You Bet Your Sweet Ass I Am!

This morning, I wrote my "Conversation with God" blog post and when I reread it, I decided to delete it. You, my beautiful reader, were invited to insert God, Allah, the Universe, or Mother Earth, anything that resonates with you, into the blank space...or not.

I found the writing very cathartic and I meant to share the blog post with you, but I was afraid I would come across as whiny and ungrateful. I am not that person, however, it felt great to vent and question God and the Universe as to why my dream has yet to manifest itself when to the best of my knowledge, I'm doing all I can to see my novel, A Decent Woman, published.

My blog was a blog that many writers and authors could relate to--the frustrations of the world of publishing in 2013. 

From the many blogs I read every day written by writers, authors, agents, editors, and publishers, I've come away with:

Most editors, agents and publishers feel badly about publishing today and wish they could help more writers become published authors.

The business is what it has morphed into--a fast-paced, ever-changing and Internet- complicated business.

Historical fiction novels are difficult to sell (which surprises me as that's what I love to read!)

More than ever before, the writer is responsible for building a platform, branding, marketing and more marketing.

Most major publishing houses still frown upon self-published books.

Some agents will not represent you if you are not already a published author, but...if you self-publish, this doesn't seem to count for much. Self-publishing seems to be viewed as the poor relation to its traditional publishing sibling.

It seems that writers are damned if they do and damned if they don't. Very frustrating. So, since I like to see the big picture in most situations in my life, I've decided to take a good look at self-publishing. I'm going to research this avenue because I feel it's a smart move and a timely decision. I'm not getting any younger at 56 and I have all my brain cells at this moment in time...okay, most of my brain cells.

So, this afternoon, I opened myself up to the Universe's wisdom and listened for answers. I deleted my blog and then, sat on my yoga pillow and just sat.and.sat.and.sat.

I'm toying with the idea of incorporating my second novel, Finding Gracia into my first novel, A Decent Woman. My novel will remain an historical fiction novel set in the early 1900s in Ponce, Puerto Rico with the characters Ana and Serafina and alternate chapters will be written in the present. The present day protagonist will be Serafina's granddaughter, Gracia, who has traveled to Puerto Rico for the reading of her grandmother's will after her divorce in the United States.

Gracia discovers that she is the sole heir to her grandparent's coffee farm in the mountains of Puerto Rico and after moving to the farm, she finds her grandmother Serafina's photo albums and documents. These papers and photographs introduce Ana, the Afro-Cuban midwife, who was the attending midwife at Gracia's grandmother and mother's births.

From the grave, Dona Ana and Serafina help Gracia navigate her new life by sharing Puerto Rican history and folklore, traditional healing methods, and their views on spirituality and religion. Gracia will come full circle as she returns to her Puerto Rican roots and becomes the woman she was meant to be.

Worth a try. Then again, both novels could remain stand-alone novels, as well.  Hmmmm. Nice to have options, right?

Do you think I'm talking myself into a positive state of mind in this blog post? You bet your sweet ass I am!

Ellie xoxo

Morphing, Symbolism and Signs in Nature for Our Writing

A few days ago, I spotted a beautiful insect on my Puerto Rican grandmother's little wicker table that sits on my kitchen patio. I'd never seen anything like it. As I ran back inside to grab my cell phone to snap some photographs, I'd hoped it wouldn't fly away. My daughter's boyfriend told me what it was--a leopard moth.

Yesterday, I took a good look at this leopard moth and wondered if it was dead. It hadn't moved at all that I could see. So quiet and peaceful. I poked the moth lightly with my finger and it moved. What was it doing?

I wasn't sure if the insect was getting ready for something like morphing or coming to end of its life. I wondered if this lovely insect could fly at all. Perhaps it was injured or were its wings as decorative as the spots on its body, not really made for flying? The moth had moved to rest on a leaf of the pineapple top that I'm rooting in a glass of water last night. Maybe it was hungry. When I checked on the leopard moth this morning, it was gone. I was kinda sad and wished it well.

I love seeing and recognizing signs and symbolism in nature, so I thought about what this leopard moth might signify for me as a creative person. The ideas of morphing, change, rest, patience--the various stages of growth that the leopard moth had gone through resonated with me. It had morphed from caterpillar to chrysalis to moth. Quite a journey and here it was gracing my kitchen porch.

Over the last few years, I too have morphed as a woman, a writer and as an artist. At times, I'm crazy productive and other times, I've rested and gone inward. I've learned to preserve my creative energy and not burn out. I take breaks when I need them and if I need a week away from my novel or a painting, I take it--just because I'm not writing or have a paintbrush in hand doesn't mean I'm not being creative.

