began writing my first novel in 2006 when my children were in high school. It wasn't a choice, mind you. I had been an at-home Mom in a traditional marriage (as was my parent's marriage) where my husband worked outside the home and I took care of the house and the children. I was blessed to be able to stay home, I always said that. I was a working artist and a late blooming writer who didn't get the 'writing a whole novel' bug until my kids were in high school. My then-husband drove the kids to school in the morning and I remember thinking that I had eight wonderful free hours to write as both kids played sports after school. My husband didn't get home until 7, so my creative life was productive and seemless. When my kids and husband walked through the door, I closed the laptop and put down the paintbrushes.

At that time, I had a married author friend who had two elementary school children. She managed to write and publish two books, so I knew it could be done. We were both at-home Moms and many times we agreed that it was easier to focus on writing while working at home. I used to say that having children gave me three things I personally lacked--organization, discipline and focus. I knew I had limited time and energy so, I made good use of my time in those days. My husband's income allowed me to write and not worry about the bills. Fact.

Today I'm divorced and support myself.  I write full time. My children have graduated from college and have successful careers. I retired myself from a short career in the social services arena and have free time every day. And, you know what? With a lack of structure and schedule, and no real demands on my time--I find my creative organization, discipline and focus lacking some days! My friends with careers and children at home do more than anyone I know and accomplish great things and, good for them! As a 55 year old, I can no longer run around like I did in my 30's and 40's. Their schedules make me tired, but I applaud them.

I don't think the question should be how many children could possibly interfere and mess up a writing career. I believe it's who we select as the father of our children that's important (since we're talking about women in this blog), if they want children. My girlfriends with children seem to have husbands who support their careers for the long haul. Their husbands seem to be on board with taking turns with household chores, running the kids around and taking them to doctor appointments. As long as the children are well taken care of, it doesn't matter to me who does it as long as it's done and done well. Whatever floats your boat.

What I know--the keys to a successful career are discipline, organization, focus, drive, creativity, money, a supportive spouse (if they're married), family nearby, or excellent daycare (if they have children). There's no one answer here. So why add children to the issue? Children aren't the issue and the number of children isn't the issue.

I can't count the way in which my children enriched my life as newborns, toddlers, grade school children, tweens, high schoolers, college-aged kids and now, as adults!

Did remaining childless make Emily Bronte a superior writer? Were all of Hemingway's children taken care of by a nanny or his ex-wives? Was that why he was such an amazing, prolific writer? Who knows. I believe every situation was/is different and you'll find every possible scenario with any author, male or female. There are plenty of single Dads out there writing and publishing fantastic books with young children at home and women with three or four children pumping out highly acclaimed books. There are single or married writers, men and women, with no children who with all the time in the world, can't seem to finish a book.

After I read the article, I read all the comments (which are sometimes more interesting than the blog post they follow) out of curiosity. Well, weren't my panties in a damn twist by this comment made by a reader I'm assuming is a man:

"On the other hand there is the argument that the quality of women's writing never quite matches that of men, regardless of how many children are involved."

This guy gave me a major wedgie that I'm still having trouble with! Who says that?!

I know that I'll return to that article all day long to check out the comments to this little nugget and this genius' rebuttals.

Ellie

My Summer 2013 Reading List

I'm a list maker and trust me, I need lists in my life. As a writer, I'm in my head a lot and when I start writing, I lose track of time. When writing, I go into a deep creative state that some people compare to hypnosis and others call the Beta state. When I really get going, I've been known to write for eight or nine hour stretches with only potty and tea breaks in between. My adult children are out of my nest and I'm single, so I'm able to write to my heart's content. I truly believe that the process of writing allows us to access things and places in our brain (and outside our brain) that aren't easily accessible in our normal waking state.

During a good writing session, I've been known to miss birthdays, hair appointments and utility bill deadlines. My cell phone is turned to the lowest sound setting, the curtains are closed and I hang a little sign on my front door that reads, "Writing" with a big smiley face on it. I might forget to call someone back or reply to an email during those writing jags. I tend to forget food items I'm out of at home which, of course, I remember as I stand there with a kettle of hot water and realize that I'm out of coffee. I'm a woman who needs lists in her life!

My family and close friends know all this about me (or at least, they humor me), and they're good with it. Weekends and Mondays are my days to reconnect with the special people in my life. I DO have a day job, I tell people--I take my writing seriously.

