Why Does Disney Kill Off So Many Mothers??

A couple of nights ago, I watched the reality show, Intervention, a reality show about addiction and the inventions that families plan and host in the hopes of sending their family member to rehab and in the process, saving their life.

In the episode I watched, a clearly anguished father read a letter to his son that began with the words, "Your addiction has affected me in the following ways."  His son sat motionless on the couch next to his father and looked down, tears streaming down his cheeks. He listened to his father's anguished words and I wondered if the words had reached his son enough to accept the help that was being offered.

Heart wrenching! I wanted to hug the family and shake his son awake to the damage he was inflicting on himself and on his family  who listened to the man's letter, looking lost and heartbroken. It was almost too much for me to bear. The family's pain was palpable and found myself wanting to look away, but forced myself to keep watching.  I could have changed the channel to a more lighthearted program, but I sat still.  The show reminded me of a murder mystery I'd read about addiction and I tucked that away.

In the reality show episode, letter after letter is read by a family member and the boy breaks down, accepting help. He's going to rehab.  Hallelujah. Tears of joy all around and I had tears in my eyes for a kid I didn't know.  In three months time, the boy is clean and has remained drug-free since 2010. That information was flashed across the screen at the end of the show.  I was relieved, but knew better. As a former counselor, I knew damn well that this kid's recovery had been a long, torturous process for the boy and his family.  We hadn't been made privy to the details that surely entailed anguish, pain and hurt.  It's an hour show, I reminded myself.  I wondered how much had been embellished by Hollywood?  How would I know, but I applauded this young's man courage.  Maybe it helped me feel better to think that the show had been embellished and a fake like Kim Kardashian's fairy tale wedding.

Before bed, I thought about the ugly things and realities of life that many of us don't want to see, read or listen to that certainly have happened in our world and exist today. I thought of my novel where a murder occurs.  I'd written those scenes very quickly, I remember.  I skimmed through them, not wanting to slow down for the violence. Who wants to dwell on a murder, certainly not me. BAM!  It happened and then, next chapter!  "The next morning the sun shone brightly"...no.

I wrote that murder scene in and would have to deal with it.  I would have to sit and look at the ugly side of life and humanity in my protagonist and antagonist's eyes. Could I do it?  Could I embellish and imagine the horrible event and the emotional aftermath and write a believable chapter?  All I'd ever killed was a Maine lobster in a soup pot of boiling water and an enormous ant pile I discovered by my back patio last summer.

Did I need that scene? Couldn't I make this novel a feel good novel where everyone is happy and in love?  There doesn't have to be a murder!  Uh...no. I'm a realist and that's what would happen in my novel.  I couldn't be afraid to tackle difficult questions, ask those difficult questions.

Then, something came back to me from my counseling days - pain is pain.  We will never know exactly how a victim or a perpetrator feels, even if we've experienced such crimes ourselves. Each of our experiences will be different and our reactions all our own.  I could only write the sections as I imagined because I'm human and I'm not immune to pain. All we can do is walk alongside another person.

Unlike counseling, authors take their reader's hand and lead them where they want them to go.  We lead, show and then, move on. We can't control how our readers perceive our scenes and interpret our stories.  The best we can do is to be as honest and genuine as we can in the telling of our stories. And, that's what I did.  

Then I watched part of a Disney movie until I realized that Disney killed off way too many mothers!!  What's up with that?!  Bambi, Snow White and didn't Cinderella and Ariel lose their mother's too?  Don't get me started...

Peace, love, unicorns and rainbows!

Ellie



  

Promise Me...

So, our temps today were in the low 60's and tomorrow should be even warmer which is amazing   for the end of January.  I remember a frozen Potomac River two years ago in February, so maybe what my West Virginia neighbors tell me is true - hold onto your hats. They may be right because I heard that we might be getting snow this coming Friday. Hard to believe today as I cleaned my house in shorts and flip flops!