Much like this leopard moth, a lot is happening inside while I rest and am still. I may appear dormant at times, but I'm not dead! Rest and being still are an important stage in writing and being creative. I don't have huge swings of creativity aka I'm not up until all hours and then sleep for a week. But, I do listen to my mind and my body. I'm much more productive that way and I truly believe in things happening at the right time.

Timing is everything. One day soon, my first novel, A Decent Woman, is going to fly, fly, fly away like the leopard moth while at the same time, my second novel, Finding Gracia, is still in the caterpillar stage. I might feel sad to see my first novel go out into the world where I can no longer protect it, but my book is ready for that. I'm ready for that. My second novel is still where I can protect it and feed it dandelions until it morphs into another beautiful novel.

Peace and love to you,
Ellie

Yes, Patsy. I Must Be Crazy.

I'm tired. It's not even 9 o'clock in the morning and I already feel the need for a nap. My body isn't tired, but my mind is saturated with information gleaned from reading too many blog posts by agents, writers, and authors. I can't take anymore in.

This morning, I feel like the little mouse in the book, "Who Moved My Cheese?" My gut tells me that it's time to jump onto the self-publishing wagon, but my brain is telling me, "Wait. Just be patient. Do the work and then, think about all that." But then again, if I self-publish now, I could add that I have a published book in future query letters when I finished my second novel which is going quite well.

Is it time to move forward with an ebook or hang back, watching from the sidelines??? 
Am I going to miss the boat altogether by sticking to my novel and initial plan?
Do I have time to wait several more months to requery (is that a word?) and wait, wait and wait some more? 
What to do?

I'm tired. My brain is tired and I need another cup of tea. I'm not tired of my novel, not by a long shot, but I AM tired of thinking about querying agents, researching Amazon's Kindle Direct Publishing and tired of thinking and reading about the publishing world as a whole. My mind just can't take in any more information! Done. I need someone to help me navigate this world of self-publishing. Yes, I do!

HOW can one writer do it all? How can a writer with a limited income (like me) hire a publicist, another editor and a company to help navigate the self-publishing world? I can't and according to the experts in those fields, I need one of each BEFORE my manuscript is online. Sheesh.

I just want to write. That's it. I want to write interesting, thought-provoking and fabulous novels, one after another, and have readers love my work. Is that nuts?

Why do I write? I write because I'm compelled to and can't seem to stop. I also write because I want readers to perhaps learn something, live in the world I create, and love the characters I love. Is that too much to ask? I love writing.

I miss simpler days when a writer wrote a novel and got published. Maybe it wasn't that easy, but if you managed to write and sell a novel, the publishing houses did it all for them. The author was simply charged with writing and handing in a manuscript that had been well edited. Not today. Okay, I'm whining now.

It's one crazy world, the world of the writer. I feel like a kid standing in front of a spinning carousel, waiting for a break in the momentum to hop on and enjoy the ride that I know will be awesome. I just need one agent. One agent who believes in me and my books.

Could someone slow down the world, please? I feel that if I don't hop onto the damn self-publishing carousel soon, it will all change by the time I'm ready! I worry that it won't be free, it will no longer be easy to self-publish, and everyone will be on the carousel but me. If I wait any longer, I might not have a spot and I won't get the carousel horse of my choice.

I don't know any more, but I'm glad I can write this out and sorry you have to witness this whiny blog post. Sigh, off to write now.

Is that Patsy Cline I hear singing? I hear the song "Crazy" playing somewhere on my street. Yes Patsy, I must be crazy to write, but I love it.

Peace and love,
Ellie

Patience, Prayer and Being Proactive in Publishing

So, my horoscope for May says that this is the best month of the year for Virgo which would be me. Apparently, my houses of fame and recognition are highlighted this month, specifically in the fields of writing and publishing. Woot! Well, that is IF you believe in horoscopes, astrology, the planets and stars aligning for our highest good. I'm a middle of the road believer in astrology, but of course, I'm rooting for the planets this month. Yes, to writing recognition and a publishing contract! I'm in!

This morning, a friend posted a quote on Facebook which I can't remember verbatim, but it basically says that good things come to those who wait. Hmmm. I believe in patience and praying. I do. Lord knows, writers need and require tons and tons of patience and prayers. I pray, but I also believe that God gave me a brain. As in, I can't just sit here and wait for something to happen for me--I have to be proactive. For that publishing contract to happen, I have to query, query and keep querying agents.