I write daily lists, weekly lists and I also make lists that help me as a writer. There are lists of agents to query, small press publishers who I want to research, and there is a list of authors whose books I want to read that also includes their author and blog Web address and the name of their agent. This week, I began thinking about whittling down my reading list to a doable summer reading list. My reading list includes books I've read years ago and want to revisit, all the books below are in my bookcase and on my Kindle.

Summer Reading List: (in no particular order)

Fiction:

The Breakers - Claudie Gallay
Hemingway's Girl - Erika Robuck
Calling Me Home - Julie Kibler
Our Lady of the Night - Mayra Santos-Febres
The Glass Wives - Amy Sue Nathan
The God of Small Things - Arundhati Roy (read before)
Hullabaloo in the Guava Orchard - Kiran Desai (read before)
The Ladies Gallery - Irene Vilar
The Painted Girls: A Novel - Cathy Marie Buchanan
Wait For Me - Elisabeth Naughton
The Doctor's Wife - Luis Jaramillo
The Age of Miracles: A Novel - Karen Thompson Walker
The Great Gatsby - F. Scott Fitzgerald (may not get to this summer, but will watch the newest movie adaptation)
Receive Me Falling - Erika Robuck
The Inheritance of Loss - Kiran Desai
The Paris Wife: A Novel - Paula McIain (currently reading...and can't seem to get through by no fault of the author. I think I've picked the book up and put it down because I already know the ending--Hemingway cheated on his first wife and later said that she was his first and only true love...yeah, yeah, yeah. That clearly bugs me :)

and, I've decided to purchase the series A Song of Fire and Ice that inspired the high fantasy HBO series, Game of Thrones, by George R. R. Martin. I LOVE Game of Thrones!

Non-fiction: (on my friend Kristine's recommendation)

A Little History of the World - E. H. Gombrich and Clifford Harper.
The Story of Art - E. H. Gombrich (Huge book that will take me a LONG time to get through, but it's a feast for the eyes and soul! Do not purchase this for your Kindle!)

Have a beautiful day :)

Peace and love,
Ellie

The Village Approach

Good morning! 

The temperature outside already feels like the high 80's and the air conditioner is working hard. I feel an inside day is called for and I have plenty of work to do. The grass could use some cutting and I could weed the garden, but I'm ignoring my garden today. I have to get cracking!

List of things to do today:

Whittle my nine page synopsis to six or seven pages. This is no easy feat for a talker and a writer! Send said synopsis to an author friend for her advice and comments when I'm done.

Call an old friend to help me create my website. We've reconnected on Facebook after 17 years and lo and behold, she's a web master!

Review my query letter and send it out to small presses and agents, specifically to one agent who an author friend has highly recommended.

Sometimes it takes a village, folks! I'm so very thankful for my friends and their support, encouragement and love.

This is plenty for today, don't you think?

I have renewed faith, confidence and excitement this morning. Sometimes, you also need an old fashioned mini rant to get the blood pumping :)

Have a super weekend, everyone. Stay cool!

Peace and love,
Ellie

She Stood in the Storm...

She stood in the storm, and when the wind did not blow her way,

she adjusted her sail.

-Elizabeth Edwards

I remembered this quote after I wrote yesterday's blog post. I'd reread my words and realized that it was time to adjust my sail. I was already tired of feeling like the kid standing in front of a carousel, wanting to get on, but who can only watch the painted horses go round and round. I'd symbolically licked my index finger and put it up, searching for a breeze and yesterday, I didn't find a breeze. I don't do whiny and victim well, so writing out my feelings really helped me.

I decided that I would adjust my sail and find that damn breeze because I know it's out there. There's plenty of breeze to go around, I just have to find it and keep adjusting accordingly.

When I began my first novel, I was the kid who sits on a large piece of cardboard, giddy and eager to go down the snowy hill that glistens in front of her. The anticipation and adrenaline of seeing my novel published and read by family, friends and strangers really kept me going. I didn't know diddly squat about the publishing business, but I had high hope that my story was fresh and unique enough for publication and representation. The momentum was great.

But sometimes, we hit a patch of ice that derails us or we hit a patch where the snow has melted and the grass is growing, forcing our piece of cardboard to come to a dead halt. We keep scooting forward, hoping to find that momentum again and sometimes, we just don't find it. I'm not sure if my piece of cardboard came to a dead stop yesterday OR maybe I stopped it. Yesterday, I was frustrated and overwhelmed. I got tired of the false starts,  rejection and seemingly, dead ends with my novel.

