Which Leads Me To...

I reread my last blog post and have to tell you that unless a writer has super powers or a clone of themselves, a writer just can't get it ALL done and STILL write a novel that's worth a dime.

Okay, that's a bit dramatic. It IS done and the reality is that I don't know how writers manage to raise well-adjusted children, keep a spouse or romantic partner happy and still have the time to write, publish and market a novel. These writers tend to pay their taxes on time, run for PTA positions, hold a full-time job and run a cottage industry at home.  How in the heck do they do it?

Yes, I realize that organization, focus and discipline are key here. These authors still have time to make basil butter, tend an organic garden and exercise every day to keep up their amazing bodies (tongue in cheek here)...but, that writer isn't me. Unfortunately, when I write, I write all day long. When I garden, I get all into it and when I research, the world disappears for me. I seem to be an all or nothing writer. Or maybe not.

Blogging seems to be the only activity I can do for an hour and leave well alone. Then, I read other blogs. That seems to be the issue here. Not that I don't enjoy reading author and agent blogs, I do, but...

I read author blogs which lead me to their websites which leads me to their books which leads me to research what they've written about which leads me to Goodreads which leads me to their agent's page or blog which leads me to researching the agent which leads me to rewriting my query letter which leads me to sending said query letter to said agent if they're interested in my genre of historical fiction which leads me ordering the 2014 Writer's Digest of Literary Agents which leads me to checking out other books that Amazon has recommended because of my buying history which leads me to wondering why my most recent book hasn't arrived which leads to me checking the mailbox which leads to checking out new mailboxes because mine is getting old which leads me to Home Depot where all bets are off. I'm now into home decorating and simplifying my life by throwing out things that no longer serve me which leads to good feelings which lead to thinking of my manuscript that I haven't touched that day.

Does this happen to you?

THAT is the reality of it, folks. Some days, I lack focus...and this day is no different. I feel distracted and pulled in many directions, mostly what I need to get done in my personal life so that it runs smoothly. I now realize that I accomplished much more in one day when I was married and had children at home. Why? Because I had to. I had limited time and I knew it. I made great use of my time and got so much accomplished. Now that I have all the time in the world as a single lady with no children living at home...not so much. Unless I'm totally immersed.

What's wrong with this picture? I need a DAILY PLAN OF ACTION for writing and other sundry stuff that seem to be as important as writing some days! I need a list and I need to stick to that daily list. And, God knows how much I love writing lists. Another distraction :)

Ellie

Squash the Censors and Naysayers

When I left Northern Virginia and my job as a bilingual (Spanish) family support worker with a great non-profit, I had a plan and a dream--buy a small house and write full-time. I moved west where I could afford a home and finished my novel. I accomplished both in a very short period of time because I was motivated and probably a little bit nutty.

It has been three years since that moving truck pulled up to my new life. Was it easy? Yes, it was once I decided that was what I wanted to do. I was committed to my plan and the pieces fell into place very easily and very quickly. I decided and the Universe conspired with me to make my dreams a reality, but there were pros and cons

As I was renting, buying was a smart move although I live on much less than when I was working full-time. I've adjusted and it has been a steep learning curve as I'd never bought and financially managed a house on my own. I moved two hours from my adult children which was very painful, but I only saw my children twice a month and they lived ten minutes from my home. I loved working with my clients, but I was tired of running around with 27 client families and the paperwork...was just awful. I felt like a hamster in a wheel most days and creatively, I was stifled. There was little time to write and paint which I've done since I was in my early teens. I needed a creative life. Moving was the best decision ever and I've never looked back. There were sacrifices to make, however.

Is it still easy? No, it's not. I live retirement pay check to retirement pay check and tax season is always stressful, but with God's help and being creative and frugal, I manage. I still see my children once or twice a month which is great and I have met new friends in my new town. I try to take a road trip per month to visit friends and family which I love and my social life can be active if I choose. I love my home and I'm still working on this old house and garden which give me a lot of joy, satisfaction and peace.

The difficult parts of sticking to my plan are: sticking to my plan when money is tight and keeping the faith and my dream of seeing my historical novel, A Decent Woman, alive. I've looked into part-time jobs in my town, but they are either not available or the money is too low for the amount of time required. I want to write, period. To go backward and work full-time isn't an option for me. I've already lived my dream for three years, there is no going back in my hard-headed brain. I will make ends meet because I want this life and I must persevere. Worrying won't help. I must remain steadfast and confident about my novel and my historical novel-in-progress, Finding Gracia.