I opened the windows this morning and turned off the heat, hoping that the beautiful breeze coming through the windows would clear my house of any nasty winter bugs in the air. The house is clean and the air smells fresher. I needed this day to regroup and fill my wells, emotional and mental.

Earlier this month, I sent out three query letters and received two positive replies from two agents.  I was thrilled and gladly sent them the first three chapters.  It's been a scary month, waiting for replies from the agents; to say that I checked my emails a dozen times a day wouldn't be a lie.

In the meantime, I kept editing and rewriting my manuscript and managed to finish three fantastic books on writing that have permanent places on my writing shelves, The Scene Book - A Primer for the Fiction Writer by Sandra Scofield, The Forest for the Trees by Betsy Lerner and  The Writer's Guide to Character Traits by Linda N. Edelstein, Ph.D.  If you haven't read these books, find them!  I learned so much and with Scofield's advice and tips, I've rewritten many paragraphs that now read more polished and professional.

The books helped me remain calm, well, calmer during the waiting period.  Over the weekend, I received a very nice email from one of the agents telling me that she enjoyed reading my chapters, likes my writing style, but unfortunately the market isn't kind to historical novels.  They're hard to sell.  Well, I think my novel fits perfectly in women's fiction, as well.  Yes, the story begins in the 1900's, but the issues, challenges and themes of the women at that time aren't that much different from what women face today.

I wrote the agent back, thanking her for her time and for considering my novel. Although I was a bit bummed out, I also realized that I'd only sent three queries with two replies.  Not bad, Ellie, I told myself.  In 2006 I finished writing the novel and sent out 100 query letters and received eight positive replies from agents. My story hits a nerve and it's interesting, exotic and different. The consensus from the agents was that I had two stories in one. They recommended that I split the story and I was about to when my life turned upside down with a separation after a 25 year marriage.  The story remained in a box until earlier this year.

So, I'm okay.  I'm proud of my story and the story it has become with a long year of rewrites and a wonderful editor's help.  I've dusted myself off and vow to send as many query letters as I can this week. Did I hope that God and the stars would have taken pity on me and said, "She's paid her dues.  It's her time now"?  Yes, I did :) Hey, I'm human!

But, instead of sweating it, I decided to continue to enjoy, caress, love and make my story the best story I can write.  I decided (because it makes me feel better) that the market may be into chick lit and present day stories at the moment, possibly because this economy has many of us stressing out about money, jobs and we need light reading. Maybe historical novels or novels set in the 1900's require a certain type of reader, audience and agent.  Could be.  But, I'm not giving up, not by a long shot.

I'm not going to flail around and tread water during this time and I'm not going to sink like a rock, either! Time has shown me that I'm a fighter and a survivor.  A marital separation, a trans-Atlantic move, losing my house, and divorce didn't do me in and this won't either.  I'll find the right agent who loves and believes in my story as much as I do. Could someone please help the economy!

I prefer to look at this time as a gift because every time I turn around, I'm learning more and more about writing and the writing life.  I don't remember who said it, but several authors have written that I need to enjoy the time before publication and new challenges come up with selling books and keeping readers reading my book.  I'll never be a virgin again :)

Peace and love,
Ellie

Don't Play, Take It Seriously!

Happy Sunday to you and what a beautiful sunny day it is!  My day started out by bundling up and walking through the downtown area to attend Mass, followed by french toast, 2 slices of bacon, and two coffees at our local diner served by a nice waitress who called me Hon, Sweetie and Sugar.

I ask you...HOW can you have a bad day when your body, heart, soul and tummy are full and happy?

I left the diner as the lunch and after-church crowd started streaming in and headed to our public library down the street.  My favorite librarian greeted me and winked as she whispered that the fancy computer with the large monitor in the private room was available.  So many nice people on on this beautiful sunny day!

As I got situated to prepare to write this blog, I realized something, had a light bulb moment if you will.  I briefly interacted and shared moments with many wonderful people today at church, the diner and the library, but I haven't had one conversation.  Not one.