In 2006, I went through a marital separation, a trans-Atlantic move with my kids back to the US, and I divorced. I'd turned 50 and worked full-time while going back to school part-time. I'm no quitter. I've come through adversity and challenges with flying colors (to me) and I don't shy away from the road less traveled. I finish what I start.

This sounds like a pep talk, doesn't it? Well, sometimes you have to talk yourself into believing that you can do it. Fake it until you make it, they say. But, I'm not faking it--I'm doing it. I do, however, have to remind myself that I'm tough, tenacious, and that I've accomplished great things in my life. I've lived an interesting life here and abroad and I still have visions of adventures, living overseas, traveling, sharing in my kid's happy moments, and of holding my future grandchildren. There's a lot left to experience and I'm excited for the future with my children and my future as a writer and published novelist.

The writer's life isn't an easy road to navigate and the publishing world is even tougher. It's a lonely life at times, but I love it. I moved to WV to be able to write full-time and I've done just that. I received lovely comments and emails after I posted yesterday's blog post and I say THANK YOU. Two friends, both published authors, came forward to give me encouragement, support and virtual hugs. I needed them!

I went out with a good friend last night who has come through difficulties and adversity in her personal and professional life. She called out of the blue and didn't take no for an answer when she suggested we go out. I tried to beg off, saying my hair didn't look great and that my jeans were dirty (true), but she ignored me. "Be ready in 10 minutes, I've already left the house," she said.  Okay, then! In that situation, I faked it until I made it. I really didn't want to go out.

During our catching up, I realized that my friend had needed the night out as much as I had. We kept thanking each other for the fun evening and vowed not to allow ourselves to get bogged down with the small stuff. And, that we have to get out every now and then!

This morning, I realized that I'd brought down my sail yesterday. I'd folded it carefully and put it away. Self-preservation? Perhaps it was. But, I've decided to unfold and raise that sail again today. I'm adjusting my sails toward small presses for my novel. I'm pleased that many big name agents have asked to see sample chapters of my novel. That shows me that I'm on the right path. I just have to keep adjusting my sails until I hit my stride by rewriting and making my novel the best it can be.

Good luck to all the writers out there! Hang in there, I know it's tough and you're not alone. Praying for smooth seas and lots of wind for us! I have renewed faith today. It's fragile, but it's there.

Thanks again to the writers who came forward yesterday, fanning my sails for me when I just couldn't catch a damn breeze :)

Peace and love to you,
Ellie

Yes, Patsy. I Must Be Crazy.

I'm tired. It's not even 9 o'clock in the morning and I already feel the need for a nap. My body isn't tired, but my mind is saturated with information gleaned from reading too many blog posts by agents, writers, and authors. I can't take anymore in.

This morning, I feel like the little mouse in the book, "Who Moved My Cheese?" My gut tells me that it's time to jump onto the self-publishing wagon, but my brain is telling me, "Wait. Just be patient. Do the work and then, think about all that." But then again, if I self-publish now, I could add that I have a published book in future query letters when I finished my second novel which is going quite well.

Is it time to move forward with an ebook or hang back, watching from the sidelines??? 
Am I going to miss the boat altogether by sticking to my novel and initial plan?
Do I have time to wait several more months to requery (is that a word?) and wait, wait and wait some more? 
What to do?

I'm tired. My brain is tired and I need another cup of tea. I'm not tired of my novel, not by a long shot, but I AM tired of thinking about querying agents, researching Amazon's Kindle Direct Publishing and tired of thinking and reading about the publishing world as a whole. My mind just can't take in any more information! Done. I need someone to help me navigate this world of self-publishing. Yes, I do!

HOW can one writer do it all? How can a writer with a limited income (like me) hire a publicist, another editor and a company to help navigate the self-publishing world? I can't and according to the experts in those fields, I need one of each BEFORE my manuscript is online. Sheesh.

I just want to write. That's it. I want to write interesting, thought-provoking and fabulous novels, one after another, and have readers love my work. Is that nuts?

Why do I write? I write because I'm compelled to and can't seem to stop. I also write because I want readers to perhaps learn something, live in the world I create, and love the characters I love. Is that too much to ask? I love writing.

I miss simpler days when a writer wrote a novel and got published. Maybe it wasn't that easy, but if you managed to write and sell a novel, the publishing houses did it all for them. The author was simply charged with writing and handing in a manuscript that had been well edited. Not today. Okay, I'm whining now.