The most difficult part I've experienced is actually staying the course when rejection letters arrive and when I meet people whose faces seem to say, "Get a real job" when I say that my book hasn't been published yet. When I tell them that I'm working hard on getting an agent and a publisher the traditional route, I imagine that they're thinking how irresponsible I am. I 'hear' their thoughts out loud, "Time to give up on that dream, Ellie. Self publish your book." It's like a brief instant of pity crosses their faces and they're thinking how delusional I must be to continue to go after this dream of seeing my book in print, the traditional way. Of course, I have no clue what they're thinking, but it's like I hear those words. My censors are alive and well some days. 

There's nothing like meeting new people to shake your firm foundation a bit and it's even harder with friends and family who know you well. Of course, this doesn't happen often, but when it does, it seems that all the good wishes and support instantly fade away. That's when I begin playing mind games with myself. I remind myself WHY I moved and WHY I must write. I believe in my novel and I love my story and characters. I have to silence the censors and naysayers in my head! When this happens, I take a walk or a short drive to clear my head. I remind myself of the difficult roads for all authors, including best selling authors. I visualize myself signing a stack of my books on a book tour and signing the contract for my second book. These tricks usually work and before I know it, I'm writing again.

I remind myself about how fortunate and blessed I am to do what I'm passionate about. I'm grateful for the opportunity and gift of writing full-time and very blessed to have a roof over my head. My children are happy, healthy and successful and I live alone with little or no distractions.

NOW, if I could just win the lottery...

Ellie

Preparing to Go Inward and Getting More Writing Done

This morning in West Virginia was glorious. I watered the gardens and potted plants in a cotton sweater against the crisp air and I was in heaven. As I mowed my lawn, I wondered when the last time for mowing would be this year and realized that I needed to think of another way to burn calories. Writing means I'm sitting down for hours upon hours...must walk more.

My Pug enjoyed the cooler temps, as well. He wasn't his usual panting self, but he ate fallen grapes from the Concord grape arbor which apparently are toxic for dogs. Well, I sweep them away every morning, but Ozzy didn't get the memo. He hasn't gotten sick in three years of eating grapes and I don't know how to stop him. What can you do? It's the time of the year when they fall onto my patio and he loves being outdoors.

On September 22, 2013 at 4:44 pm, we'll be in the autumnal equinox, my favorite season of the year. Fall in West Virginia brings crisp, chilly days, apple butter, local harvest festivals, hearty soups and stews. I love Fall and am completely ready for the change in season in my neck of the woods. Fall and winter are my favorite writing months and I love to write.

Autumn is the time of year when we straddle the inside and outside world and begin looking inward with the shorter days. Like a pregnant woman near her delivery date, I begin to nest the week before the equinox. I wash out the red crock pot, air out my cotton sweaters and search for heavier blankets for my bed and naps on the couch. I'm preparing my garden by putting down heavy mulch and bringing in more delicate potted plants. It's a cozy season, perfect for writing. My garden doesn't need me as much in the fall and I will enjoy the changing leaves from my dining room window where I love to write.

I have two short trips planned in October: my first writer's conference and a visit with my father and his wife. After that, I plan on turning into a semi-hermit at home with an occasional weekend at the river before the river season ends. We don't have a generator at the river, so I'll be closing up the first weekend in November. It's beautiful there in the fall, but chattering teeth isn't conducive to good writing. I'll enjoy my city home and am looking for a fire pit for my patio for cold nights when I want to be outside with friends.

I always plan on less distractions and more writing time during the fall and winter months. I don't add anything to my calender except for Thanksgiving and Christmas with my family unless I am invited to the islands in which case, I go! I've got a novel to finish and autumn is the perfect time to settle down and get stuck into my second novel, Finding Gracia. My first novel, A Decent Woman is finished and hopefully, will be picked up soon by an agent or a publisher. Please, God.

I've enjoyed a superb summer this year with many road trips with family and friends. I visited new places and met new people and soon, it will be time to go inward with my thoughts and my characters. I will enter another world and will be in my head a lot more than normal. Whatever normal is :)

Happy weekend to you.

Ellie

Writing Away the Pounds

This will probably be the last blog post I'm able to write until I receive my new power cord from Amazon. I hope it arrives this week. I have to return my neighbor's cord in a few minutes, so I'm taking this opportunity to write a blog post about the importance of exercise and down town between writing sessions.