It's like the joke about the guy who is sitting on the roof of his house in a flood. He's calling to God, pleading for Him to help him escape and survive the flood. A guy in a row boat approaches the house and encourages the man to jump into his boat, but he says, "No, I'm afraid I'll fall into the water and drown! Go on and save yourself! God will save me!" The man in the row boat can't convince the man. He shrugs and rows away.

In a few minutes, a helicopter flies by and spots the man on the roof. The pilot circles back, throws down a ladder and yells for the man to grab a hold and he'll fly him to safety. But, the man yells back that he's frozen in fear and is afraid that he'll grab for the ladder, miss it and be thrown into the flood. The helicopter flies away.

The man calls out to God, again pleading for Him to save him. God answers, "Boy, I've sent you a boat and I've sent you a helicopter, what are you doing to save yourself?! Use your brain, man!"

So, I'm a bit superstitious and IF I get an agent and a publishing contract this month, I will always and forever believe in astrology!! But to be on the safe and sane side, I'll keep praying, working on my novel-length manuscript, A Decent Woman, and I'll keep querying agents :)

Happy Friday to you!

Peace and love,
Ellie

One Round-trip Ticket, Please.

I'm surprised I've fallen asleep the last two nights and even more amazed that I slept through the night. I don't even want to blog about it because I'm afraid that I'll jinx myself or anger the gods in some way. But since my blog is about the writing life and my journey from novel-length manuscript to finding an agent to being published, I will. The agent who asked me for an exclusive read last month has asked for my entire manuscript two nights ago! I haven't felt that kind of happy in a very long time!

If you don't write books and aren't aware of how difficult and nearly impossible it is to have an agent reply positively to a query letter, then you might just say, "woopdidoo." I imagine an agent receives hundreds of query letters a week if not thousands, so to receive a positive response is awesome. If you DO write books and know how difficult it is to have an agent reply to a query letter and ask for sample chapters, you can still say, "woopdidoo" and I wouldn't be offended. But, I'm thrilled. The agent did reply to my query letter with three sample chapters and asked for the entire manuscript!

I didn't just hear back, I HEARD BACK. I had to read his email three times before it sunk in. He thinks my writing is wonderful, wished he had the entire manuscript because he enjoyed my first three chapters and he wrote the email from 37,000 feet up in the air on his way to the London Book Fair :) I think that's the most amazing thing! The first thing I did was pray and thank God. Then, I wrote back and thanked the agent! I immediately sent the agent's email to my kids who I knew would be so pleased for me. And then, of course...my computer gave me problems. All. night. long. At that moment, I would have hawked my car for a round trip ticket to London to personally hand the manuscript to the agent! I wasn't able to send my manuscript as a single file for whatever computer reason or something I was doing wrong, it just wouldn't go! But, I managed to fall asleep and in the morning, I worked at it and sent that manuscript three different ways to the agent! I wasn't leaving anything to chance. Done!

NOW the real waiting game begins and the worries, self-doubt and anxiety are back in place. Yesterday, I tried to put it out of my mind and not allow myself any negative thoughts. This will happen, I kept telling myself. I've got an interesting, original story to tell and I've done my homework for years. I've worked on my writing and the manuscript for years. What if the agent doesn't like the rest of the manuscript?? What then??

Well, I'll go right back to reading the manuscript for improvement where necessary and I'll continue writing my second novel.

I suppose the real waiting game is after you secure the agent of your dreams and you wait for a publishing company to pick up your book. More waiting, jangled nerves, nail biting, and patience required there! It's just the nature of the beast, but there isn't just one book in me, there are many. I have a series planned with novel #2 as the first installment. I'll just keep writing and tell the best story I can each and every time. I will keep on keeping on.

So, what does my best girlfriend do after she hears about the lovely email from the agent of my dreams? She congratulates me and invites me to visit her for a few weeks so that I don't wait by the phone and check my emails a dozen or more times a day. My friend is a smart cookie and such a good friend! She knows me well. Of course, I'm taking my laptop!!

 "Your writing is wonderful." That compliment had me 37,000 feet up in the air and I haven't come down since.

Peace and love,
Ellie

Heaps and Loads of Patience...

I woke up to a couple of inches of snow this morning...no, no, no. That wasn't supposed to happen! The primroses and daffodils are blooming and I'm in the throes of a major Spring cleaning, enjoyed airing out the house on a few warmer days and now snow? Major disappointment! 

This disappointment feels like my disappointment in not hearing back from the agent with the exclusive read of my sample chapters. I want to hear yesterday...and like winter it's taking more patience than I think I'm capable of mustering. I'm hanging in there, but it's tough. God gave out heaps and loads of patience on the day I was absent.