I shook hands, said good morning, offered the people around me the sign of peace in church, gave the waitress my breakfast order, and when I dribbled syrup on my white tank top, I asked the same waitress for a bit of water to remove the stain.  I thanked her, paid my bill, asked for a diner mug that I heard was on sale, thanked the cashier, said hello to the librarian, and thanked her for the heads up on the private room.  I had exchanges, but no real conversation.

I did, however, people watch before Mass started, listened to conversations around me at the diner, watched people's eating habits, and wondered if my protagonist would say this or that and if so, how would she say this or that?

Welcome to the world of the writer :)

I edited, wrote and rewrote all this week.  From Monday through Saturday, I sat at my laptop and only got up to eat, walk Ozzy, feed him and Pierre, and make chicken noodle soup in my crock pot.  I took an evening walk with my Pug and rediscovered how utterly beautiful snow looks at night under streetlights.  I saw diamonds and glitter all the way home. What a gift!

I guess you can figure out that this week, I didn't see many people and you'd be right. Other than a ten minute visit with a neighbor mid-week and a two minute conversation with another neighbor as we shoveled the sidewalks in front of our homes, I was silent.  Me and my novel.

As a creative child who loved to write and draw, I was in my head quite a bit. However, I was also a social child with a younger sister and many friends to play with. I didn't isolate myself, but when I needed time to myself, I took it and loved it as much as climbing trees or playing Tetherball in our school playground.

Today, I'm much the same way.  I love socializing with friends on Friday and Saturday evenings and try to save Sundays for myself unless I'm visiting with my beautiful daughter and son or visiting friends in Northern Virginia.  During the week, I putter around my house during writing breaks and don't answer the telephone, but will answer texts if I see them.  I play inside the house with my characters, my story line and figuring out who will say what and how will they look when they say it.  I'm in my head and I love it.

Now, I'm no hermit, believe me and if a nice man asked me out on a date, I'd go (only on the weekend!).  In winter, I take walks and in the spring, I get my hands dirty in my gardens or I fish on the river.  I love the outdoors. Come spring, I'll be editing, writing and rewriting at my place on the river, combining many of my passions.

Is there such a thing as being TOO much inside our heads with our writing? Not unless you don't come up for air, get no exercise or fresh air, or if you repeatedly avoid family and friend's invitations to get together. We do need some down time, but I've realized that even during down time with family and friends, I'm still thinking about my book.

Hey, most people have jobs and honey, this writing life IS my job.  I take this seriously :) So, my title is playful because we need down time, play time if you will, and hopefully, writing will always feel like play to me.  Not that I don't take it seriously, now.  I do, but the time I spend in my head is play time to me.

P.S. I can't find the photographer's name nor the title of the photograph. Sorry for that!

Peace and love,
Ellie

The Risky-Risque Business of Writing

Amen.  This quote says it all for me.  I could stop writing this very moment and you'd get it.  Risk.  You gotta take some! I've taken lots of risks as an writer, poet and writer, more when I decided to write full time.

Risky behavior.  Get you some. I highly recommend that, too! But, not like you might think I mean...but, then again...it would depend on what risky means to you, right?

I'm talking risky - daring, venturesome, adventurous, chancy, hit or miss, uncertain risky.  I'm not talking about risque behavior, just risky. (Please forgive the missing accent on the "e", mine doesn't seem to want to work today). But, wait a minute!!

Risque - off color, ribald, bawdy, racy, spicy, daring, blue. Hold the press!  If you write romance novels or real life stories about real life, genuine people doing real life, genuine things, you're going to have to be risque!  I have a couple of sex scenes in my novel-length manuscript, A Decent Woman, and you know what? They were hard to write. I write great romantic scenes, they come easily to me, however, a scene with lovemaking and having sex? (Yes, two different animals!)  Not so much!  I have two children so I'm not a nun, but when I wrote the lovemaking scenes, my brain was saying, "Oooh, that's too raunchy, Ellie!" or "Too clinical!" My writing had either TMI, had too little detail, or the writing read clinical or unbelievable.