In the time that I edited my novel, A Decent Woman, and got it ready for querying agents and publishers, I'd gained 20 pounds. You've read right. That's what I gained in two years and I know why. I was eating on the run and that meant fast food. I love to write and sitting in front of a laptop for eight to ten hours a day doesn't bother me, but it bothered my waist line! By the time summer rolled around this year, I couldn't zip up my shorts. I put them on and was surprised by the two inches that would have to disappear in order for me to zip up. If I'd gotten them zipped up, breathing was another matter altogether. I was forced to head to Walmart for new shorts in a larger size. Not good.

It didn't seem to matter that I worked in the garden last spring, cleaned my house and walked my dog, the weight kept creeping up. My dog is a cute, but lazy Pug and walking him is like a very s l o w stroll in the park, so that wasn't really helping matters. I needed to boost up my metabolism which isn't easy with menopause lurking around the corner and a lifelong thyroid issue, but it had to be done.

I needed motivation. I bought a new pair of walking shoes, started walking in town for an hour and then, a friend introduced me to Weight Watchers. She gave me her binder of WW literature and her digital point counter. I began reading up on what it all entailed as I've never done WW before and I was pleasantly surprised as to what I could eat. It was worth a try and I'm in the first week of my goal of losing 50 pounds.

Here are some of the changes I had to make in my life:

Plan to write for an hour or two and then, turn off the laptop. Take a long walk, plant a small garden, buy a step counter for my walks, walk up and down the stairs a few times a day, and walk instead of driving whenever possible. Drink lots of water. Look at my diet and take out as much sugar and caffeine as possible. Stop drinking soda. No more white bread, sugar or white flour. Blend my version of Green Juice and try it for 14 days. (My recipe below).

For mental and emotional downtime, read! Start a journal again. Make a dream collage. Paint again. Learn something new. Visit friends instead of calling and texting them, if possible. Connect with people. Volunteer. Teach a class. Join a dance class. Take neighbor and her kids to the zoo or a petting farm. Hug a tree. Take a walk along a body of water. Go fishing. Learn a new language. Start planning my next vacation. Call an elderly relative or neighbor I need to catch up with. Breathe and meditate. Pray. Visualize my published book in my hands as I read an excerpt at a book signing with a sell-out crowd :)

GREEN JUICE:

1/2 fresh pineapple, chopped up
bunch of spinach and kale
1 cucumber
juice of one lemon and one lime
handful of fresh mint
1 apple
1 orange

Blend. Should make three large glasses. Fruits and vegies are ZERO points on Weight Watchers.

Enjoy!

Peace and love,
Ellie

She Stood in the Storm...

She stood in the storm, and when the wind did not blow her way,

she adjusted her sail.

-Elizabeth Edwards

I remembered this quote after I wrote yesterday's blog post. I'd reread my words and realized that it was time to adjust my sail. I was already tired of feeling like the kid standing in front of a carousel, wanting to get on, but who can only watch the painted horses go round and round. I'd symbolically licked my index finger and put it up, searching for a breeze and yesterday, I didn't find a breeze. I don't do whiny and victim well, so writing out my feelings really helped me.

I decided that I would adjust my sail and find that damn breeze because I know it's out there. There's plenty of breeze to go around, I just have to find it and keep adjusting accordingly.

When I began my first novel, I was the kid who sits on a large piece of cardboard, giddy and eager to go down the snowy hill that glistens in front of her. The anticipation and adrenaline of seeing my novel published and read by family, friends and strangers really kept me going. I didn't know diddly squat about the publishing business, but I had high hope that my story was fresh and unique enough for publication and representation. The momentum was great.

But sometimes, we hit a patch of ice that derails us or we hit a patch where the snow has melted and the grass is growing, forcing our piece of cardboard to come to a dead halt. We keep scooting forward, hoping to find that momentum again and sometimes, we just don't find it. I'm not sure if my piece of cardboard came to a dead stop yesterday OR maybe I stopped it. Yesterday, I was frustrated and overwhelmed. I got tired of the false starts,  rejection and seemingly, dead ends with my novel.

In 2006, I went through a marital separation, a trans-Atlantic move with my kids back to the US, and I divorced. I'd turned 50 and worked full-time while going back to school part-time. I'm no quitter. I've come through adversity and challenges with flying colors (to me) and I don't shy away from the road less traveled. I finish what I start.