I don't know where I'm going to find more patience to wait for Spring AND an agent. I know agents are busy, I really do, but it doesn't make it easier to wait. I know and understand the writing business, but that doesn't mean I have to like it :)

I'd dared to dream of wearing shorts and a T-shirt which led me to trudging upstairs with my bulky winter coats last week, only to throw down my puffy vest this morning. I'd lowered the temperature in my house and shut off the ceramic heater in my bedroom a few nights ago only to turn the heater on high last night! Argh!

I've dared to visualize my book cover, I dream of crazy book sales, and great reviews, only to have to keep waiting patiently for the first step - finding an agent. I've begun writing my second book and I'm loving the research and writing only to find a typo on page 257 in my first manuscript! Argh! The discovery gripped my throat and now, I'm worried that there are more typos. Thoughts of what else I've missed plague me. Time to enlist the help of the lovely ladies at my local library who've offered to read my novel and hell...I'm also thinking about Kindle Publishing. Hey, I have to have Plan B, don't I?

So, Plan B for my first book is in place. I'm going to investigate Kindle Publishing. An ebook might be interesting as that's exactly how I buy my books these days. My Plan B for waiting for Spring to arrive is a trip to Florida. In a couple of weeks, I'll be flying to FL with my sister and we'll be visiting our father and his wife who might be recovering from surgery this week. I canNOT wait to feel the sun on my face and dip my feet in the ocean.

I'm going to keep writing my second book which I'm loving already. I'm writing it in first person POV which I've wanted to do for a long time. It's liberating and my writing is flowing. I'm happiest when I'm writing and I have a strange peace, but I'm having to force a huge smile this morning :/

Fake it until you make it! That's my mantra this morning.

Peace and love,
Ellie

Feeling Stuck?

Are you feeling stuck?  Do you need a shove out of your comfort zone? Are you impatiently waiting for an agent to email or call you about representation after asking for an exclusive and it's been long enough that you're considering self-publishing because you don't think you'll ever land an agent? Do you secretly fear that your book won't ever be in print? Oh, wait. That's about me. I'm waiting impatiently for a specific agent to get back to me and fear that my book won't ever be published. Back to you!

If you're stuck in a place where you don't know what the next thing to do is and you're afraid of doing something out of your comfort zone, may I suggest singing karaoke at a country bar? Piece of cake you say? Okay, let's up the ante. Let's have you sing a country song in a packed country bar after a country gentleman sang, "On The Pontoon" which is a real sing-along and favorite in my neck of the woods that nearly brought down the house. What do you say? Would you go on next if you'd only sung in public once in your entire life?  Deal?

Well, that's exactly what happened to me on Saturday night. And, no...I didn't sign up and had no idea my friend had secretly signed me up to sing, "Crazy" by Patsy Cline. She knew I'd only every done karaoke once and I'd just finished saying that I had a fear of singing in public, no matter how friendly the crowd was. She asked me what song I would sing IF I had the chance and I answered Cline's song because I have a low voice.

The one time was when I sang backup or more to the point, I was comic relief for a girlfriend whose birthday we were celebrating at the river and only because we'd done a few tequila shots beforehand. It was one of those moments where you are feeling the effects of liquid courage, believe me. I have a fear of singing in public, but I'd done it and although I didn't bring the house down, it was not nearly as terrifying as I'd thought it would be.

So, when I heard my name called out, I froze. What?! There had to be a mistake! "Come on, little lady! It's your turn to wow us!" My jaw dropped, eyebrows raised and I looked at my friends with a look that said, Are you friggin' kidding me?!" There was no backing out, people were clapping and I walked up to the stage, knees knockin'. The karaoke guy was ready with "Crazy", holy shnikies. No backing out now. The guy asked for a warm country welcome and the music started. He pointed at the reader and winked at me.

Good God. Well, I love that song and knew the words, but at that moment, if the screen hadn't been in front of me with lyrics and a bouncing ball on the words to be sung in what order, I'd have bombed.

I sang sort of on key and lo and behold, as I sang people went up to the dance floor to slow dance to me singing!  CRAZY~! I enjoyed it and enjoyed the applause when I finished. What a hoot! As I walked back to my seat, I heard the karaoke guy say, "It's always the shy ones who surprise us." Well, waddya know :)

No, I'm not giving up my day job of writing and I'll continue to wait for said agent to respond. I have no illusions of landing on "American Idol", but I did conquer my fear of singing in public...and, as the night wore on and more people got up to sing, I realized I wasn't the worst singer of the night :)