How much is too much? And, I don't mean that in a philosophical way!  Literally, how much is too much? Is there an art to writing sex scenes? Is there a right and wrong way?

It depends. No. Yes.  Maybe.  There seems to be an art to writing a sex scene. Actually, there has to be. I'm off to read some sexy scenes on a frigid winter day, no pun intended :) Anais Nin, here I come and I'm not reading "Fifty Shades of Gray", either.  No, thanks. I've read too many bad reviews about the author's writing aka bad writing, and I don't mean bad in the "bad girl" kind of way!  I mean bad writing!  Sheesh! I'm signing off now :)

Stay warm wherever you are!

Peace and love,
Ellie

When The Manuscript Leaves The Nest

What an exciting couple of days we've experienced with President Barack Obama's inauguration on Martin Luther King's birthday, made even more special and momentous for many reasons. One of my favorite special moments was when President Obama was sworn in on Abraham Lincoln and Dr. King's Bibles.

Whether you voted for President Obama or not, Washington looked beautiful and you had to be proud to be an American today - I was.  I'm not a political person nor do I enjoy talking politics, but I did enjoy the President's speech. President Obama mentioned immigration laws, gay rights, the environment, and doing better.  We have to do better and there is so much more for us to do in this country.

A lot of hard work is ahead of us collectively and individually.  We can no longer believe that we are separate entities.  We are one nation under God.

I know there are many, many wonderful and wise quotes by President Obama and Dr. King I could use today, but this quote by Bill Cosby is appropriate for me tonight.  The quote is fitting for me at this stage of my life - as a writer and future published author.

As I near the end (this thought will probably change tomorrow!) of this editing session of my manuscript, the closer I get to the next stage - finding an agent.  That next step has always been in the distance, not way in the distance future, but not in the next few months. Well, I changed that earlier this month.  I felt ready.  I sent out two query letters and received two replies back for the first three chapters.  To say that I was happy to receive the emails would be a major understatement!  So, now we wait.  My fingers are crossed now.

"I managed to avoid the initial slush pile!", I kept saying to my kitten, Pierre and my Pug, Ozzy who just looked at me, wondering if their special treats were behind my back.  I was over the moon and then some, but I was also afraid.  I AM afraid.  My manuscript, my baby, has left my very safe nest and is out in the world...that's a very scary thought.  I can't protect 'her' and I can't speak for 'her'.  My story, must stand on her own two feet like my two adult children have done and done well!

I created my story. I've fed and nurtured the story and my characters and also cut out people, places and things that would otherwise harm and/or detract from the story line. I've soothed, challenged and tested my story and characters and I feel the novel is ready. Will I find another typo, a misspelled word, or a word in italics that shouldn't be?  Yes, probably. I'll keep reading, tightening and checking that baby until I'm blue in the face. Or until the blue ink in my pen runs out!

It's been an emotional weekend for me and I'm sure I'll sleep well tonight. Tomorrow, it's back to my manuscript and back to the reading and double checking.  And, checking my emails about a couple hundred times a day :)

Today is the anniversary of my beautiful mother Mercedes's passing.  Te amo, Mami.

Peace and love,
Ellie

Some Things Can Wait, Others Won't!

Hello!

Last night, my neighbor told me the sun would be out this morning after a gray, dismal week with little sun, so I decided to leave the bedroom curtains open last night. She was right.  I woke up to sun in my eye and it felt great. I lay in bed for a couple of minutes, soaking up the sun's warm rays and then, I noticed the dirty streaks on my windows that I'd apparently missed when I cleaned them...in the fall?  No matter! The sun was out! I'd get to them later.

Instead of the usual "I wonder what time it is" before throwing the comforter off, I bounded out of bed. I was up way late last night with my novel and despite feeling a bit tired, I washed my face and went to make a pot of tea.  I let my Pug, Ozzy out, put the kettle on, and walked out onto my kitchen porch in my robe.  Beautiful! Blue skies and very little clouds.  Then, I noticed that the white paint on my wicker chairs was flaking off...really flaking. I'd have to get on that soon. But, not today!  The sun was out!  There's always March.