This sounds like a pep talk, doesn't it? Well, sometimes you have to talk yourself into believing that you can do it. Fake it until you make it, they say. But, I'm not faking it--I'm doing it. I do, however, have to remind myself that I'm tough, tenacious, and that I've accomplished great things in my life. I've lived an interesting life here and abroad and I still have visions of adventures, living overseas, traveling, sharing in my kid's happy moments, and of holding my future grandchildren. There's a lot left to experience and I'm excited for the future with my children and my future as a writer and published novelist.

The writer's life isn't an easy road to navigate and the publishing world is even tougher. It's a lonely life at times, but I love it. I moved to WV to be able to write full-time and I've done just that. I received lovely comments and emails after I posted yesterday's blog post and I say THANK YOU. Two friends, both published authors, came forward to give me encouragement, support and virtual hugs. I needed them!

I went out with a good friend last night who has come through difficulties and adversity in her personal and professional life. She called out of the blue and didn't take no for an answer when she suggested we go out. I tried to beg off, saying my hair didn't look great and that my jeans were dirty (true), but she ignored me. "Be ready in 10 minutes, I've already left the house," she said.  Okay, then! In that situation, I faked it until I made it. I really didn't want to go out.

During our catching up, I realized that my friend had needed the night out as much as I had. We kept thanking each other for the fun evening and vowed not to allow ourselves to get bogged down with the small stuff. And, that we have to get out every now and then!

This morning, I realized that I'd brought down my sail yesterday. I'd folded it carefully and put it away. Self-preservation? Perhaps it was. But, I've decided to unfold and raise that sail again today. I'm adjusting my sails toward small presses for my novel. I'm pleased that many big name agents have asked to see sample chapters of my novel. That shows me that I'm on the right path. I just have to keep adjusting my sails until I hit my stride by rewriting and making my novel the best it can be.

Good luck to all the writers out there! Hang in there, I know it's tough and you're not alone. Praying for smooth seas and lots of wind for us! I have renewed faith today. It's fragile, but it's there.

Thanks again to the writers who came forward yesterday, fanning my sails for me when I just couldn't catch a damn breeze :)

Peace and love to you,
Ellie

On Outlines and Planning Your Novel

I photographed this leaning royal palm while on vacation in St. Lucia. It got my attention. I don't know why the tree leans to the right, it just does and it has grown into a beauty. Perhaps heavy winds of a tropical storm or hurricane caused it to lean or maybe the tree to the left shaded it and the palm like a flower, kept searching for more light. Maybe it was always meant to lean, who knows! But for whatever reason, to me it's still a majestic royal palm with a quirky, interesting side. It wouldn't have gotten my attention any other way.

As a new writer, I made quite a few mistakes with my first novel, A Decent Woman, but I was enthusiastic! All I knew was that I loved to write and I kept at the business of telling my story. Ignorance was indeed bliss with me. I didn't compare myself to anyone and I didn't try to emulate other writers. As a matter of fact, during the year that I wrote the first draft, I didn't read novels about Puerto Rico so that I wouldn't be swayed by other writers. I wanted to see what I could come up with on my own, realizing that nothing is really original in this world and also realizing that five writers could write about the same town and come up with five distinct and original story lines. But I'm a little stubborn and love a challenge. So, that was my plan - just write.

I wrote the first draft without worrying about specifics. Some writers plan out every single detail with outlines, charts, plans and index cards, but I didn't. I had an outline and knew where I'd wanted to begin and end, but the middle was pretty much organic. Both methods work well in my humble opinion.

I thoroughly enjoyed writing my first novel and afterward, I began reading novels about Puerto Rico again and started reading books on the craft of writing. I did, however, do research along the way. When the first draft was finished, the editing began. I rewrote, strengthened the story and my characters and the direction and side roads that my characters chose became clearer. I learned a lot and tried out many different approaches in trying to better my craft and my novel, but being held to a rigid outline in the beginning wouldn't have worked for me. I'm a flexible, spontaneous person by nature and it shows in how I write books.

When it comes down to writing my second novel...I'm sticking to writing without a detailed outline, it works for me. I want my writing to be fluid, organic and I love the discovery along the way. To do otherwise would discombobulate me! I paint the same way - I don't have a plan in mind. I might have a theme or might have a series in mind, but that's about it. I just paint and see what comes about.

There is no wrong or right way to write a book, go for it. Just write. Write your story. Do what works best for you.

I'm following the same path with my second novel, Finding Gracia on the Path, a novel about a woman who finds herself along El Camino de Santiago in France and Spain. I kept detailed journals during our two week walk, I took dozens of photographs, and I have personal accounts of pilgrims I met along the way. I walked the medieval pilgrimage path with my children right after my husband left our family home. Talk about combat enlightenment! You know, that wouldn't be a bad title, either!