It's one crazy world, the world of the writer. I feel like a kid standing in front of a spinning carousel, waiting for a break in the momentum to hop on and enjoy the ride that I know will be awesome. I just need one agent. One agent who believes in me and my books.

Could someone slow down the world, please? I feel that if I don't hop onto the damn self-publishing carousel soon, it will all change by the time I'm ready! I worry that it won't be free, it will no longer be easy to self-publish, and everyone will be on the carousel but me. If I wait any longer, I might not have a spot and I won't get the carousel horse of my choice.

I don't know any more, but I'm glad I can write this out and sorry you have to witness this whiny blog post. Sigh, off to write now.

Is that Patsy Cline I hear singing? I hear the song "Crazy" playing somewhere on my street. Yes Patsy, I must be crazy to write, but I love it.

Peace and love,
Ellie

Why We Write What We Write

Last month, a girlfriend dropped off a book for me to read during my travels--Don't Pee on My Leg and Tell Me It's Raining by Judy Sheindlin as in Judge Judy Sheindlin. Fantastic title for her book of nonfiction! I'm not a huge Judge Judy fan, but when I've caught her show, I've laughed at her astute observations and raised an eyebrow at her sharp tongue that often spews out acidic comments at the people who walk into her court room. Can we say reality check? It's tough to get one over on Judge Judy, the epitome of reality, rules, and laws. I think Judge Judy is awesome and the book is on my stack of books to read this summer.

Can we imagine Judge Judy writing a romance novel or a YA novel? Hard to imagine, right? Well, Judy Sheindlin is a mother of five. If anyone knows the heart and mind of a child, teenager and young adult, it would be her. In her acknowledgment page she writes, "My husband, Jerry, is the excitement in my life and my friend. I love him so much, I married him twice." That's romantic, right? Beautiful. Don't judge a book by its cover...

Do you worry that you write in too many genres and won't be taken seriously in any genre because you're scattered here and there? There are many facets to each of us and it's no surprise to me that authors write in many genres. Some writers and authors KNOW where they belong and are headed; they remain in one specific genre all their writing life. Good for them! Some kids know they'll be a dentist or a lawyer when they grow up and voila, it comes to pass. Some kids like me, however, were/are creative. I didn't like being in a box, being labeled or being put into a box. I still don't. It takes all kinds...

I've written an historical novel, A Decent Woman, that deals with women's issues in 1900 Puerto Rico mixed with murder, Santeria, spiritism, death and lies. My second novel, Finding Gracia, which I'm writing now, falls into the historical genre, as well. The second book is a coming of age, love story mixed with history, mystery, mysticism and a little of the paranormal. I have a murder mystery series in mind and I've dipped my toes in YA fiction. I also write poetry, lots of poetry with symbolism, fantasy and the metaphysical. That's a lot of genres, right? Sometimes, it's difficult to stick to ONE genre as we write and I would venture to say that most authors and writers have dabbled in other genres or write with a nom de plume.

However, there is one common denominator in my books and ideas that you may have picked up on - the mystery of the unknown and the metaphysical. Why? I'll tell you why.

Like Judge Judy must be described, I've been described by friends and family as a realist. A no-nonsense woman who asks the hard questions. If you ask me a question and want the truth, ask me, I'll tell you what I think. If you don't want to truth, I won't bring it up. I've worked as a counselor, a refugee case worker, a residential treatment center staff member for kids 13-21, and up until two years ago, I worked as a bilingual family support worker in the DC area. My main resume might tell you that I'm an advocate for children and women, that I'm socially conscious, liberal, compassionate, empathic, and that I must be tough and thick-skinned. You'd be right, but never as tough as Judge Judy!

The other sides to me are my spiritual, religious, and mystical sides. My other resume shows that I've worked in the piscines, the baths of the Sanctuary of Notre Dame de Lourdes in Lourdes, France for over 13 years. I've led pilgrimages to the Sanctuaire and it is my favorite place in the world. I'm also a Reiki Master/practitioner, trained in Belgium and in the UK. Surprised? I joke that my realism comes from my New England roots and my spiritual and mystical side comes from my Puerto Rican roots. True enough and my family is Catholic on both sides. Plenty of mysticism in the Catholic Church and in Puerto Rico.

I had a Reiki practice in Belgium and today, I work on family and friends when I'm asked. Next week, I'm interviewing for a freelance job as a Reiki practitioner for a hair salon/spa in my area. Last year, I wrote a blog called Practical Spirituality 365 where I wrote a blog a day about spiritual and religious issues. So you see, it's not far-fetched for me to write with these themes in mind, they resonate with me. I've lived them.