I fired up the laptop, watched Pierre, my kitten, jump from the dining room table to the top of the armoire (his first time!) and then, decided that instead of continuing the edits and rewrites on my novel, it was time to print out the entire manuscript. I wanted to read my book, A Decent Woman, and my reading eyes needed a break from the computer screen, too. No printer?  No problem!  I'd take a sunny day walk to the library where the very sweet and helpful librarian lets me use the library's fancy shmancy computer in the back room with the equally fancy shmancy, super fast printer! She's very nice to writers and future authors :)

As the printer spit out the 263 pages of my novel, I read the first page as I've done a couple hundred times over the years.  Something didn't feel right.  I couldn't put my finger on it.  I decided to reread the first paragraph.  Yep, it's in there.  I honed in on the first sentence...holy crap. 

My vision has recently turned into a "You can say it better, poor usage, bad grammar-seeking missle!!

Nothing was really wrong with the first sentence, BUT it could be explained and described even better!!  ARGH!  Needless to say, when the 263 pages were out, I'd already reworked the first sentence...and I loved it.

I printed out the new first page again because I'm a Virgo, wrapped up my manuscript and walked home, holding my precious bundle called A Decent Woman.  The reason for these new eyes - one reason.  Natalie Goldberg.  She's the reason I'm fleshing out the mss, rereading with new eyes, staying with the mystery, slowing down when I want to rush forward, and describing the crap outta things!  Yep, it's Nat's fault. And, I love her dearly.

My dirty windows can wait and so can the wicker chairs.  Ozzy will always have to go out and Pierre (and I) will always reach new heights.  I'll always love a pot of tea and I'll continue to walk every day, rain or shine. I'll write at home and at the library.  Some things can wait and some things won't.

Rewrites, edits and learning through writing never seems to end and cannot wait.  I'm okay with that even if the sun isn't shining.

Peace and love,
Ellie

Kindles and Comadres

I have to tell you that since my daughter gave me her Kindle...I'm reading more than ever!  When my daughter mentioned the Kindle, I was very hesitant.  I love my books!  I love how books smell, I love buying and holding books!  How could I get used to a Kindle?  Well, I quickly got used to it and I love mine.

I love reading in bed and a Kindle is perfect for me.  I don't have to worry about turning pages or balancing the book or paperback on my chest as I lie in bed, and for goodness sake, I don't have to leave my comfy bed and warm covers, to turn out the light.  Why?  Because the Kindle has a handy built-in light!  This blog might make you smile because you've already had yours for quite a while, but I'm a late bloomer in many ways :)

Since November, I've finished five books...unheard of in my life of late.  I read the two books my daughter already had on the Kindle I inherited from her and on an Amtrak train bound for Union Station in Washington, DC, I "bought" two books on my own.  I was so proud of myself and in awe of what we can do these days :)  Yes, I'm old and I thought I was too old-fashioned to get used to this newfangled bit of technology.  It's awesome!

For Christmas, my daughter and her boyfriend gave me a gift certificate for Kindle and I've had a great time perusing the book titles and genres.  The latest book I ordered (and read in one night, mind you) was Count on Me: Tales of Sisterhoods and Fierce Friendships.

This beautiful collection of personal stories is a must-read.  I couldn't put the Kindle down.  I smiled, fell in love, and laughed out loud with stories of sisterhoods, comadres, compadres, and yes indeed, fierce friendships.  My spirit soared and my heart broke reading the words of the authors in this collection who I already count as friends although we may never meet. They have my heart :)  I highly recommend this book to you and I will, no doubt, read it again.

I am extremely fortunate to have my own group of comadres and compadres.  This group of friends, new and old, cyber and real, continue to be part of my life.  These friends continue to be an integral part to my personal and spiritual growth and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Tomorrow, I'll share a bit about the comadres and compadres in my inner circle whose friendships I treasure.  Happy Friday to you!

Peace and love,
Ellie~