I'm getting it down in West Virginia...my way.

Happy Easter to you!
Ellie

Heaps and Loads of Patience...

I woke up to a couple of inches of snow this morning...no, no, no. That wasn't supposed to happen! The primroses and daffodils are blooming and I'm in the throes of a major Spring cleaning, enjoyed airing out the house on a few warmer days and now snow? Major disappointment! 

This disappointment feels like my disappointment in not hearing back from the agent with the exclusive read of my sample chapters. I want to hear yesterday...and like winter it's taking more patience than I think I'm capable of mustering. I'm hanging in there, but it's tough. God gave out heaps and loads of patience on the day I was absent.

I don't know where I'm going to find more patience to wait for Spring AND an agent. I know agents are busy, I really do, but it doesn't make it easier to wait. I know and understand the writing business, but that doesn't mean I have to like it :)

I'd dared to dream of wearing shorts and a T-shirt which led me to trudging upstairs with my bulky winter coats last week, only to throw down my puffy vest this morning. I'd lowered the temperature in my house and shut off the ceramic heater in my bedroom a few nights ago only to turn the heater on high last night! Argh!

I've dared to visualize my book cover, I dream of crazy book sales, and great reviews, only to have to keep waiting patiently for the first step - finding an agent. I've begun writing my second book and I'm loving the research and writing only to find a typo on page 257 in my first manuscript! Argh! The discovery gripped my throat and now, I'm worried that there are more typos. Thoughts of what else I've missed plague me. Time to enlist the help of the lovely ladies at my local library who've offered to read my novel and hell...I'm also thinking about Kindle Publishing. Hey, I have to have Plan B, don't I?

So, Plan B for my first book is in place. I'm going to investigate Kindle Publishing. An ebook might be interesting as that's exactly how I buy my books these days. My Plan B for waiting for Spring to arrive is a trip to Florida. In a couple of weeks, I'll be flying to FL with my sister and we'll be visiting our father and his wife who might be recovering from surgery this week. I canNOT wait to feel the sun on my face and dip my feet in the ocean.

I'm going to keep writing my second book which I'm loving already. I'm writing it in first person POV which I've wanted to do for a long time. It's liberating and my writing is flowing. I'm happiest when I'm writing and I have a strange peace, but I'm having to force a huge smile this morning :/

Fake it until you make it! That's my mantra this morning.

Peace and love,
Ellie

2013 New Year's Resolutions

Hi all!

If my family had joined me for Christmas in my home in West Virginia, we'd have woken up to a white Christmas!  I'd heard that we had gotten snow on the day and when I stepped off Amtrak last night, there were four inches and gale-force winds!

Picture this - you step off the train with your weekend-size suitcase with wheels and trudge a block to your house through slush and snow (uphill) with the wind whipping right through your puffy brown coat!  That was me last night at 6 pm :)  I chose to walk in the nearly snowless paths that cars had forged which, of course, meant I was walking in the road.  Drivers were patient with me and one young woman stopped and rolled her window down, offering me a ride home.  So sweet!  I thanked her and told her that I was half a block from home; I could do this.  What a work out!  A much-needed workout to begin to burn all those nasty and oh, so good Holiday calories and pounds that I've most definitely put on.  Ugh...

Months ago, I bought the entire Zumba series of exercise DVDs and gave two to my daughter yesterday.  I am determined to lose 30 pounds.  Yes, I am and I will!  I love to dance and I'm Puerto Rican - what better way to lose weight dancing to merengue, salsa, cumbia, and a bit of belly dancing.  It's on!  I lost 30 pounds last spring and looked my best (for my age), but winter came again and so did the weight.