My life experiences prepared me to write the books I write. As I look back, my life experiences were my education, my tuition. The 'good' and 'bad' experiences have made me who I am today and they've made me the writer I am. No one can tell my story but me.

My advice to you? Just write. Write what you know and are passionate about. Don't get bogged down with genres and worrying about which 'box' you fit in as you write. Just get the words down and worry about that later!

Peace and love,
Ellie

Thoughts on Divas and Egos

There's nothing like a good ol' winter cold to zap your energy and turn you into a whiny, nostalgic hermit. Actually, I don't need a winter cold for the hermit in winter part, it's too cold to venture out for too long this week. I'm talking frigid, kill everything in its path cold. I have three layers on, the heat is on and I'm still cold.

I get nostalgic when I'm sick which is probably why I wrote yesterday's blog post. I always miss my mom and grandmother and much more when I'm sick. I remember their arsenal of home remedies that worked along with many warm hugs and kisses. There's nothing like Mommy Love and Vicks Vapo Rub - my mother's cure all!

I believe nostalgia found its way into my heart yesterday because I'd also been working on a chapter in my novel, A Decent Woman, where my protagonist, Ana cares for her best friend Isabel who is dying from tuberculosis. Women taking care of other women and in the process, healing themselves. When women help other women, they are never more beautiful in my eyes.

Before I entered the writing life and world, I was (and still am) a working artist. I'm a multi-media artist/photographer who has painted and exhibited for over 25 years in the US and in Europe. I wasn't a newbie to interacting with creative people when I wrote my first novel, A Decent Woman. At the time, most of my close friends were artists, poets, photographers and dancers, and one self-published author who was very kind and generous with me as I wrote my novel.

The art world, much like the publishing world, is a tough, unforgiving and complicated business.  Art societies, guilds and groups can be rife with big egos, petty arguments and jealousy. I've seen it first-hand - artists and divas who complained when they weren't given the best wall for an exhibition, the best lighting was on another artist's pieces, artists who made catty comments about whose name was ahead of whose in the programs, and snide comparisons about their fellow artists. I helped organized several exhibits and I think my gray hairs came in right about that time. Any time you have big Egos involved, there are bound to be issues and conflict. A little Ego is healthy, but there's a delicate balance. Too much Ego can go toxic.

For years, I was on the board of our local art group and I was able to escape scrutiny (I think!) and didn't participate in the pettiness, there was enough around me. Consequently, the diva's pieces were highlighted because they made the loudest noise. The divas, male and female, were tough to work with at times and I eventually left the board position to give painting classes and facilitate creativity workshops to help others find their passions in life. Yes, it took me away from painting and photography, I'd say. What's two days a month in the scheme of life? Being a mentor and helping others helped me.

I hate to admit it, but it's true - when I entered the writing world, I had the preconceived notion that writers would be as closed, jealous and petty as some of the artists I'd encountered in my past. I was the little girl looking through the fence into the playground where the bigger kids played and ran around. I remained a writer/observer for a long time.

I observed for five years by blogging semi-anonymously (that's another story!) on another site before I began this blog about the writing life, my life and my novel. I read other authors, read their blogs and studied their websites, Facebook and Twitter pages. As with art, I found self-promotion off-putting and uncomfortable, but it had to be done. I wondered if I would have to scream the loudest to be published? I joined groups, writing critique groups, subscribed to author's blogs, joined a foundling group of writers who write women's fiction and joined Goodreads. I love reading reviews by women authors about other women author's books and enjoy catching up with blog tours when I see them advertised.

In the process of watching from the sidelines as a newbie, I discovered a beautiful thing -

Women WERE helping other women. Women ARE helping other women in the writing world.

I've made friends with debut and established women writers, marketers, editors and have had the occasional agent take the time to write me a personal note. That speaks volumes to me, we're all busy. But, the main 'thing' is to write, right? Again, it's a delicate balance and I believe I've found a nice balance. I blog first thing in the morning, followed by reading and making comments on other writer's blog posts. I check my emails and two Facebook pages, write a few lines for Twitter and then, it's full on writing for the rest of the day. It works for me.

It warmed my heart to learn I was mistaken about writers and I'm happy to be a part of the writing world. As for my painting, two years ago I joined an artist's cooperative group in West Virginia and so far, the Egos are in check...so far :)

Peace and love,
Ellie