20 New Year's Resolutions and daily schedule - subject to change or change importance whenever I want them to!

1.   Walk Ozzy shortly after waking up, drink 8 ounches of water first
2.   Eat a yoghurt and drink a glass of water before coffee
3.   Stretch and do not fire up the laptop just yet!
4.   Warm up and do the 60 minute Zumba routine
5.   Cool down with meditation and prayer and water
6.   Fire up laptop, check emails, Facebook and like something or write a status update so that my kids know I'm alive :) At this time, make coffee with low fat half and half
7.   Throw out all the old food in fridge and go grocery shopping for healthy foods! No more fast food until never!
8.   Take Ozzy for his noon walk and eat a salad for lunch
9.   Write my blog and DO NOT watch The View or CNN!
10. Do not turn on television, at all and finish that editing.
11. Write query letters and send out!
12.  Delete phone numbers for Anthony's Pizza and China King!
13.  Throw out all size 14 and 12 jeans and clothing!
14.  Continue walking instead of starting the car and driving; do NOT stop at Habanero's for a steak burrito!
15.  Continue reading and learn to review books that my friends have written!
16.  Continue to keep up with other author's blogs and their book updates
17.  No more painting (wall or canvas) or Pinterest projects this winter and spring!
18.  Order new bathing suit instead of waiting until summer when the pickings are slim to none in my size!
19.  Start wearing my size 10 shorts in the house, tight waist and all!
20.  Be happy, healthy and productive this 2013!  Be published and more focused next year!

Peace and love,
Ellie

Christmas Memories

My sister and I on Christmas morning,1965

Happy Boxing Day to you! 

The day after Christmas is called Boxing Day in the UK because of all the people who go back into stores today with boxes of gifts to return!  I'm not going near a store today, I can tell you that!  I'm headed to the train station around two to catch my four o'clock train to West Virginia - home.

I will board that train with a huge smile on my face, new memories and a warm heart.  I was so blessed to have spent Christmas with my children, friends and family.  We had a wonderful Holiday and I hope you did, too.  We cooked way too much, ate way too much and shared in the cooking and clean up!  Cleaning up after dinner was just as much fun as cooking and eating with my family.  

Interesting to note that the women were cleaning up and putting food away and the men sat on the couch watching TV...what's wrong with this picture??  We kept them busy with three bags of trash that needed to go out and anything else we could think of to include them in the whole Christmas experience :)

I hate to leave my children in Northern Virginia and head home to West Virginia, but I will leave with beautiful memories, tons of pictures to edit and share.  And...I can't say I'm not glad the Holidays are over :)  I also get to see my furry babies tonight and that's great, too.  I've missed them and hope we have snow on the ground.  We had an inch in Virginia this morning, but it's now raining and slowly melting.  Glad I took photos early this morning!

We now head toward New Year's Eve and I don't have any plans.  I've already thought of an outfit if I get asked out, though :) You never know and must be prepared!  If I don't receive an invitation, I just might have a little cocktail party to ring in the New Year with my friends in town.  No reason to ring in the new year alone :)

Then, the editing begins BIG time.  It's time to prepare for the birth of this novel.  I have query letters to write and it's time to push forward in finding an agent and/or getting published out right...I know, I dream BIG!  Hey, I can visualize it, so it will happen, right?!  Right!

2013.  Bring it on :)

Have a beautiful day!

Peace and love,

Ellie



But, I Digress...

Hi all,

We had snow flurries this morning!  I woke up, checked my phone for the time (no one wears watches anymore) and at 8:38, we had wet snow and snow flurries.  I was as excited as a kid, teen or adult who is hoping to get out of school or work or the commute to work.  And, I work from home :)  Hell, as an at-home Mom, I was excited for my kids to stay home so we could play! They had my ex-husband's genes in that respect, however...they never wanted to miss a day of school.  But, I digress...

Then, it was all over.  The snow flurries landed on wet sidewalks and it was all over, really before it even began.  Bummer.  I really wanted to see snow on the ground this morning.  I wanted to put on my old gray robe, make a pot of vanilla chai tea (chai means tea, doesn't it?) and write to my heart's content, watching the snow fall from the dining room window.

I've always wanted to live in a Currier & Ives painting. I want to live in a thatched roof cottage by a lazy river that has a brick bridge going that leads to my children's homes because they live a stone's throw from my house.  But, I digress...

Of course, I put on my old gray robe, made a pot of vanilla chai and powered up the laptop.  I edited my novel yesterday from 9 in the morning to nearly 10 at night with a few breaks. I was on a roll! Why?  Because I forgot to pay my cable bill that includes the Internet :)  No distractions and it worked like a charm.  I made huge strides on my novel and I'm so, so pleased with the first ten chapters.  But, I digress...wait.  What is this blog about any way?  Writing, snow, or kids?

So, I powered up the laptop this morning, shoo'd the cat away from my vanilla chai (which must be a drug as powerful as catnip for my Maine Coon, Pierre) and took Ozzy my Pug out for a quick walk.  On our walk, I noticed that Main Street has put on their Holiday accessories which are beautiful.  I just LOVE walking through small towns with big Christmas and holiday decorations like the town I live in.  It's charming this time of year, but I digress...

You know what? I don't have a damn clue what this blog is about.  I started losing the thread almost immediately and I don't think I even had a thread!  I just started writing.  That's the way it happens with me.  I just start to write and I end up with a short story, five poems (I canNOT write just poem) or a blog.  I write dialogue, scenes and character descriptions.  I rewrite paragraphs, whole chapters, beginnings and endings.  I never get bored.

I don't really know what today is all about, but I DO know that I have to write like I have to breathe.  I have to write and you should, too.

So back to my novel :)  Happy writing.

Peace and love,
Ellie

Three Steps Forward and Two Steps Back.

Hi all,

As the Amtrak train rounded the bend toward my town, I reached into my purse to pull out my keys.  No keys!  I double checked and then remembered - they were on my sister's kitchen table.  Oh well.  I knew Junior, my dog sitter, had a house key and I have a spare car key at home.  Disaster averted as Junior answered his cell phone; he was on his way to my house.

I'm always happy to get home after a weekend away.  My house and garden looked great and it was lovely to be in my comfy bed with a good book last night - mine!  The hard copy of my manuscript arrived while I was gone.  I'd already made the changes my editor suggested (they were awesome changes) last week on Track Changes and now, I held 365 pages of my novel.  How wonderful is that?

This week, I begin fleshing out the friendships in my novel and working on Point of View (POV) which I've found to be quite difficult!  My editor has recommended taking out the two male character's POV which I totally agree with.  My target audience - women.  I get that and it makes sense to me.  So, on we go :)

I had a nice time with my children and my sister this past weekend, celebrating our friend Carmen's 80th birthday.  Carmen's three children, their families and nearly all her grandchildren were in attendance to include two new great-grandchildren.  Carmen looked beautiful and her family did a wonderful job putting her party together.  I was happy for her and happy that my children joined me in celebrating the special day.

As I looked around the Clubhouse dining room, I was reminded that all of my mother's friends have lost their husbands - all widows.  I wondered if that still holds true, that women outlive men.  None of these women were smokers nor heavy drinkers.  My grandmother outlived my grandfather.  They were the heads and hearts of their families.  My grandmother was certainly the head of our family - the Matriarch.

What am I as the eldest daughter of my family?  Am I the matriarch?  Does that still exist in this day and age?  Maybe it does.  I suppose I felt like the matriarch when I was still married and financially able to help my children and my family after my mother and grandmother died.  When someone had a problem or issue, I was ready and able to assist, but now as a divorcee living on a budget and two hours from my children - not so much.  I guess I did feel like a matriarch in those days and was always happy to help; just didn't give it much thought until yesterday.

My children have graduated from college and are on their own.  My sister and her children are doing well and my half-sister's children are pretty much on their own, as well. My kids know that I would sell my car and house if they were in dire straits and, thank God, they are doing more than well at this time.

My kids used to listen to my advice, suggestions and gentle words when they were in high school, in college and for a few years afterward.  These days?  Not so much!  They roll their eyes, disagree with me and poke fun at me.  My "words of wisdom" (judging by their reactions and facial expressions) must seem old-fashioned, out-of-touch and cooky to them :)  I've kind of given up the generational or self-imposed title of matriarch.  As they moved forward in their lives, so did I but it felt strange, at times.

I guess I thought I was the matriarch by default because my mother and grandmother has passed on.  Unlike my mother, grandmother, Carmen and her girlfriends whose husbands passed on, I was divorced and didn't fare as well as I probably would have if I were a widow.  Just sayin' and I wish him well :)

None of these women entered the dating world at 50 after divorce and none of them worked past 50 because they didn't have to.  For the most part, women of my mother and grandmother's generations just settled into living alone as widows and living for their children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren.  Many of these women volunteered their time to favorite charities and their churches; they still do as I learned yesterday.

Do today's matriarchs date, live lives as single women and still take single's cruises?!  Do our children see us as matriarchs?  Do mine?  Is that word and title passe or non-existent?  I think my children would love for me to be a matriarch.  It's complicated...they don't like hearing about my dating life (non-existent at this time) and they'd love to see me married. I think my children secretly wish I would stay home and bake cookies like the old days when my world revolved around them.  By the same token, they wish I would get a life so that they can live theirs without my interference and two cents :)  It's a different generation.

My kids might not realize that I wish I could go back in time...but, it's NOT my reality at this time in my life.  It's not their fault - they were raised in a traditional, father works outside the home, mother stays home family.

So, I'm a 55 year old, single woman who still has dreams, goals and aspirations.  I have adult kids and I'm trying to figure out how I stay loyal to myself and parent adult kids IF we in fact, parent adult kids under 30!  I don't think we do.  I think my kids tolerate me and would pat my head like a good ol', loyal dog if they could :)

My youngest sister isn't the matriarch as she lives her life in MD and gets together with us on holidays and special occasions.  Is Carmen the matriarch of her family or is she just the oldest?  Why in the heck did I bother thinking that I was the matriarch, the family cheer leader, the wise old lady?  Delusional, right?  Am I more traditional than I thought?  Why did I think that being the head of a family was so damn important and why have I fought tooth and nail to keep my small family tight and close-knit?  No one else seems to be bothered by it.  We just get together when we can and go our separate ways afterward.  I've learned an important lesson this weekend.  And it's all good.

Well, it's no wonder I write fiction, for goodness sake!  I can be the matriarch in my novel, the heroine and the sage wise woman. As they say, I believe my debut novel is more of an auto-biographical than I thought.  I thought this blog would be about writing and my novel...and I guess it is.  These are the thoughts that come to mind as I edit.  Am I supposed to only write about writing?  Teach creative writing, give tips, and play the expert or is writing about life and what we've learned along the way WHILE we write?  I'm not really sure.

I just hate letting people down, but time and life lately have shown me that I'm not letting anyone down.  I was standing in my own way and didn't realize it.  I was hanging onto a role that no one wants me to play...HUGE light bulb moment here.  I'm okay with that now, but God help them if they want me to revert back.  You can't have your cake and eat it, too :)

Peace and love,
Ellie

We All Have a Book to Write.

Hi all,

I'm a person who believes that when you put your mind to something, a dream, a goal or a challenge, you can do it.  I also believe that when you decide what you want in your life, the Universe conspires to facilitate the process and the path.  

Yeah, that sounds like New Age lingo, doesn't it?  Well, I believe it because I've experienced it.  Any time I've decided to pursue a dream and reach a goal, I've known full-well that the prize wasn't going to be handed to me on a silver platter.  Dreams and goals require research, thought, soul searching, lots of hard work and at times, sacrifice.  As soon as I've done the necessary legwork, it's amazing...people and complete strangers have come out the wings and shadows to either walk beside me, mentor and assist me.

When I wrote a tribute to my Puerto Rican grandmother for her 90th birthday, I sent it to my female relatives.  The tribute was well-received which pleased me and my grandmother loved it.  I was one of those kids who sat Meme's feet, listening intently to her stories of growing up poor in the Playa de Ponce in Puerto Rico, marrying well and the struggles and challenges of being a woman/mother in the early 1900's.  My mother, Mercedes, knew all the stories and when we'd return from our summers on the island, she'd regale my sister Elaine and I with those stories we loved.

I showed my then-husband the tribute to my grandmother and he encouraged me to write an outline to see if I had "a book in there".  In fifteen minutes, I had an outline.  He said to me, "You've got a book to write."  He was right.  Right then and there, I sat at the computer and in six months, I'd written a 326 page novel.  With two kids at home and a husband/household to manage :) I finished it.  I'd always journaled, but a novel?  The idea never crossed my mind before.  I've always joked that the spirits helped me write this novel...and I'm not so sure that isn't true.

Through my research for my debut novel, I've met two professors of women's studies from various US universies in Washington, DC; I traveled to Puerto Rico and the Dominican Republic interviewing women; and I traveled to Cacao in the mountains of Puerto Rico where my grandparents owned a farm with my cousin, Josefina. A stroll down Memory Lane for us.  I met two female Puerto Rican authors who I'm still friends with.

Synchronicity after synchronicity has occurred during my writing path and I am just amazed.  I am passionate about the arts and I love my story.  Fast forward six years and I'm still blogging, Tweeting, still meeting and communicating with latinas/latinos and hispanics from around the world.  I'm new to social media and I'm learning so much.  At times, I feel as if I've opened Pandora's Box with this novel and the marketing involved before, during and after publication!  To me, the Internet is mind-boggling and mind-blowing place that I'm learning to navigate and I'm not too proud to say I don't know and I'm always open for advice, suggestions, and comments!

Let me tell you, it takes a village to write a book!  We all have a book in us.  If you've felt the need to write and have dreamed of writing, do it!  Don't wait, my friend.  Jump in there and just start writing.  Sit your butt down and write.  I'm rooting for ya :)

Peace and love,
Ellie